Black Relationships : i have a question ... what attracts you to someone of the opposite sex?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by thaREDDizbak, Apr 28, 2008.

  1. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

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    this is always a subject of debate when it comes up, no matter who im talking to. im sure it has been discussed, but i wasnt around so lets give it another go, eh?

    what attracts you to someone of the opposite sex? is it personality, physical appearance, a combination of both? are looks more important than personality/substance? does your mate have to be uber-attractive for you to stay interested?

    im sure you all get where im going with this without me posting a hundred more spin-off questions.

    so, if you\'d please, post away :)
     
  2. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

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    i supposed i should start off by answering my own questions...

    im usually attracted, physically, to tall (6 feet or taller, being that im 6 feet tall myself) men with nice smiles. as far as body type, im not picky but i prefer my men thick. i like em with a little meat on their bones :). everything else isnt that important.

    i do expect a man to be able to hold an intelligent conversation, be witty, funny, and open to any topic of discussion and/or debate. there are no taboo topics with me, and i would appreciate the same of him.

    it takes a combination of both for me to be interested in a guy. of course it usually starts off with the physical if you meet them in person, or the personality if you meet them online, but the two must co-incide for him to be good for me.

    i have and would date a guy that isnt the most attractive in the lot as long as his personality is on point. personality is so much more attractive to me than how sexy he is. personality IS sexy to me.

    and with what little i want/expect out of a mate i still have yet to find one... ironic, huh?
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i like women with minds.....

    active, alert, aware minds. curious, creative minds. dirty minds. deep thinking soulful minds. black, black minds. sexy minds.

    i am surprised and dismayed by how rare that is nowadays.

    :10300:
     
  4. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    I like a man.. that is funny and witty... studious.. sincere... concious.. outspoken... not materialistic or unrealistic...

    that got my back.. stands up for those weaker then he... and knows GOD...

    that knows a woman is not for him to possess but appreciate
     
  5. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

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    appreciated guys...

    thats real talk

    its a shame how rare and hard to find a GENUINELY good man/woman is.
     
  6. Ionlyspeaktruth

    Ionlyspeaktruth Banned

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    The inner warrior in a sister is the most important. There are tons of good AFRIKANS out there. Its just what floats your boat. I for one, have always had a dilema.... People with outer beauty (ie.. the so called "pretty girl" type) are attracted to me for some reason, while I prefer Just plain sister girl. I dont date. (have not had one in over 20 years) Thats just a "dog and pony" show. If someone loves you and/or chooses you and they are what you want/need then it a wrap! :10500:
     
  7. BallOfConfusion

    BallOfConfusion Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As far as attraction, I find ways to, see sexy in every man...for the most part. But mostly I'm attracted to guys with long hair, I really really love dreads. I love that scruffy kind of look, but still neat and put together. I've never dated a white guy but I love white boys with red hair. I don't really have a type I guess. And as far as personality I like someone who is brutally honest, funny, polite, not materialistic, into sports. *I hate ganstas...or wanna be ganstas. Also I like those shy dorky guys, cause it gives me a chance to flip the script (cause usually I'm the shy one.)

    I remember I had this discussion with my cousin, she said that it's important for you to have the quality's your looking for in a partner. For the most part I'm attracted to anyone who is completely opposite of me. I am very withdrawn, and at times insure. But I love people who have a lot of confidence, and are honesty. I feel like when I'm with them-some of their good quality's rub off on me.
     
  8. phynxofkemet

    phynxofkemet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    the psychology of attraction

    Now, I know this is probably not what you meant with your question, however: if i may indulge for a moment. I have recognized a destructive pattern in my life - my relationships.
    I am dedicated to healing my issues to the core and coming out on the other side a stronger, wiser and happier sister. Of course, that change doesn't come from picking different people, it comes from changing how I feel about myself and the internal boundaries I set. When this change occurs and becomes my normal pattern, then I'll have someone who reinforces that I ma very loveable just the way I am.
    Recently, when I was seeking ways of healing I found this author, whom I could understand and relate to in some ways and he says:


    "We are attracted to people that feel familiar on an energetic level - which means (until we start clearing our emotional process) people that emotionally / vibrationally feel like our parents did when we were very little kids. At a certain point in my process I realized that if I met a woman who felt like my soul mate, that the chances were pretty huge that she was one more unavailable woman that fit my pattern of being attracted to someone who would reinforce the message that I wasn’t good enough, that I was unlovable...

    We grew up having to deny the emotional reality: of parental alcoholism, addiction, mental illness, rage, violence, depression, abandonment, betrayal, deprivation, neglect, incest, etc. etc.; of our parents fighting or the underlying tension and anger because they weren't being honest enough to fight; of dad's ignoring us because of his workaholism and/or mom smothering us because she had no other identity than being a mother; of the abuse that one parent heaped on another who wouldn't defend him/herself and/or the abuse we received from one of our parents while the other wouldn't defend us; of having only one parent or of having two parents who stayed together and shouldn't have; etc., etc.

    http://www.silcom.com/~joy2meu/index.html

    So, although the outside form of my lovers was never the same, the nature of the relationships somehow echoed the wounds that I hadn't quite addressed or completely healed. Even though I would write down what I wanted in my mate, and quite often find it on the surface, time would produce similar results because of the grief I carried from past traumas.
    I am currently in "relationship recovery" - meaning the only relationship I'm currently having is one with highest self.
    Of course when my process is complete and I am more functional / healthy in this area I do hope the person makes me purrr.... a conscious hottie, spiritual, physically well sculpted, smart, compassionate, wise, great deep eyes and a wonderful heart. And someone who is financially stable without believing it makes them better than others!

    :qqb007:
     
  9. Edward Williams

    Edward Williams Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What's on the outside is just as important as what's on the inside. Neither is more important then the other.
     
  10. thaREDDizbak

    thaREDDizbak Active Member MEMBER

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    im loving the responses im getting from you all :)
     
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