Black People : I am NOT your DADDY......................

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by UPTOWNE, Jan 2, 2006.


    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

    May 24, 2001
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    Electric Powerlineman
    +11 / -0
    I am NOT your DADDY......................ANYMORE!
    Yes that is exactly what I have told my 3 sons. Please don't misunderstand , I am not denying paternity or even shucking the responsibility of fatherhood. But after 25 yrs of being daddy (no holidays no vacations) I can now say that "I am not your Daddy". I will always be your father. There's a difference (well in my mind) between a father and a daddy. A father is an old wise man a retired daddy that gets called into action every now and then, that gives advice, aid, comfort, guidance etc.. etc..etc.... Now a daddy does that too but he is more of a maintenance man that has to tweak the system 24/7 to keep it going, a Sheppard that stays with and tends to his flock.Well since my youngest son is now off to college, I no longer have a flock to tend to. And my daddy days are over!!! Believe me I have enjoyed being a daddy but I am glad it is over, from teaching them to walk to teaching them to drive. and all the lessons in between I hope and pray they were not in vain.

    Aside from being a daddy, I have been a coach for 12 years, a mentor for 10 yrs and I a ran a program for high school teens at PAL for 10 years. I am saying all this because I came across a piece of advice that I always gave at the beginning of the New Year and I am giving him a copy to take with him.

    This is the advice that I shared with all the youth that I have coached and mentored and I may have even it shared with you all before. This advice is best for any of your school age children whether they are under your constant care or not Read it and share it, it is very profound, and it covers just about everything!

    this is UPTOWNE baby!

    The Unofficial Unbound Student Guide to Success

    In retrospect, it is easy to see all the mistakes one has made in life. You cannot help but feel that if some benevolent entity were there to guide you along the way, you would not have made all the mistakes you had, and as a result could possibly be much further along in life. At the very least, you could have avoided some of the pitfalls waiting to swipe the ground from under you, and you would have saved some time as well. I myself was forced to learn a lot from scratch in my life, through surviving as an international student in the college environment to succeeding as a Jamaican-American in corporate America. Fortunately, I have made out very well, but I wish I didn't have to reinvent the wheel each time to overcome the many obstacles I faced. As such, I know how valuable simply having the right advice and information at the right time can be. It has struck me quite strongly that none of the graduates I ever met cared enough to give even a sliver of advice back. An unfortunate mistake, that I am taking this opportunity to correct by passing on a little of what I have learned to you.

    Some of what I have to say you may already know, and some might appear quite obvious, but you would not believe how many people I have seen still fall into these traps, or fail to do in time what they know they should do. Whether you use it to your advantage or not is entirely up to you, and I grant permission to you to reprint this article (where you deem fit) in its entirety only. Nuff said, here it is, and I can practically guarantee success in your professional, economic and personal life should you take heed of the advice given.

    The Do's:

    Pick a career as early as possible and get as much information as you can about what it takes to succeed in it. You will save a lot of time and money if you know what you want early in the game, and seeking out the advice of people who work in your chosen profession is one of the most invaluable things you could do to plan your career success strategy. It is also a good idea to study their resumes and use the Internet as an information resource.

    Get the best grades you can, from orientation through graduation and beyond. Obvious, I know, but essential to easing your way into jobs and other opportunities. It is a very competitive world, and the best almost always get picked before the rest. College is a four year stint that will be over before you know it, so downplay partying and hanging out and use the time well or you will spend the rest of your life regretting it.

    Enroll in internships and gain work experience as soon as you are able. Summers are the best time, and experience often counts as much as education in securing employment after graduation. No matter how small or insignificant the work, as long as it is contributing skills to your career goal it will be worth it. Remember, there is a catch-22 that says you have to have a job to get experience, but you have to have experience in order to get a job. This is a good way to help break out of that loop.

    Learn to speak and write properly! If you can't, you better learn how to quickly, and if you are not sure get a second opinion from someone who should know. Don't let stupid pride get in the way. This point cannot be stressed enough, and will show through as early as during an interview process where it will definitely weigh for or against you. I have been in the position of having to hire people and I can tell you for certain it was a factor. Illiteracy of varying levels is a widespread problem, and will limit your ability to climb the corporate ladder if you choose to ignore it.

    Open up a savings and checking account if you have not done so already. Getting into the habit of saving cash money should begin as early as possible so that you can weather any droughts you may run into.

    Get your drivers license and develop your driving skills as soon as you are legal. Even if you do not drive, you will save money on your car insurance and be able to drive a car when the need arises. Important point: When you do drive, do not get speeding tickets or any other driving violations! The financial effects on your car insurance are dramatic and you will be paying for your crimes for a long, long time.

    Learn how to type. Learn how to operate a computer. Learn how to get information from the Internet. In case you didn't notice, this is the computer age. Your job and your life will increasingly be affected by your mastery of these skills :).

    Get life insurance immediately and while it's affordable, and make your death a financial boost for your beneficiaries. At the very least, you will have one thing to smile about before the plane hits the ground.

    The Don'ts:

    Never get a brand new car as your first car. The likelihood of an accident, mistake or mishap is high, and will cost you dearly if your car is a recent model -- not to mention the humongous insurance premium you will pay as a new driver. Swallow your pride and work with a HOOPTIE for at least a year or two. You will be a for sure car expert at the end of that ordeal, and will know better how to care for a car overall.

