Black Relationships : How young is too young?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by OnTyme, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. OnTyme

    OnTyme Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Lately we hear about the school teachers going off to prison, or we see relationships on the tele, like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, and men have always dated much younger women. Do you think older women should date younger men? The reason I ask is because my aunt in her 40's tells me she is with a man in his 20's? All I was thinking is it won't work, and she thinks otherwise. I am happy for her, but at the same time, I just don't get it. d
    What say you all?

    I just wanted to add, that there are a lot of guys these days that deal only with older women, now my aunt is a successful women i can't help but wonder what he sees in her, I am pretty sure what she sees in him she is probably attached to some great sex, and the ego boost, but man I just don't get it.
     
  2. Spirit2All

    Spirit2All Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's a hard one to make a generalisation about, OnTyme. I say that because there are so many other variables to take into account. Experience doesn't always correlate with age. The same can be said for other attributes such as a degree of maturity, outlook on life, career, family, the world etc. and all the other stuff that should be taken account of when thinking about a relationship. Culture is another area ... across the world, we see many different trends concerning age and relationships.

    I reckon it's a subjective decision ... if it works for the two ppl involved .. who is anybody to rock their boat because ages are too far apart .. ? What would be the benchmark? The only concerns I have on the matter regarding age is within a younger age group - and that is only because they themselves are still constantly changing (every week when it comes to teens!).

    I'm gonna play devil's advocate with you, and ask you whether or not you'd feel any different if your 40 year uncle had found himself a beautiful 20-something year old woman? In your post you mention '.. and men have always dated much younger women ... ' ..... but when your aunt announces .. you don't geddit? :D

    Are you a brotha, my King? (or a sister) ... I know which one i'd put my money on ;)

    no harm intended .. jus's jibbin you in the ribs a little ;)

    Love x
     
  3. Nasheed

    Nasheed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Biased Opinion

    When it comes 2 older women and younger men I dont see a problem with the age. Now when it's flipped, I have a serious problem with it. If a man has 10 or more years on my girls he will be instantly ran off, and it dont matter if she likes it or not. Older men usually have a different agenda in mind when they show interest in younger (10 or more yrs) women than older women do in younger men.

    Just my personal feelings on that.
     
  4. OnTyme

    OnTyme Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lol maybe you right but i am not putting her down but i just don't see what they could have in common? cause she is 43 now, and he is 24, she is 19 years older than him. i just think that is off the chain. when she was 24 he was a baby. and what if he wants kids. plus like you said young people aren't all that settled on opinions and stuff so, it will be her that gets hurt if he moves on. she should try for a man a little older so she can have something lasting.

    her complaint is that the older dudes are all married...I don't know. and I'm a sista not a king...lol
     
  5. OnTyme

    OnTyme Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    so if your 15 year old son tells you his school teacher took his virginity what you gonna do...?

    i don't have kids, but that women would face some serious consequences if it was my child.

    as for the much older man thing, older men may be more settled.... I know some women who have and they are happy...and usually long term.

    it is a double standard i know.
     
  6. Nasheed

    Nasheed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    9 times out of 10

    He will move on. Speaking frm experience she more than likely will not be able 2 give him what he wants. Sex may be great and at 24 that consumes alot of the mind for youngmen. Not trying 2 be harsh or anything but her age (looks) will play a major part of it later if they stay 2gether.

    Enjoy gettin ur groove back Auntie but dont count on anything beyond that.
     
  7. Nasheed

    Nasheed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    When it comes 2 minor kids and adults the reaction would be the same no matter my son nor my daughters. There would be heads rolling. I was speaking about adults. Now if my 20 sumtin yr old son came 2 me and said I hooked up with a woman thats 40-45 I would advise him him but would not keep him frm that experience, but I will be watching. If one of my daughters came 2 me with same thing, I would not let it happen and would check that Nasty Buzzard with a quickness.
     
  8. OnTyme

    OnTyme Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lol nasty buzzard? you a trip...I hear you though about the minor thing.

    as for my auntie, man i just hope she don't fall in love and realizes he isn't there to stay but sounds to me last i talked to her that it is love.
     
  9. Nasheed

    Nasheed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    When it ends I hope you will be there for her. The only problem I see is the difference in age. If they were maybe 10 yrs. closer it could work. Being that its almost 20, chances are it wont last. IMHO
     
  10. Spirit2All

    Spirit2All Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    On Tyme .. I hear you (Sis - nice to greet you btw!),

    There are loads of dynamics that make two people get on - sometimes age just falls off the checklist because other things are much more important:

    For example, I really enjoy conversations surrounding the empowerment of the black community around me, and especially concerning radical issues such as the systemic oppression of black people. Other parts of my soul are enriched by growing fruit and veg - and teaching that to my children .. visiting the theatre ... debating world issues .. writing poetry and even knitting! But here's the thing ... I expect the black man I end up with to understand and appreciate all those different sides of me, and to be excited to see me grow further. He should be able to educate me further on our history and on black spiritual matters.

    I am aged 34 and I have to say that black brothers around the same age (from different walks of life) cannot comprehend, appreciate or value such an eclectic interest in life. Neither are they comfortable with the fact that spirituality reigns over materlialism because it requires courage and faith that they just don't have. Thus - I foresee a much older man for me (after I enjoy a little more 'me-time' ;) ) Perhaps the problem is with my own requirements of a man ... am I too Spiritually High Maintenance :D (Feel free to answer on this subject - perhaps there is such a thing...)


    Having said that, i've also travelled, and can see a major difference between Black UK men versus African, US or Caribbean men when it comes to outlooks and philosophical approaches to life ... Perhaps i'm just on the wrong side of the pond ... ;)

    Peace x
     
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