Black Relationships : How to tell when a girl is not into you anymore?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Distant, Oct 4, 2004.

  1. Distant

    Distant Member MEMBER

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    Alright I've been dating this girl for almost a year. At first things were excellent we were very affectionate to each other. But I went away to florida for a family vacation for a few weeks came back and thats where it went down hill. First about the religion factor. She's adventist and I'm just a regular christian. Then I'm on my 2nd year in college and she's a jr in college and I wonder sometimes if she goes off to grad school will she really stay with me or will she be more attacted to other black guys there because there will be more variety of black males on the campous she goes to then the school we go to now. She says she doesnt want to kiss me anymore because it leads to things. I told her we dont have to do those thing especailly if you dont want to but I still want to kiss you. Is it wrong for me to want that.

    I always respect her feeling in everything. But I've noticed she's sometimes likes to be overbaring or dominate over certain things. I try talking about it with her but I dont think it works. Sometimes in the car we get those longs moments of silence. We never used to get those. I'll try to talk to her but I see by the look on her face sometimes she just seems iritated.

    Someone told me that once a girl has you and knows your attached to her its a turn off because now the challenge is over. Well if this is true that sucks. But Im going to distance myself form her and see if she comes to me. I love this girl, and she said she used to tell me she loved me before I finaly said I did.

    I dont know I'm the type guy that wants some affection not alot but just enough to where I know hey she still likes me. I wanna post a pic up, I think I'm a decent looking guy. But any opinion or thoughts or advice you guys can give me?
     
  2. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Distant it sound like you might need to give her some distance in your life. It sounds like you guys may have some things yall need to work out, a 7th day adventist and a christian really should not have too much of an impact on your relationship, (yall just go give offering on different days that is about it) but I really think you two ought to communicate to each other how you really feel, so that you can move on.
     
  3. islander

    islander Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother, the first thing you need to recognize is that if someone is not showing you the love that you deserve, then that person might not be for you. I know that you love her, but trust me, the world keeps turning whether or not she's with you. I suggest that you confront her about it one more time and tell her to just come clean and get it out of the way. If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, just say it. She's doing nothing but wasting your time and hers if that's the way she feels about it. Maybe she's grown into a different person and wants a different type of man. If that's what she wants, tell her to let you know so you can move on. I'm pretty sure that there are a lot of sisters out there who would appreciate you. Good luck brother.
     
  4. bigtown

    bigtown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WHAT ARE YOU BOTH, LIKE 22 YEARS OLD? IN MY ''BIG" OPINION, SHE MAY HAVE A WANDERING EYE BROTHER. SHE MAY BE EXPLORING HER OPTIONS. I DON'T MEAN SHE'S SEXING UP SOME CAT, JUST MAYBE LOOKING AND WONDERING. HER ACTING IRRITATED MAY ACTUALLY BE HER FRUSTRATION YOU SEE. SHE CARES FOR YOU THOUGH, BUT AT 22, PEOPLE EVOLVE. TRUST ME BROTHER, IF YOU GET A BROKEN HEART. DON'T TRIP, CUZ IF YOU'RE LUCKY IT WON'T BE THE LAST TIME. GIVE HOMEGIRL SOME SPACE THOUGH. AND IF SHE DON'T COME BACK, IT MAY TIME FOR YOU TO EVOLVE MY MAN.

    THAT'S MY "BIG" OPINION.
     
  5. jazzymoonchild

    jazzymoonchild Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Dearest Distant,

    From a sista, I am telling you, she is probably feeling the need to explore other options. Not that you weren't fine to begin with, never doubt your worth or what you have shown in terms of feelings, but with the upcoming separation of schools and the different mix of people, maybe she feels that she wouldn't be strong enough to be faithful to you, and is therefore creating space, distance and uncertainty in your relationship. Her irritation really should be directed at herself because she isn't being woman enough to tell you what is going on in her head.