    Avoid Credit Cards like the plague. You should have one or two credit cards at most, and a debit card that works like a credit card. Just because it is pushed in your face does not mean you have to take it. Nothing is for free, and the credit card business is one of the most lucrative markets through which companies rip off consumers, one reason why there are so much of them and why they are so pushy.
    Basically, buying on credit means you pay the cash price plus an interest rate, and hidden in the fine print (which few people read) are all sorts of conditions that hike the rates considerably, like missing a single monthly payment. Only the merchandise protection feature makes some credit cards worth using when buying expensive or complicated products. Otherwise, build your credit history by using them sparingly and paying your debts in full and on time.

    Don't be so quick to move away from home. Save your money instead or at least keep the money in the family by paying your parents. Paying rent is one of the biggest losses you will incur as an adult, prior to you owning your own place. Car payments and car insurance usually rank second and third respectively.

    Know when to pick your fights. You are not superman or superwoman and are as allergic to bullets and knives as everyone else. Plus, you can never know for sure how far someone else is willing to go in a confrontation. Right or wrong, it is better to walk away every time from any potentially physical confrontation. You may feel angry, but you will forget about it soon enough and live to see another day.

    Watch what you eat, and exercise every other day. What is life without good health? Get into the habit while you are in college and have the extra time to get off to a good start. I have met old friends that " blew the hell up" after college and they always talk about how they are going to get their old shapes back, but usually are too busy with their careers to ever succeed having passed the point of no return.

    Never, never burn your bridges and never get fired. You may feel good cursing that nasty boss or manager, but all the time and effort you spent on that job are now history. One call to that person for a personal reference will ruin your chances of being employed, and if you do not list the job your employment history will look suspiciously spotty. Equally suspect is your listing the job but telling a potential employer that they cannot call certain past managers you have had. Because of this, I have noticed that references are more thoroughly checked now than they ever used to be.

    Tying into the advice above, work hard, be on time and do your best - no matter what - at each and every job, especially within the first week or two. Get as much information about the job and prepare for it before you begin. This will make getting each job afterwards easier and easier, as your references will paint rainbows on just how wonderful an employee you were. References usually weigh 50% or more in determining whether or not you are hired.

    Always read the fine print, especially on things that require your signature Don't, and you could end up signing away your life and possessions.

    If you are going to have sex, that's a personal decision that only you can make. Just don't have children before you are ready and always double up your birth control methods (such as using a condom plus spermicidal insert each and every time). There are a million and one ways NOT to have a pregnancy occur, so do your homework as there is no excuse in this day and age.
    Parenting is a full time job, no benefits, no pay, no sick days, no vacations, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Would you want that job in your life right now? I think not. Too many young men and women have their lives derailed or held back by an unwanted pregnancy. Don't add your name to that very long list. Don't add your name to the long list of those who have contracted STD's either, by sleeping around and taking chances.

    As soon as you are able, go back to school and continue your education. You should settle for no less than a Doctorate, and you are never too old to learn new things. Knowledge is the one thing that will have the greatest effect on your social and economic status in life, and most people in this era experience at least two career changes in their lives. Continual education will help smooth such a transition should it arise, and will guarantee your employability in times of rapid change.

    Give back to the community you live in. The one thing we often fail to do is offer a helping hand when we should, and every contribution counts.

    author unknown
  2. Mad Skillz

    Mad Skillz Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Oct 28, 2004
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    Real Estate
    So. Cal by way of L.I., New York
    +251 / -0
    Bump ^^^

    Excellent advice, brother UPTOWNE. Thanks for sharing.
  3. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jun 8, 2004
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    +62 / -0

    Hey, brother, that was solid as a rock, but you know that as a father, you gone always be daddy - LOL!

    My daughters are strong women, now, but they always whining to me about somethin' they already know the answer to...(smile!) They just wanna know my shoulder is there - should they need it... Got to be honest, brother, as long as I'm around, I'll be happy to oblige them...

  4. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jun 19, 2005
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    working to own my plus size empire.....
    I'm a Georgia Peach!!!!
    +135 / -0
    hey i feel what you say i left home at 18 but i still need my daddy. i appreciate him when im in a jam or not. i dont know what i would do without my dad. i cant forget my mom but dad is more financial straight than she is. i dont take advantage of him, i just know i can call on him. when i'm in the position i return my love to him by taking him out to dinner. or the big one give him some monies i got from him. whoa the last time i gave my dad money back he said he was going to frame it. hahahah i love my daddy very very much.:kiss1: :kiss1: :star:
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    United States
    Feb 19, 2001
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    +5,976 / -27

    I told my son, three more years until xmas. After that, I get my life back. They are the 1st ones to claim how grown they are and the last ones to truly accept it. I was not raised to hold on. He's gotta fly on his own. ( Though clawd only knows if he ever will )
  6. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

    Feb 28, 2009
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    +5,556 / -4
    Thank you for sharing that, Brother Uptowne! :toast:

    That was great advice for us all.
  7. Ikoro

    Ikoro Well-Known Member MEMBER

    May 23, 2006
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    +320 / -0
    I like that! I'll be sure to tell my kids that too, just I won't wait 26 hears. At 16 I'll tell them straight: from here on it's 'father'. Good times.


    - Ikoro