Black Relationships : How To Lose Your Woman!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Mike Ramey, Jul 26, 2002.

  1. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    17
    Ratings:
    +17
    HOW TO LOSE YOUR WOMAN!

    A few years ago, I was teaching a class at a local high school. Three young brothers were ‘doing their share of dirt’ to some of the girls in the class. After class, I pulled the three brothers over, for a ‘reflection and repentance’ session.
    As I bounced a piece of chalk up and down in my hand, and brought them up-to-speed about ‘Real Life 101’ and how they SHOULD treat a young lady. As I finished my short talk, I put the matter into their laps: “Now, raise your hands if you want to marry a quality woman when you grow up,”
    TWO hands quickly went up--BUT ONE stayed down!
    “Seems to me that TWO of you are going to have to make up you minds; either you help your brother to change his ways--OR you can’t hang with him. WHEN the right young lady comes along, you are going to have to BEWARE when THAT brother (and I DID point him OUT) is around your house, and your sweetheart!”
    When the trio left the room, the two brothers who raised their hands walked out well before their ‘friend’. They recognized a player when they saw him; but they didn’t say anything--UNTIL they WOKE UP and found out that they could be impacted by the future actions of this unscrupulous brother who had a serious lack of character!
    This is the FIRST way that you could lose your woman, my brother; by letting the punks, drunks, and skunks drown out the impact of the righteous, quality men who exist!
    And the Sisters said: AMEN!
    There are more, and I will lay them out for both single, and married men.
    I may as well make it plain; for EVERY TWO MEN ready, willing, and able to do the right thing, when it comes to romance, courtship, and marriage, THERE IS ONE MAN who will do his best to disrespect, deflower, and destroy any woman he can get his hands upon. Sad to say, THAT MAN has been getting away with murder in the streets and the suites. HIS Lack of Character has been making the lives and reputations of the upstanding brothers in our communities miserable.
    No longer.
    It is up to us to pull him over to the curb for a ‘reflection and repentance’ meeting.
    You may call me a ‘playa hater’ if you want to, and you would be right! A Real Man hates the actions of those who go out of their way to destroy, disrespect, and discourage, whether it is woman on man, or man on woman.
    After all of the mail that came from one of my recent columns on relationships, this one was already in the hopper, and on deck, ready to be released at the appropriate time.
    NOW is that time!
    Brothers, the purpose of THIS writing is to help police US!
    *The ‘feminized’ mainstream press isn’t going to do it!
    *Hollywood and the Entertainment industry isn’t going to do it!
    WE have to do it!
    So, for those of you who have been sending me emails, wondering if--and when-- I can come to their town to talk about relationships, at a church or singles conference, be patient. You haven’t heard the whole story yet!
    Now it’s time to take my brothers into the classroom for this session.
    Sisters, take notes: you may want to use this column the same way that the brothers used the last column; ONLY as a means of spiritual and character evaluation.
    Use it NOT as a weapon; but as a BLUEPRINT.
    Rest assured brothers, I have NOT lost my mind. But it is time that we take a hard look in the same mirror that I put forth in the other column. If you have been hopping from woman, to woman, to woman over the last six months, and trying to gather all the honey you can drain, I’ve got news for you: YOU deserve to be FIRED!
    There IS something wrong with YOU.
    You need to WAKE UP!
    Get ready; this month’s pitch is coming across Home Plate, and you best catch it, if YOU don’t want to lose YOUR woman!

