Subtitle: I think I am losing my humanity. Peace fam. I need input, I need some opinions. I am a bit nervous on my own behalf, I think I am becoming too much like the Whites. What I mean to say is that I am afraid that I am becoming uncivilized, and that I seem to have started losing my humanity/sanity. But thing is, I'm not sure. I'm at odds with myself. So I'll rant a little bit here and hopefully you can pitch in. I live in Oslo. White privilege everywhere, nothing special. Some of you might have heard lately that we had a terror attack, from an insider no less. Yesterday we had a memorial type of thing, where everybody brought roses (they called it a rose-march). I didn't bring one (too symbolic, right?). At the memorial were no less than 70 000 people, PACKED. I was there with some youths, and we were all struggling to feel the 'oh, how sad' vibe so we were being a bit... unaffected, cracking jokes and such. Some guy came up on stage and started talking about something, I was bored. After 5 - 10 minutes I went home, changed and hit the gym. I was a bit worried about how insensitive I had been, and how quick I was to leave such a big, public event (that had to to with sorrow etc). When Cote d'Ivoire got hit with that conflict earlier this year, I was a mess. On the phone all the time, reading up on it. I was upset about it, and I was angry at mad people because nobody seemed to care. I went to a open mic to perform some poetry, but it was so dang happy-go-lucky that I wanted to puke and leave. Like, how can they be smiling and laughing when Cote d'Ivoire is burning right now?! Then I got up on stage and did some angry, pro-black, anti-whiteness poetry and they clapped and shouted. They really felt it, I said da_mn... and went home. But about this terror thing, happening 10 minutes from my house, I have been this way (unaffected, vexed) since I first heard of this thing on Friday... Here's list of the things that went thru my head and how I reacted when this thing happened on friday. Can I get some input on whether or not I have lost my mind to anger and hatred? - A Sister calls me up and tells me there has been huge explosion downtown. I'm at the gym and finish doing my cardio before I bother reacting. I start calling family and Brothers and Sisters to make sure they are alright. Then I go home, check out the news for a few minutes and start thinking... - Oh God, what if he (bomber) is a Person Of Color, an Afrikan or even a muslim? Then all us non-whites will be facing public harassment, everybody Middle-Eastern with a job will catch hell, people currently applying for work won't get sh_it or called for an interview, every man with a beard and woman with a hijab/niqab/burqah will be not only ostracized but likely to get attacked (verbally and/or physically). Oh man... please let him be white. - Then I witness the feces hiting the fan on the net (commentary fields in papers, facebook etc) where whites are talking about how the far right was right all along, that they should have closed the borders, it's the dang foreigners/muslims etc etc etd ad naseum. So I got mad nervous for our sake, especially the children that are starting school or growing up these days. They will be suffering under extreme white supremacy the next 5-10 years or so. -Huh? Some guy just ran to the island and started shooting up young folks? That ain't no organized terror cell... that's a suicide mission, that sound like some white people ish (Columbine anyone?). Shame about the youth, God this is terrible.... I wonder how many Afrikans and foreigners are there, I hope at least they make it out! - Oh, they caught the guy. He's white, thank God. Let's hope he's the same guy that bombed those buildings. - 80 people killed at the island? Ah man, that is just tragic. I need to find out if any are Afrikans, oh how I hope not. - Aw man, we lost some of ours. What a **** shame. - (next day at work) Why are all these white folks hugging me and crying, this is uncomfortable. Then on Sunday I just got more and more vexed with the general atmosphere, and I couldn't even pretend to be genuinly affected by this whole thing. - These stupid white people need to stop crying and making such a big deal out of this. You (Norway) just woke up, huh? You 'never thought this could happen', huh? Well, F_ck you. Because you knew that -ish could happen, you just didn't care as long as it didn't affect you. And now you want to march all over town with roses and cry in public? 'fakk outta here. Where were the roses when Haiti got hit by that quake, or even Japan what about your tears? How much did you cry or care when Cote d'Ivoire was under attack? What about hunger and war in Afrika, how many millions are dying every year? Or thousands every week? I don't hear about that! What about all the POC's you whites killed right here in Norway? Who amongst you cared enough to boicott Israel?! You ain't sh*t white folks. I'm sorry for the young folks that got caught up in that massacre, and I am sensitive to the loss of human life. But you still ain' sh*t. The first hour after the explosion downtown, when nobody had any info about who'dunnit, two Pakistani's got pulled of a bus and beat up bad by your mob because you were so sure it was the Muslim's. Several amongst us received death threats, and you were eyeing us BAD. But now look, it was one of yours who did it. Any blonde white men walking around with their head low, being suspected of being actively involved in terrorism, called names, stigmatized, attacked or even doubly checked at the 'random' controls at the airport? HELL NAW. Because when whitey do it, it's just a crazy individual. But when any one of us do it, it messes us all up. I hate you people, I despise you. Worst part is, the Progress Party has been saying the exact same thing that this lunatic who blew things up said in his Manifest. So many of you agreed with him, but now you are scratching your heads 'cause he went and killed your own kids. But you thought it was us.... I'm still waiting for that apology, because the last few days had to be this years biggest walk of shame for some of ya'll. ---end rant--- How wrong am I for this? There's nothing in our culture as Afrikans that is inhumane to the point where we don't care for human life. And I am worried that I am becoming a very bitter, black man. I only cared about the Afrikans that got caught up, and I am more interested in talking about how they was doing us wrong etc than chatting about how tragic this all is. I want to know how they are going to change themselves after this, I want to hear them talk about focusing on dialogue and combating racism in the upcoming election. That's all I want to hear. Stop crying, dam n it. I feel very heartless, can my pro-black fam come up in here and let me know if I am off the deep end?