    As the brothers in this post have stated, give her space. Don't offer it to her, just give it to her. Concentrate on you and what you have going on. I know you love her, but it seems she wants to control you and the flow of the relationship. No one needs that.
     
  6. toylin

    toylin Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I agree. You never want to make yourself too available for someone who acts like they couldn't care less. I learned that the hard way. I t may sound like game, but most times, it is. When I was always around, waiting, willing, brother would disregard me, and brag to his friends, "Oh, I got her. She has no life outside of me." So when I started doing things without him, was never home during the day, didn't call unless it fit my schedule, brother started following me around "Where you going" Who you talking to?"

    So, my advice is the same. Give her space, find something else to occupy your free time. Not necessarliy another woman, but a hobby.
     
  7. Distant

    Distant Member MEMBER

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    Well

    Things are going a little better. I dont call her as much well not much at all. I never really did so I dont see how that helps but well see. I only see her on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Monday, Wensdays and Fridays I dont see her. Sometimes Maybe on fridays for her church even. But now I said to myself only if she asked me to go because I think she's taking if forgranted that I'm offering my time to spend with her. As far as hanging out, my plane is every now and them offer something to do period. Anything else will be up to her if she really wants to spend time with me. I would usually go over to her church on saturday but now I think I'm going to reduce that to maybe once a month. I think I've been taken more forgranted. Because personally I always would want to be around her, and she used to feel the same. We would plane to be together according to our time etc. But now I dont see that. I know school comes first and I'll be the first to tell you I have some school work I need to handle. But on the weekend or sometime durring the week when you have nothing to do I would like to spend time with you. But I guess sometimes people have to realise things on there own.


    And It took my mother to tell me my self worth. She said dont do everything she says "I never do but It just a good thing to know" . And know your worth, if she really wants to be around you dont you think she would try? And after that I realized its time for me to chill out. Maybe she doesnt like me as much as before.

    But she confusses me because one day she'll tell me she wants me and the other day its the opossite. That gets really old.

    And no kissing anymore!? Well, we'll see about that.

    BTW, The other day, I left a meeting without talking to her and she got all upset cause her friends were asking and laughing saying hey you cant keep up with your man. I just laughed when I saw her because I no choice I had to take a quize next period. So I would like to test and see if she would call me or something if I just didnt see her the whole day. hmmmmm


    Sorry for the long post.
     
  8. AfroBoricuaRoni

    AfroBoricuaRoni Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Move on, that's what I always say. Keep moving regardless, whether it be a girl, a friend, a class or whatever. If it ain't what it used to be, and despite all your efforts nothing adds up then do you. You have to put yourself first in situations like this because it sounds like she's doing the same. She doesn't think enough of you doing things like that.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    how to tell when a girl not into you anymore !
    by her reactions , her feeling and things she say and do differently
    I think you should move on now from her seem like she playing with your emotions
    and heart surely love heals and what seem broken mends , she act as if she
    now want to sort out her royal oats and venture with others to fine her
    soulmate she may have change and look at a relationship differently respecting
    her wish is cool but to end a gentle harmless kiss is speaking out that you two
    are done move to a better mate that will have you for you and who you are
    cause she will change you in ways you may not be aware of maybe it's time you
    let go all together and seek a new heart and mate .
     
  10. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man...let this girl GO. She wants to play and be manipulative and who has time for that? I've been through the same thing and it's a complete waste of time. What you need to do is completely dissappear on her. No kissing? What kind of garbage is that? If you're together then why NOT kiss? Naw man, she's on some BS and you need to cut her loose. You're 22 so you have some time left. You seem like a good guy, and unfortunately you fell for a chick not unlike most women these days who mistake a good guy's kindness for weakness and takes him for granted. She acts like she doesn't want to be around you? Then give her what she wants. Don't cut down the time you spend with her, cut it OUT. If she's not woman enough to tell you what time it is then you don't need her.
     
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