Black Women : How to raise self-esteem ????

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by unique, Mar 1, 2005.

  1. unique

    unique Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm in a slump right now. After having been in a long-term relationship and having dealt with his infidelity. I often wonder why I put up with all that ish. The good thing is I'm out of the situation but now I'm in a process of rebuilding myself.I sometimes wonder what the other women might of had that I didn't have etc which causes even more pain. I was wondering what are some ways to raise personal self esteem ?
     
  2. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That grass usually is NOT greener on the other side, no matter the appearance. Don't worry about things other women have because we all have our own problems and issues.

    Just concentrate on you for a while and take time to really view SELF. Be honest with yourself and evaluate your role in the relationship. Keep moving forward and keep your head up, something better will come your way when you are feeling better about yourself.
     
  3. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    men like to hit it.
    we like to hit as much as we can from as many as we can.
    that's the way we are wired.

    it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
    not your fault, nothing you can do about it.
    even Halle Berry's man was hitin some on the side!

    that is just the way we do.
     
  4. unique

    unique Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks Carrie and James for your replies. I will definitely keep your comments in mind.
     
  5. Nfant_De_Milieu

    Nfant_De_Milieu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    When you wake up in the morning look in the mirror and say, "I am beautiful!".
     
  6. 1poetsought

    1poetsought Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Take pride in the fact that you no longer enable a man to disrespect you!
     
  7. uniquelymade

    uniquelymade Member MEMBER

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    I've been there--the sad thing is the marriage didn't even last a year. He wasn't physically abusive, but he was abusive in every other way possible, and he treated me like crap. I had a daughter right after we married, but he swore up and down that she isn't his. When I'd ask him questions about this female or that female or why I saw his car somewhere else other than work, he made me feel like it was my fault. He claimed that I was accusing him and that I was the one cheating. Soon after that, he had gotten another car, one that most everyone has. There was a point in time when I had felt that I had lost myself--I questioned my being; I was depressed.

    All I can tell you is to stay positive and understand that you are not the reason for him doing whatever. If you have kids, you have to stay strong for them. Most importantly, you have to stay strong for yourself. You know, the Destiny's Child song, "I am a survivor" is real--whoever came up with the song had evidently went through some stuff. Just keep the faith, stay in constant prayer. Everything will work out. I'm glad that you are out of that situation; I don't wish for that to happen to anyone. People often say what they would do if their husband/man did this or did that, no one knows unless they actually experience it. What I found most successful is to be cool--play it calm, that always seemed to mess him up in the head. Now he makes it a priority to somehow let me know that he has a new girl, all I can say is I hope that she isn't as stupid as I was when I fell for him.

    Just remember that the best is yet to come!!!!!!!!!
     
  8. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    I know it is painful, sistah. I myself am just two months out of a marriage to a man who did everything in his power to tear me down inside. To bring it all together establish a strong and personal relationship with the Lord. He is the One who brings peace that passes all understanding.

    Be aware also of the things affecting your emotions. The music you listen to, the thought patteerns you allow to spend more than passing time in your head, the things you read, etc. Only you can determine what is at the root of your emotions through an honest assessment of the environment that you are now in the power to create for yourself. Some things are hard to give up but if your desire is to raise your self esteem then the sacrifice is worth it. There is no desire without discipline for it takes discipline to make the things we desire a reality.

    Now what I am about to say is for women. Brother James since you are here and this just has to be said I trust that you will take this with the maturity I've come to expect from you. Now sistah whenever you find yourself feeling particularly down the very first thing to ask yourself is how close is your period. Our hormones can convince us that we are a waste of good skin that crawled into the gene pool while the life guard wasn't looking. Make yourself aware of what's going on inside you. Not to use estrogen as an excuse like "Well I'm on my period so ya'll just have to scuse me." But let self knowledge put you in control of what is trying to control you.

    This has been a public service message brought to you by da RIVER.
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    within your self you are this Queen
    what she offers can not compare to what u hold
    some boyish type men try to bring you down to
    a level even when u fall low your self-esteem is high
    within you as one said look deep in the mirror and know
    your worth and love of thou self feel that there is nothing
    that can hold u down know that loving self raises u higher
    and surely u will be able to see above so many
    put time into u because your a goddess never alter self
    to compeat with another woman each have it's own greatness
    where u are high she is low , she could hold glamor u hold heart
    what he do is never on you ,and keep positive and strong within
    he can't control your mind set or your body his foolish acts
    will weaken from your (wismatic ) if it's a word !
    and growth of know u are who u are and what many would love
    to hold .....the key is faith and prayer and knowing who u are !
    Good luck and be safe
     
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