    RELATIONSHIPS ARE DESTROYED BY ‘LACKS’:
    For those keeping score, the first Lack was a Lack of Character in the man. The next item that will surely kill, or fracture a relationship is a LACK of leadership on the part of the man. Brothers, I’m going to keep it simple; WE were created to lead, and SHE was created to receive. WE were created to initiate; SHE was created to respond! To paraphrase the words of Pastor John Hagee: ‘A Woman CANNOT follow a PARKED CAR!’
    Now, our ‘modern’ society has been saying that it is OK for the woman to make the phone calls, pay for the flowers, and pick up and take out the man. This mindset has done more to cause confusion rather than harmony, because it lets men off the hook of responsibility. A man heads towards and embraces responsibility; a male heads away from, and shirks responsibility.
    Sisters; what kind of men have YOU been seeing lately?
    But, I digress--again!
    Brothers, I’m not a chauvinist, but a realist and a romantic. I believe in chivalry, and all that ‘stuff’. Got the wedding band--and a powerful, beautiful, and supportive wife to prove I know what I’m saying. God created man to woo, and woman to be wooed. If your woman does not like candlelight, romantic dinners, doors opened for her, or being treated like a lady, then FIRE her! But, on the other hand, brothers, if you are neglecting the sister with quality, for Jezebel with a BMW, short skirt and ‘7 and 7’ then you get what you ‘prey’ for--and YOU DESERVE TO BE FIRED!
    But I digress again.
    Brothers, please remember; it wasn’t that long ago that society put forth that it was OK for Slavery to exist; the only good Indian was a dead Indian; Reparations were not needed; Japanese-Americans best belonged in Concentration Camps; Stem Cell research is good; and Abortion is cool.
    You can’t always go by what society says is right!
    To paraphrase Pastor Alister Beeg out of Cleveland, Ohio: ‘You must do right, when its time to do right; whether or not society says it is the right thing to do!’
    Here are some other Lacks that can ruin the good thing that you have, and cause you to Lose Your Woman, for the single set:
    *Lack of Spiritual Discipline: I’ve heard it said, and seen it happen, where brothers only go to church to ‘stalk’ quality women. They know ‘just enough Bible’ to siphon off one of the faithful for their own gratification and amusement.
    I have my own designation for such ‘stalkers’: B.I.Ps.--Brothas In Pampers! They, usually lead to another designation category: S.I.T 2s--Sistahs In Tears and Trouble!
    The ‘stalker’ can sing the songs, throw a few coins in the offering plate, and read the church bulletin. Brothers, if you show up at the Church, it had better be to worship God, strengthen your relationship with Jesus Christ, or serve in the church for the betterment of others and spreading the salvation message to those who have not heard.
    A church is NOT a private game preserve for single ‘hunters’.
    As a matter of fact, God takes it personal--and gets personal--with men who prey on women whom they ‘claim’ to be praying for. The greatest terror in life, is to fall into the hands of an Angry God! He will make sure that your SIN will find you out!
    Check out the television news lately?
    *Lack of Commitment: Brothers, I’ll make this one plain as well; if the relationship is not working out, DON’T keep her on a string! If SHE is the right one, let her know that she is, in a reasonable span of time! Not in terms of years, but in terms of a several weeks--or even several months! I am amazed that a man has been dating a woman for two, three, or more YEARS--WITHOUT lining up a ring, preacher, and a church--and dares to show his face in public. YOU wouldn’t go to work for a company that said: ‘Come back in a few years for an employment opportunity!’
    Why should a quality woman hang around for ‘maybes’?
    *Lack of Respect: In public, and in private, my single brother, your woman has a brain, skills, talents, and abilities to help you. Private disrespect is a sure killer! Public disrespect may lead to some of the brotherhood pulling you over for some ‘curbside justice’--ESPECIALLY if your sweetheart has a father, brothers, or male friends.
    *Lack of Restraint: An Old School Proverb fits well here: ‘Don’t BED her, until you WED her!’ I don’t care if she is dressed, or undressed to the ‘nines’. I don’t care about ‘itches that need scratching’. Unwrapping the package comes AFTER the wedding and not before.
    *Lack of Time and Friendship: These items DO go together and are sure relationship killers! Fifteen minutes here, or one night there, doth not a relationship make. It takes time to get to know a person. Day Planners and PowerPoints are good for the office, but are not great to build a romance. If you don’t want to be her friend, you don’t want her, period. A line does not make up for time. Think about it!

