Black Poetry : Hurting for Love

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by cherellé, Dec 19, 2013.

  1. cherellé

    cherellé Member MEMBER

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    When I'm hurting I hear voices and I swallow the pain to conjour thoughts that once relished in happiness through Joys I was never given.
    A mark is what I want to leave, but I find my deeds erased and replaced with someones antagonizing. gestures and hateful ways.
    There is no peace in a tortured soul.
    No tears in an alarming place.
    The fight is always your right to live
    and your suffering is yours to feel. yours to keep.
    yours to show and yours to hide.
    If being a woman were so easy I'd be me, but I stand there cradiling there blows like a child I'd never leave.
    praying that one day it will go away,
    but it will never be a truth
    that I can say I went through.
    It aches at my heart like my sweet tooth and oversized thighs.
    How can I escape this hateful day?
    when there is no sun to scatter the clouds, only rain to pour my pain.
    Women like me seek vengence with a curse and hurt for love in all the right places.
     
  2. candeesweet

    candeesweet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your expression of womanhhod being 2 sides of wisdom is feeling these thighs. Good eats.
     
  3. cherellé

    cherellé Member MEMBER

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    Thank you. :) when I first wrote this I was taking a class on women's history and I was feeling at that momment that women get trapped between so many roles, often times its forgotten that we have voice. when we are successful some are intimidated, and some despise us. I feel women love so much they take on anything just to be able to love.
     
  4. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    fam imma add another facet to yours and much love on the real. check me...

    in the morning time...
    love never knock at my door,
    so i get up and walk outside,
    either when off to work slaving,
    working my non-profit solely,
    prophet of my owned times struggling,
    the past is gone in the winds,
    meaning she who said and i who did,
    presently i strive for the needs,
    i done saw the wants drowning me,
    i slowed down to rewind my wise memories,
    the definition of being mental patient,
    with no-thing plus time around space,
    i ditched alcohol and both kinds of mary jane,
    refueled my soul bookless reading deeper into self,
    the mystery of depths deepest within my genes,
    my mutha's rhythm of the dead alive beating proudly,
    i saw the queen of my life at the mountaintop waiting,
    she said all earthly wonders will not get me there with her,
    so i kept sacrificing and it's been about three years now,
    from city to city watching couples hugged up smiling,
    from the poorest hoods to the richest neighborhoods,
    she said love me as i love you,
    and i asked how?
    from the heart as the respected,
    so i grew from unreal to realest beyond my last times,
    and my road motto be the roses that i carry,
    never failing loving feeling fresher everyday,
    another notch of growth without vain or kissup,
    i learned reality and love is like the four o'clock flower,
    worldwide they blossom timed,
    and my bed still has cold sheets,
    regardless of the fireplace and electrical heater,
    and my black skin which absorbs sunshine naturally...
    i'm hurting....

    (from Diary of a Black Man by Nefertum Husia Shayheh Jan 1st 2014)
     
  5. cherellé

    cherellé Member MEMBER

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    Wow I am completly blown away I love this, keep doing your thing. :)
     
  6. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    Appreciate it and see you at the top. I promote myself too so if you here an audio book and/or music cd by Nefertum Husia Shayheh in SC then it's me. Straight spiritual music with some Battlecat aka BC Powda and Quik-like influence like instrumentals i want well need to put out cause i believe instrumentals gives the soul a chance to rest from words and just feel the vibe like miles davis, monk, duke, john coltrane which are my favorite artists. i'm a natural musician/vocalist from my father side. i'm trying to deal with more natural instruments rather than digital but right now i'm going with prices over time. maybe when i get a piece land i can construct an ampitheather like in San Diego in the park after you cross Chula Vista. Poetry has been me since i was a kid i saw things and done em and of course wrote then drew them up as seen. I'm just combining all aspects of art into one perceptively cause i can't do all things spreading thin like water. I learned from Maya Angelou, Baldwin, X, Ben Carson, Assata and Pac how to write like years ago...i couldn't even write myself like from within so i just started to put myself into they body and i was like dang i felt them to the soul. So i took that power and chose books wisely. People been said i should've been put out a book from my family to strangers across the globe on foot. In my life times...i've done seen more crime and untold stories like the winds with of course nature cause i love nature...i always take the time to give appreciation to the speechless. what made me start to really write is when my homegirl got raped, when i saw my homeboy beating his girlfriend down while she was pregnant, when i saw that brotha get his head cracked while in front of his apartment complex...shhh on the real so much pain when you see it you just gotta release it or the burden stays with you forever tearing you up inside...shhh even my two lost born the miscarriage and abortion by different black females at different age ranges and mentalities....screwed me up! the abortion really screwed me up cause it was no need fore it we were both working with the state of sc good jobs of salaries and just being me i wanted to well needed to take us to that next level and be king and queen with her child as mine regardless of the baby father situation cause i never turn my back on my brother and call him this or that i keep my brotha just as i would "think" he would keep me but some people indeed hurt you for love not knowing it cause they be at their pinnacle of insanity and unrealness...in my life honestly i have actually endured some of the worst relationships to include being setup for death twice and played endlessly just to remain their in vain cause i saw my moms stick it out during her abuse of her husband which was my stepfather for a period of time regardless of the black eyes, emotional verbal and nonverbal and even to myself but he knew to never touch or scare my sister cause me and moms would tag team and do him in with rational explanation and knowing me...i would have taken the fall fo sho. so i know how it feels to take pain in to the point of no return until you can finally go somewhere and exhale in tears cause all lives on this earth is not fair and i've done been it with the best, rich, poor and etc. people do all sorts of things unimagineable and imaginable hurting for love from the streets to the wealthiest depending on the perception within the eye of the beholder. i just got my story to tell and people see your up-rise and try to block it unanimously by any of their means collectively necessary. they can't have it nor care less about you. so you stand your ground just like that like that tree..cut a tree down with your words and watch the tree keep growing despite your emptiness...cause even the tree appreciation your negativity fore survival as they turn your breath into positive; now that's metaphysical power! keep expressing yourself. peace and one love.
     
