Black Short Stories : I Am My Sister's Keeper, part 1

Discussion in 'Short Stories - Authors - Writing' started by alyce, Jan 30, 2012.

  1. alyce

    alyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Based on a true story...a vignette in its entirety, Part 1 of a trilogy from my unfinished manuscript This October.


    It was 1:30 a.m. and the lingering affects of caffeine found Eileen still wide-awake and restless in her bed. The TV was glaring back at her, making ugly faces with every click of the remote. Earlier that evening, she’d settled in with a pot of coffee, essays to read and papers to grade – yet another uneventful night in her apartment since Ellis died in Iraq two years ago. Eileen never dreamed she’d be a widow at 48, and the single life was a whole notha kind of animal in the year 2006. The jury was still out, but Eileen preferred the state of a-l-o-n-e at the moment.

    In the midst of the droning noise from the blue screen, the phone rang. Startled, Eileen squinted at the phone to see her caller ID – it was Veronica. “Hey girl, what’s up, why you up so late?” Eileen yawned as she sat up and plumped her pillows behind her back.

    “Leenie, my car is at a Motel 6 in Hollywood, and I need a ride to go get my car back!” Veronica exclaimed.

    “Excuse me? What did you say? Your…car…is…WHERE?” Eileen said, grabbing her glasses off the nightstand and turning on the lamp.

    “Girl, he took my car saying he was going to drop something off over a friend’s house. Said he’d be back in 30 minutes – THAT WAS AT EIGHT O’CLOCK!! Girl…I…”

    “Ronnie, go slow. So Bernard borrowed your car and said he’d be back in 30 minutes?”

    “Umhm..”

    “And that was at 8:00 p.m.?”

    “Yep.”

    “Now, how do you know where the car is?”

    “Girl, the Internet! I was lying on the couch watching TV and realized how late it was. No call from Bernard, so I called his cell. No answer. It wasn’t turned off; he just let it keep ringing! I was worried at first. After I tried calling a few more times, it went to voicemail! Girl, he turned the phone OFF! Then something told me to get on the Internet and check his credit card account-“

    “Shut up girl! What?”

    “Yeah I did, girl! And come to find out that he bought a pack of chewing gum and some Hennessy at a liquor store on Hollywood Boulevard at midnight, and then he checked into a Motel 6 on Prospect Avenue at 12:30! The Ho Stroll, no doubt! –I got the address and the directions on Mapquest, girl. Aw hayell to the naw! It ain’t goin down like that! I NEED A RIDE!!

    Eileen’s thoughts raced as she held onto the phone and Veronica’s words. It had been eight years ago when she and Veronica became friends at work. They’d hit it off immediately – another blessed addition to Eileen’s circle of women friends. Veronica was sweet, sincere, caring. She came with no hidden agendas, and the only problem with Veronica as far as Eileen could tell was her obsession with Bernard. They were living together again. Once married, then divorced, they had an on-again-off-again relationship that predated Eileen by some eleven years. And Bernard had been abusive both physically and emotionally. However, by the time Eileen came on the scene, Bernard had calmed down quite a bit and had stopped the physical violence against Veronica. He’d had some anger management classes, but Eileen always attributed his new-found sanity to the fact that Veronica’s two grown sons from a previous marriage swore to kill him if he ever laid a hand on their mother again, and told him so. But his carousing and drug abuse did not cease. It seemed to get worse.

    There was no doubt that Veronica’s love and devotion to her man was true, but Eileen’s impatience with that style of living always made her seem harsh and critical of Veronica. Most of the sista/friends of the circle saw Veronica as a foolish, desperate woman. But they loved her. Eileen came to realize that she had to change her attitude about Veronica’s life – it was Veronica’s life after all. So, as long as Bernard wasn’t beating on Veronica, Eileen stayed out of the mix and made herself available to hang out whenever Veronica was free, and only gave her opinion when she was asked. There was too much good in Veronica to let their friendship drift away. She was the genuine article in Eileen’s definition of a friend.

    “Did you hear me, Leenie? I need a ride to go get my car back!” Veronica’s voice was breaking as she gave way to tears. Eileen snapped back into the present, looked at the clock, it was almost 2:00 a.m.