    EASY TO LOSE--OR DRIVE AWAY--YOUR WIFE:
    Now, as I turn my attention to my married brothers, you are NOT immune from losing your wife. The best recent commentary I heard describing marriage came from the late Jack Lemmon, in the movie, ‘The Fortune Cookie’: “Marriage is a lot like the Army;” Lemmon said, “a lot of guys complain about it, but they still re-enlist!”
    One of my mentors, Pastor Louis Mitchell, summed up the biblical standard in a husband’s commitment to his wife: “Honey, if YOU leave, I’m coming with YOU!” Brothers, here are some guaranteed marriage killers, for your inspection:
    *Trying to turn your WIFE into YOUR MOTHER.
    Beginning your conversation with: “Well, why can’t you look as HOT as...”
    *Neglecting her spiritual, emotional, or physical needs--there are some brothers who will be only TOO HAPPY to help out, and I have already gone down on record as being a ‘playa hater’.
    *Remembering a golf date, or time out with the guys, AHEAD of times that are important to her.
    *Forgetting the ‘sizzle’ but remembering the ‘remote’.
    *Drinking, drugging, and chasing.
    *Not wearing your wedding ring, but insisting that she wear HERS! (Good one for ministers and pastors to remember!)
    *Keeping the numbers, photos, and ‘vital statistics’ of old girlfriends and lovers around, and even being stupid enough to bring them out, from time to time.
    *Abuse and neglect. Her and/or the kids.
    *NOT disciplining the children, nor giving her a break from the chores. If you learned how to cook, shop, and clean while single, you can still use those skills while married, from time to time.
    *Displaying ANY form of Apathy towards her wanting to talk things over with you, on any subject, no matter how small.
    *Letting her go to church by herself, with the kids (remember what I said about ‘stalkers’ in the church house.)
    *Not praising her in private, nor in public.
    *Lastly, not applying yourself fully, to being her protector and provider (and I’m not talking ONLY about money.)
    Brothers, I went to a wedding recently, and had the pleasure of watching a good friend of mine exchange vows with a woman of quality. They got together by following the biblical prescription: ‘HE that FINDETH a Wife, FINDETH a GOOD THING!’. During their courtship, they went through pre-marital counseling at their local church, got to meet one another’s families and friends, and were determined from jump to take their time, and do it right. The cycle, from dating to marriage took 12 months.
    By the way, they didn’t shack up, slip out, or fool around in the process.
    Watching them march down the isle, cut the cake at the reception, and head off into the sunset, got me to thinking about my own marriage, as my lovely bride was seated by my side for the festivities. Our Tenth (you read it right!) Wedding Anniversary is coming up this fall, and I am praising God for the fact that we are going the distance.
    The bottom line in both of these columns; it’s not too late to turn a bad relationship or marriage into a good one, nor is it too late to apologize if you have wronged a few along the way, and ask for their forgiveness. If you want to work it out, you can--but YOU must make that choice.
    Brothers, and sisters too, there are a lot of great singles out there who are quality people. Men of character, and women of quality. If you WANT the right one, you have to BE the right one. Treat her right, and you won’t lose her. Treat him right, and ladies, you won’t lose him. I’ve done nothing extraordinary in these two writings; merely explain what many of us have been thinking for years, but have had little in the way of encouragement to accomplish.
    Now, brothers, we know the truth, too.
    And the Sisters said: AMEN!

    Mike Ramey is the author of: ‘The Manhood Line’, a monthly column, written from a biblical, business, and common-sense perspective for men. To correspond, send email to [email protected]. (C) Copyright 2001 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications. (26)
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,177
    very much true so many yet so few know !!
    well said ....teach da one who don't knowth and da
    one who forgot true love inside thou heart is da love
    of his whole beings yet most still fall short in da hands of
    a joker a sucker da foolish one and surely one lose out
    on da love of his mate ....in agreement .....future bright
    wit dis flow of reality & truth
     
  3. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2002
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    4
    Occupation:
    Tech Support for an ISP
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    Ratings:
    +4
    Cool.
     