  7. cherellé

    cherellé Member MEMBER

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    Thanks again and I will be looking out for it. For me pen and paper has always been my baby so when I pour out what I feel and go through I know its more than just real. I started expressing myself when my parents died and I had to grow up real fast to take care myself and sister. we struggled family didn't want us and for a while we were homeless til I found a place and worked two jobs. I was abused and molested as a child. those things isn't something you can just forget, but I turn what I feel into something positive something good.
     
  8. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    i was homeless myself once in cali too after i ran from my ex intelligently cause i found out through kids she was still married and had been communicating to her dude in prison that was due at that time to be released so she used me to the max and i was stranded in the desert salton city at that time going back and forth with her to help drive plus stay at home and help her kids which was high school. i help moved her and her kids from chula vista to salton city all of a sudden without even asking why. i met her while in chula vista thinking i was in love at first sight you know and didn't know what was going in the background. if it wasn't for her kids trying to warn me and finally showed me the document of marriage and letters to and from him plus the expected date and how they was going to kill me i would have been dead unaware of it. she was a mex/ital/african and the sistah and brotha i ran to for help that was ex military themselves i found out in the end was going back telling her everything so i was trapped from the jump! i wanted to tell the police but i forgot...they ain't like me either...especially in cali near the border. all i wanted to do was live in cali while going to college and what prompt me to go to cali was after my sister called the police on me lying saying i hit her when i was just checking on my niece from getting a spanking at the age of two i believe for peeing in the bed. so i told her it wasn't right and told her while in her face when her best friend was in the room with her with her child too. they both lied and my sister charged at me scratched me up but i stopped her by folding up arms backwards then taking her down by her falling backwards off balance. don't you know the police came in charging at me with no question asked one black female mean mugging on extra hard and a white dude waiting to pull his pistol out. i slept in a stranger car that night that i ask to too cause i had no place to go cause i agreed with my sister to stay with her and pay half of everything to save money and buy a house plus help protect like always and i dayum near went to jail for being right. she just flipped on me plus her friend lied and couldn't look me in the eyes. man i cried without sound in the stranger car and placed a flight to cali earlier than expected by phone and left that morning. she apologized for lying crying on the phone weeks later but during that time like i said she didn't even know how much damage she done plus i missed my grandmother funeral that happened weeks later around that time she called too and felt it cause i had a dream about it and so i feel you too. i felt betrayed and after all that stuff and you i had to go to the lajolla hospital to get help. the nurses up in there broke down in tears cause i had was a sweater peasy peasy afro, joggy pants and holes in my sneakers with only my word in hand. i still got my vet id with the picture on it to prove it. they tried to tell me cop out and claim insanity to get a bed but even the so called crazy on that floor looked at me and said no! don't do it don't you dare you too young don't do it. every since then i don't judge nobody...total perception cause nobody knows what anybody been through on the real. i'm glad you alive to speak it for the new born cause they next up to bat you know??

    oh my ex that got that abortion on me was molested too by one of her family that ultimately contributed to the abortion. she apologized for it cause it was a mix of jealousy and envy cause me and her child got so close that the bus driver and all the neighborhood kids that i was a real father. she just never got healed regardless how much i tried. i tried in vain. i tried.
     
  9. BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE

    BLAQ LOVE POURAHTREE Nefertum Husia Shayheh MEMBER

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    for awhile i hated all women to the max especially the black woman. cause they were all the culprits that i was seeing implicating me as either the scapegoat, slave, cheater, and all sorts of names. i did. even my own momma. i just wanted to die. cause when you by yourself like Job in the bible...you'll say and do some stuff to yourself...you'll curse the world and all sorts of stuff. all i had was my will. just my will and soul to survive.
     
  10. cherellé

    cherellé Member MEMBER

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    I know the feeling it took me a while to see that all men weren't trying to hurt me. I honestly didn't no if I would overcome what I was feeling, but I did at some point. I recceived love from a man who uplifts me an treats me like the queen I am an I knew then that it was never all men who saught to hurt me it was just that one. I have been learning to open up an express myself cause hiding in what I knew was dangerous for my own good. I thought about giving up on myself but I am so glad I have enough fight in me to keep me going. I'm living an breathing when I write, but when I am not its just me observing things that come my way an doing what I can to survive them. Never thought I'd be a wife and mother, it feels good to wake up to know that my essence was always good and I continue to gain better. God's blessings were mysterious to me til I knew what it means to love an be loved.
     
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