Black Parenting : Husbands for my daughters

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by Full Speed, Sep 16, 2010.

  1. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am praying TODAY for future husbands for my pre-teen daughters. I have been through this before, my oldest daughter has now been married long enough and is stable enough in her marriage that I can relax and not have to worry about her.

    My daughters are precious and special to me, they consider themselves "daddy's girls" and so do I. My wife and I are diligently working to instill into them strong character, discipline, self-confidence, and dignity. We are preparing them to be wives and to manage families of their own. Don't take this to mean we are overbearing or limiting their outlook or life choices.

    We also are prepareing our sons to be husbands, fathers, and providers. While I am also praying for their wives, I am not as concerned for them as I am for my daughters. I just don't see enough parents preparing their sons to be husbands, fathers, and providers, but I am praying. I pray that although I don't specifically see it, there are parents out there who are specifically and intentionally preparing their sons to be husbands, fathers, and providers.
     
  2. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh, and you're an elitist..... I don't know how that will pan out but I'm just pointing that out.

    Good luck with that :toast:
     
  3. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Really, what part of praying for my children and having hopes and aspirations for them makes me an elitist?
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister MedusaNegrita ... why must you use curse words to communicate? It's really hindering your message from being received in the best manner possible, and it's about to get you permanently banned. Both concern me, for you've said that you've always had trouble communicating and I'd like to see you overcome that here, for this is a great place for one to sharpen and/or polish their communication skills ... and I want you to remain with us, yet the choices you're making will not yield this end.

    Sister ... when I spoke to you in the other thread, you said, do what you want, what you gotta, or whatever ... as if you are telling me to go ahead and ban you ... which i will of course, if necessary ... but why Sister ... why take this position, as if being here means nothing to you?

    You were suspended for 3 months, you come back in full force, only to be permanently banned? Why?

    If you don't want to be here, don't want to abide by our rules, why not simply stay away? Why come back just to be disruptive, break the rules, and be banned? I don't understand it. Isn't your time worth more than that, choosing to invest it in something you talk as if you don't care about?

    Sister MedusaNegrita ... i really enjoy you. I think you have great wisdom and life experience to share. I think there are many a young man and woman (including myself) that can benefit from reading your perspectives, for they may find themselves in situations much like yours ... and it will be comforting to them to know they are not alone ... and someone who was where they are, made it out, and can provide a clear path for them to do the same. You're brutally honest, articulate, and obviously willing to share ... but the way you're doing it Sister, communicating ... is not gonna work here.

    More importantly, it probably isn't going to be as effective as it could be ... to the many that need the message you have to share ... for you encumber it (the communication process) with curse words, abrasiveness, and probably a little pain you're still feeling ... that pushes others away ... perhaps pushing the very ones that need your message ... away.

    Again, I've found this community to be a great resource for us all to sharpen and polish our communication skills, among other things. I wasn't always as communicative as I am. I've been here 12+ years, sharing my thoughts and providing a place for others to do the same. Ive had to learn to do it in the best manner possible, to be where we are now, still here, still growing, still welcoming all sorts of diverse opinion. I've not always agreed with everyone, but there is a way to disagree, that fosters and promotes great communication. I like to cuss too, but cussing does not yield the end we are seeking, so it is not allowed here.

    Please Sister ... don't make us all do without your very unique opinion ... please quit breaking the rules.

    Going around our banned word list is not allowed. Spelling curse words in different ways, just so you can get your cuss in, is not allowed. I believe you've been told all of this before, yet you continue.

    I'm taking the time to say all of this yet again, hoping I am able to effectively communicate how much we want you to stay. It will do my heart good that you know this, if you should have to be permanently banned from here. It will temper my missing you, your words, and your wisdom, knowing that I tried to communicate the importance of you, to us, as a whole.

    You, nor anyone, can consistently break our rules and remain here.

    Please Sister ... act like you've received some home training. Abide by the very simple rules we have in place. Respect our home and purpose. Please.

    For truly ... i don't want to permanently ban you, but I will if I see one more curse word from you. Just one ... that's all that is needed.

