Black Jokes Humor : Hurt my PC

Discussion in 'Black Jokes Humor' started by dstny, Jul 18, 2005.

  1. dstny

    dstny Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

    I want to buy a software program that, causes my computer to
    suffer grievously, though not permanently.

    When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want a special button I can
    push to make the CPU start squealing with the same agony I am
    experiencing.

    I want a device that stores an electrical charge in my telephone. For
    every minute I spend on hold waiting for technical support to answer,
    the charge would increase in intensity. When the guy from tech support
    finally answers, the electrical bolt of energy would be discharged
    into him. This should not affect my ability to hear what’s going on at
    the other end of the line, of course. And a special function would
    allow the volts to double every time a tape recorded message urges
    me to continue holding.

    “Your call is important to us,” so they say. I want my phone to be
    outfitted with a translation program, which will reconstitute this
    irritating reminder into the truth: “Actually, we already have your
    money, so we couldn’t care less. Our technical support department
    consists of two college kids, both of whom are currently busy playing
    Doom. Eventually, one of them will come on the line, but it will be
    the one who doesn’t speak English.”

    I want my modem to sense when my PC has committed an “illegal function”
    and issue a warrant to arrest Bill Gates.

    When my system crashes and I lose a file that has taken me more than an
    hour to create, I want someone from the computer company to come out
    and retype it for me.

    I don’t understand why new, “upgraded” software creates files that
    cannot be read by old, reliable software with the same name. Is there
    no one in the computer industry who has noticed that word processor
    files all look alike once they are open? Why can’t 6.0 recognize a
    7.0 file? It’s all just words, isn’t it? There should be a rule that
    when software engineers buy a new car, their old cars should cease to
    function. If they don’t understand why this is happening, they should
    call me and I will explain it to them.

    How come when my computer catches a virus, I’m the one who misses work?

    I want to know why my printer always jams on the last piece of paper or
    the last sheet of checks. When this happens, it makes me want to put
    sandpaper into the manual feed and print the Emancipation Proclamation.

    I am really tired of hearing about all the things that happened with
    Y2K. Why didn’t anybody ever ask these programmers how in the world
    they didn’t know the year 2000 would follow the year 1999? Software
    engineers are supposed to be pretty bright people. What? Did they
    need-a memo or something? I bought a program that was supposed to tell
    me if my computer files are Y2K-compliant. The program wouldn’t work
    because (get this), my CD-ROM player is too old. (I bought it 34 months
    ago.) The manufacturer doesn’t sell an “updated driver.” Thus, to find
    out if my computer is Y2K-compliant, I need to buy another computer.

    I want to know what good is a Web search engine that returns 324,909,188
    “matches” to my keyword. That’s like saying, “Good news, we’ve located
    the product you want. It’s on “Earth.”

    I want to know why, when I had a tiny hard drive, my operating system
    was virtually crash-proof and took up so little space. My new operating
    system is five times the size of my original hard drive. With every
    “upgrade,” it seems to grow 75 percent. That’s as if every time your
    mother-in-law came to visit she weighed another 500 pounds.

    Now I’ve found out that my PC no longer “recognizes” my floppy drive!
    How could they not recognize each other? They live together in the
    same little tower!

    Please understand, I don’t hate my computer … I just want to hurt it
    every once in a while!

    :bomb:
     
  2. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Much too true to be in the joke room!

    `Member having to toss out perfectly good hardware to run xp? longhorn is gonna do it again: you'll need a specially designed monitor that can "respond appropriately" to drm!

    Where'd you find this? Or is this just your vocalization of the personal angst that we all share?

    As they say "if this is a service economy, why is the service so bad"?
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    lol...........hurt it don't kill it ..............
     
  4. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    As the technology grows, so do the headaches it seems. Guess we've all wanted to give our computers what for when the new systems act old...lol.
     
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