"Pimpin'" is challenging work. It demands managerial skills, financial acumen, and an intimate knowledge of law enforcement policies and procedures. I've observed that a lot of women seem to be raising their sons (often unknowingly) to become pimps. Usually, when we think of a pimp, we think of a man driving around in a big car with a bunch of streetwalkers that he panders to other lusty men. But there are other types of pimps as well. You probably know one. He's the guy you know that is perpetually looking for a woman (usually his mother, wife, or girlfriend) to take total financial care of him. But contrary to popular belief, pimpin' is a learned behavior. You have to start training a boy to be a pimp in childhood. Here is how it's done. First, raise him to think he's "cute." I'm not talking about a positive self-image. I'm talking about creating an impression in his mind at the earliest possible moment that his physical appearance is more important than how he treats his fellow man or what he knows or thinks. Do this by piercing his ears and braiding his hair from day one, making him indistinguishable from a little girl. Of course, you would never think of making your baby daughter look like a boy, but that's OK. And don't worry, you won't make him gay, but by focusing on his physical appearance and fashion, you will teach him that a woman's role in his life is for them to cater to his every material desire just because he is so "cute" or "fine" - you know, like a pimp. Let him think that the world revolves around him by virtue of "cuteness". That way, when the steel mill, corporate American or academia start hiring "cute" instead of "skilled", "strong", or "intelligent", he will finally be able to get a job - whenever that is. To raise a pimp you must act like a whore. How else will your son know how to handle them? You've got to swear and talk nasty at every available activity. Keep a steady stream of different men coming through your house. Let your son hear you moan in your bedroom as you consort with the Man of the Week". Let him see how you manipulate men; this one to pay the rent, that one to pay NIPSCO. That way he learns that the only value men have in society is to use and be used by women. It won't make him a good man, but it will make him one helluva pimp. Emphasize the importance of sexual rather than intellectual prowess. This is a favorite in black communities. For instance, they say black men have "big ones.". If your son is black, make sure he keeps focused on this. That is essential to keeping him on the "pimp track". You see, if he starts valuing "heavy thinking" over being "heavy hung", he might stray from the pimpin' path that some in the black community - and for that matter, in some segments of white society as well have chosen for some young black men. And you certainly wouldn't want that to happen, now would you? Make your son "your man". I'm not talking about sexually, but emotionally. Let your young son talk to you like he's grown, even when he is a child. Get him involved in your personal affairs. Keep him away from his father and put his father down to him. He will grow with no respect for his father or himself. Since he is young and impressionable, your son may be the only "man" in your life you can "control". So don't love him, control him. Never let him accept responsibility for his actions. Remember, when he gets in trouble at school, it should always be some other child or the teacher's fault, never his. If he starts using drugs, blame his friends, not him. If he gets arrested, bail him out immediately and tell the judge that your son is "a good boy". Remember, sorry excuses make sorry men, and sorry men make excellent pimps. Look, if you follow my advice, your son will grow up to be a trifling, good-for-nothing, clothes-horsing, baby-making, no job-having pimp perpetually dependent on the women in his life (perhaps you) for his very sustenance. But you've got to decide early if you want a pimp or a man for a son, because you certainly can't have both.