    In fact, following your posts, having to read you ... to see if you're being disruptive, violating our rules ... is way more work than I want. Under the circumstances, being warned and suspended already ... leaves you very little room for error. Any violation at this point, could get you permanently banned without a word from us.

    I know you can do this, talk without cursing and being disruptive ... and it will be a win win ... you improve your communication skills, and we get to keep a great Sister.

    Let's make this work, if being here is what you want.

    Much Love and Peace.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    I commend you and your wife for striving to instill ethics and values in your children that will serve them well as assets to themselves and others.

    And I am glad to know that you are seeking divine blessing and favor for your children in choices for their future mates.

    The Old ones say, "Long may you live and short may you tarry, but mind whom you mate with and whom you marry."
     
  6. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    From your perspective it probably is sexist, but from my perspective I'm like Babyface said: "I'm just a little old fashioned and I can't help being that way"




    Not really, remember, according to you I'm an elitist I have standards...and teach them the same...it's about more than just a "pretty boy swag" Oh but, to teach my girls this makes me an elitist.


    Not really, a good looking girl will attract every loser out there. A "good girl" will attract every loser out there.

    The girls that are the worse at picking guys are typically the girls without a father involved in their lives who already gives treats them with dignity and respect and who has an open door for his daughter to talk to him about ANYTHING at all. Girls without a good father/male figure in their lives will oftentimes fall for the "pretty boy swag" in a heartbeat.


    I know a lot about "daddy's girls", I'm married to one. That's another reason I am praying for my girls. :)
     
  7. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You're not an elitist because you have standards Full Speed.
    You're an elitist because you think the standards you set for yourself and family are par superior than what others may or may not have those same standards. You're an elitist because you feel you are inherently superior than some other classes of people.

    This is my first time reading of your children or that you have any. My impression of you being an elitist did not arise out of this conversation but a couple of them that we had before on other subjects.


    I disagree. A good example of this is Montana Fishburne, but she's not the only one out there. There are girls who come from good families, sheltered lives, have father figures - and get caught up. You even said here that 'good girls' often attract loser guys, and guess what? Those loser guys often look good to her - the thug type, the 'protector' that her parents instilled in her to have. The aggressor swagger, the coolness.

    When I couldn't concur or relate with what you said here, I guess I took it personal and decided to be critical.

    Realizing there is no need for me to do that, so I'll leave you be. There nothing I can offer this thread.

    I'm fairly confident that my children will choose companions that worthy of them and what I try to instill within their own unique character. Your values are not my values, nor mine yours - but we all try to do best by our children in the ways that we feel is best. Peace & Blessing.
     
  8. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Keep praying brother because today our children / daughters need it when it comes
    to responsibility and morals as well security......I wish them happiness and good wealth
    when it comes to marriage.
     
  9. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, I know I have never SAID such a thing, which begs the question: What gives you this incredible ability to tell me what I FEEL???


    Well, I am glad to hear your knee jerk opposition to me supposedly being an elitist is not based upon my prayers for my daughters husbands.

    We know Lawrence Fishburne is a good provider of material needs for his family. We do not know that he is a good provider of spiritual or emotional needs. Families with MONEY can easily be confused as "good families". Within some "good families" everything from abuse to incest have been known to occur.

    Also, the PRESENCE of a FATHER does not necessarily mean there is a positive father figure.

    Eph 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

    Col 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

    Yeah, I didn't get the knee jerk reaction, the unnessary opposition to MY concern for MY daughters...it made no sense.

    You are right, there is no need for you to take my prayers for my daughters personally. My prayers for my children does not interfere with your confidence that your children will choose companions that are worthy of them.

    My issue is not a doubt or question rather my daughters will choose worthy spouses, but that the pickin's of our young men who have been properly prepared for being husbands, fathers, and providers will be slim.
     
  10. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You, like black women, have bought into the notion that there is a male shortage, especially one of black black males. I have not bought into that notion. I do not perceive lack with decent viable good males, but one of abundance.

    In any case, you call this a 'prayer' and yet set it like a discussion. One that I apparently came into wrong or with the wrong intent. Sorry. I've no more to say about it.
     
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