    “It will take us an hour to get there. We have to move fast!” Eileen spat out as she jumped out of bed, pulled her nightshirt over her head and rushed into the bathroom. “You be ready to walk out when I pull up, ok?”

    “Ok, girl…thanks” Veronica sighed.

    “And you best be thinking about what you’re going to do after he finds out the car is gone. You know once he realizes what really happened to your car, his ego won't stand for it. We gotta make sure you’re safe!”

    “I know, girl, I already thought about that. I have an idea…”

    “We’ll talk about it on the way there… see you in 10…”

    “Love you Leenie girl…”

    “Love you, Ronnie…”



    Bridgette Alyce Wynn, © 2006
     
  2. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh boy, I hate to see what would happen after the fact...
     
  3. alyce

    alyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thank you for reading, MsVeraisblessed (love your screen name, btw!). I'd love to see what the other writers might come up with as a continuation/conclusion of this story....
     
  4. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Me too. First part of this story is good. I would love to read some more.
     
  5. baller

    baller Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    too many sistas find themselves caught up in relationships like this. even after a divorcing, they can't let go.

    as for where it could go, of course, there are many places to take this…from the, he gets mad and kick her ***, again, only to have her boys put him in the hospital…at death’s doorway…to the, it’s not what you think, baby, I had a little too much to drink so I got a room instead of wrecking your car, kinda thing. Or, you could have her wait outside the hotel, in her car, ‘til he comes out with the other woman…and have a confrontation. Or, he runs into her a few weeks later, all apologetic, begging for another opportunity to make her happy. It just depends on the gist of the story. If it’s about moving on, you take it one way. If it’s about enduring to the end, of course, you take it a different way. However it goes, it must be consistent with the theme of the story. Either way, it could be fun writing it.:)
     
  6. MsVeraisblessed

    MsVeraisblessed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Even though i agree with Baller on this, i still want to see 'Lennie' put a hurting on 'Bernard's ' sorry behind.
     
  7. alyce

    alyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LOL @ MsVeraisblessed!!! baller - I also agree with you on how it could go... in real life - they parted ways. (I liked the one about having too much to drink and didn't want to wreck your car! Very good! But no - our subject was too "basic" for even that excuse!)

    And, he was not only with one other woman - but two! This is the only place I've shared this much of the "rest of the story".... The details are still mine to keep...or twist a little, if I decide to finish it. I had originally thought to leave it just like it is, showing the willingness of a sister to go out in the middle of the night, for her girl....
     
  8. taylorhampton

    taylorhampton Guest

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    I would like to use your short story for a 7th grade English language arts lesson is that ok? I will need to cut and paste so that I can print it for the students. Is the rest of the story age appropriate or should I just let them discuss how the story might end/continue?

     
  9. alyce

    alyce Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello, and thank you so much for your interest. I'm honored that you would want to present this to your 7th grade English Language Arts class (my favorite subject!). And of course you may use it. The rest of the story hasn't been written, although it is my intention to finish it. Over the years I have found the discussions on how it might end to be much more stimulating. It's also been quite a study in how we observe human nature - and how close/universal our experiences are. I would be delighted to hear what your young people have to say about what happens next!

    Thank you again!

    Bridgette Alyce
     
  10. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    :hello: Taylor Hampton ... Thank You So Very Much for taking the time to post, ask, and give credit and respect to the great work you've found here, and seek to use. I am soooo very honored! It speaks to a long-standing wish inside myself, regarding how we deal with each other's property ... properly ... and you've touched my heart! Thank You Thank You Thank You! ... :bowdown:

    Fortunately, you happened to choose the work of a sweet and wonderful Sister, alyce, that has graciously and generously said yes to your request ... how wonderful is that! ... YAAAAAAAAAY USSSSSSSSSS !!!

    Thank You Sister Alyce and Taylor Hampton ... what a beautiful example of what happens when folk do the right thing, acknowledge the property of another, request permission, and receive it! Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful!

    Taylor Hampton ... please do let us know how the children enjoy the work, what you all ultimately decided to do with it, and how it all turned out!

    What a great teacher @ Taylor Hampton!

    Much Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
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