  4. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    17
    Ratings:
    +17
    Thumbs Up on That, Solo!

    Solo, you're cooking with Gas now!:toast:

    Mike Ramey
     
  5. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    17
    Ratings:
    +17
    On that wedding thing...

    ...the best thing that a man can do when getting married is to make sure that his 'beloved' knows that he WILL get to the church ON TIME!

    Plus, no 'Bachelor' or 'Bachelorette' parties, neither. No sense leaving the door open for some folk to try to wreck your relationship before it gets off the ground!:toast:

    Mike Ramey
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,977
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,177
    so ture coz it happen more then one know !
     
  7. Empathy

    Empathy Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2003
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    Thank you for sharing those words of sense, in the bible it tells us clearly that older men should teach younger men and older women should teach the younger women on such issues of marriage and so on. Older can also be interpreted as more mature either in age or in their walk with the Lord. So it is a scriputural and good thing you are doing to teach other Christians brothers on such matters.

    It is serious and these things should be discussed openly so we understand them and often such things are not taken seriously or spoken about. They should be as marriage is a very significant choice and part of your walk with Christ. Also it is important to us as Christian women to know and understand these things as it helps us to see more clearly when making our choice, considering we should not be unequally yoked, when we are dealing with a real Christian or just someone who is trying to facilitate the church to find a 'quality woman' as you have described in your rendition.

    thank you and peace to you
     
  8. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    17
    Ratings:
    +17
    Appreciate that...

    ...from a woman of quality.

    I remember a wise brother in the Lord saying that men should major on manhood, but minor in womanhood. In other words, men should be men, but have enough sense to respect their sisters.

    I like how you put it...cause not everyone who names the name of the Lord is gonna get in. You have the right to 'kick the tires' and see IF that brother is the real thing.

    And, if he isn't...don't fall for the okey-doke!

    Mike Ramey
     
  9. Khasm13

    Khasm13 STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2003
    Messages:
    10,784
    Likes Received:
    4,235
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +4,472
    you are a very enlightened brother...
    i have a question with the
    Lack of Spiritual Discipline
    do you think that it is possible to have this without attending church?because i am a strong believer but currently i am searching for the truth, any truth that i can find concerning
    his will, and right now church is not a part of that. a little while ago this woman that i was dating said that we should go to church and pray for healing because both of us had hurt each other pretty badly.i am the analytical type and to my satisfaction had determined that in order for us to be properly healed, we both needed to have a nice duration of time where we were actually good to each other instead of every couple of weeks bickering and arguing.she wanted to put everything in God's hands and i felt that this was a cop out for her not addressing the situation at hand.needless to say we are not together any more.if she wanted me to go to church to pray that from this point foward we could actually be good to each other, i would have been there. i don't know, i quess i feel that somethings you need God for(like guidence) and somethings you have to look inside of yourself and fix yourself(dastardly intentions). thats what i did with my old player ways, one day i just felt that this was wrong, what i was doing was wrong and i just stopped doing it.am i wrong for these beliefs?

    peace
    khasm
     
  10. SayinWhatUCant

    SayinWhatUCant Active Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2003
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    ALL MEN NEED TO READ THIS

    :bowdown: :bowdown: im not going to lie and say that i read your whole post but i truly will when I wake up........In any event, keep doing it just like that.........On a daily basis I see young black men just "DOING NOTHING" It is really sad: that they have no one in their lives that give a hoot.......No direction.....No home training........:fight: NO RESPECT:fight: .... Boy times have changed and all people need to realize that time is short...Shape it up or u will be shipped out...........:censored: :hot:
     
Loading...