Black Relationships : How To Lose Your Man!

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Mike Ramey, Jul 26, 2002.

  1. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    HOW TO LOSE YOUR MAN!

    Brothers, I feel it’s the right time to tackle this topic, as we are heading into the final portion of the year, and the ‘big’ holidays are not that far off.
    Just to let you know; I’ve spent part of the ‘hot days of summer’, reading more than a few magazine articles and websites aimed at women on the subjects of romance and relationships.
    Guess what glaring error threads those works together?
    You guessed right! Many women STILL don’t have a clue as to how they can lose a quality man.
    I learned a LONG time ago that there is a well-crafted underground network of women who read this column faithfully, just to gather the needed intelligence information available as to what the men in their lives are thinking. As a matter of fact--and not to brag--my monthly mail usually winds up evenly split between the sexes.
    Along the way, I also learned that if one is going to write about ‘hot button’ topics, it is best to follow the advice of famed Negro--and Major League--pitcher, Satchel Paige: “Always throw strikes, because Home Plate DON’T move.”
    So, try not to laugh, cheer, or AMEN too loudly while reading this month’s column. You may distract your wife, sweetheart, or girlfriend from getting my point, as they will likely pick up a copy of my column to see what ‘that crazy man’ is writing about.
    Rest assured brothers, I have NOT lost my mind.
    Now that I am done with my warm-up, here comes this month’s pitch.

    THE UNTOLD BREAKUP ISSUES IN RELATIONSHIPS:
    Sisters, men are not as dumb as you would like to think. We have our own underground network intelligence-gathering machine. However, there are some women who believe that ALL men are ‘breath and britches’. Thus, when a relationship goes sour, and the man in their lives packs his bags and heads for the door, it becomes a major news event for TV talk shows, and Internet chat rooms.
    In this day and age, it’s far easier to blame than to change.
    My sister, if you have been through a string of relationships in the past six months and are still alone, it’s time to look in the mirror. Yes, I’ll say in a few of those instances that the man in your life was not THE ONE. However, ALL of them could not be wrong.
    Maybe, just maybe, there is something wrong with YOU!
    Since I don’t make my living by counseling, nor do I play one on TV, I can lay out the truth, possibly for the first time in your life. Please don’t camp out in the Land of Denial. Maybe, something is in YOUR history that does not sit the ‘right way’ with the men you have met.
    They know it.
    Now, you need to know it.

    THE DEADLY FIVE RELATIONSHIP KILLERS:
    My sister, there are five sure ways to lose your man.
    I don’t care if you are single, engaged, or married.
    These five things are guaranteed to kill a relationship, and leave you alone to ponder why you lost the good man that you had:
    1) Holding On Too Tightly--Oh yes my sister, you can blow it and push your man out the door, or, into the arms of one of your ‘sistahfriends’ by not giving him his ‘space’. Hey, that brother holding your hand and whispering sweet nothings in your ear WANTS to be there WITH YOU!
    Here in my home city of Indianapolis, Indiana about ten years ago, I heard Pastor D. L. Thomas preaching on the topic ‘The Pulling Down of Strongholds’. A line he used in his message still rings true: “Folks can LOSE what they GOT, by trying to GET what they already HAVE!”
    In other words, stop following the advice you see printed in Cosmo, Ebony, Jet, or Vanity Fair. You don’t need additional background checks, tracking your man with a PI, or monitoring his mail and phone conversations to know that he is yours.
    2) Discouraging Over Encouraging--Sisters, men have enough problems in this world without you pulling the arrows out of his chest, and implanting them in his back! Promotions can be lost. Companies do go out of business. Careers can be ruined by the snap of a male, or female boss’ fingers. It is the role of a woman to encourage their man when he is down.
    Not to kick him over the goalposts like a football.
    If you find yourself always in need of encouragement from him, but won’t give it to him, don’t be shocked if he tenders his resignation from ‘Camp Deep Freeze’.
    3) Making Fun Of His Faith In God--There seems to be a fight among some couples about going to church. I have known, and have met far too many sisters who claim that they want a man who is involved in his church. They prayed to God for a husband. Then, when God sends His selection, the first demand on the sister’s list is that the man STOP serving in the local church.
    Sisters, faith in God is what gives a man his character, and moral compass. It’s the glue that holds him together in the good times and the bad. A commitment by him to Jesus Christ is what makes your man loyal to God and to you.
    Don’t block his service in his local church, nor complain when he is out trying to win souls, visit the sick, feed the hungry, and help prisoners, the fatherless, the widows, and the strangers in your town.
    Hopefully, God had him before YOU did.
    Remember this; should you decide to get in the Lord’s way, God can move YOU and find someone else for HIM.
    4) Nagging And Comparing--These two go together, because there are some sisters who like to ‘comparison shop’ on the sly, and get another man’s image in their eyes. My sister, you can’t NAG a man into listening or obeying your whims, wishes, or ultimatums. You can’t NAG him into marrying you. It’s HIS call, nor YOURS. In the Book of Proverbs, Solomon had it right: ‘He that findeth a wife, findeth a GOOD thing’, and ‘It is better to live on the corner of a ROOFTOP than to spend time in a home with a contentious (nagging, or constantly complaining) woman (Ramey paraphrases). Look it up for yourself, if you doubt me!
    5) Trying To Make Him Over Into Your Image--Of the five, this is, perhaps, the most dangerous of the lot. Sister, if the man in your life likes to dress casual, DON’T try to make him over into Denzel Washington. If he is not ‘hip’ on going to clubs, DON’T run out the door with your ‘sistahfriends’ to the latest nightspot opening.
    If he is not into Opera, but gets into Jazz, then READ A BOOK on HIS interests! What attracted you to him, and vice versa, is not what he had on his back, or in his pockets, but what he has in his HEART!
    Too many women expect their men to be ‘wise’ about them, YET the same sisters are often ignorant of what makes their men TICK. I may as well make it plain; your measurements MAY have attracted him, but it will be your CHARACTER that will keep him!
    And the brotherhood said: AMEN!

    EASY TO LOSE--OR DRIVE AWAY--YOUR HUSBAND:
    Now, turning to my married sisters, you are NOT immune to losing your husband. What it took to get him, is what its going to take to keep him!
    A few years back, Pastor E. K. Bailey preached on the topic of ‘Marriage: God’s Way’. He offered some frank advice for my MARRIED sisters on a few points, which I will be happy to paraphrase:
    *Don’t try to turn your husband into your child by mothering him, smothering him, or scolding him.
    *Don’t ‘cut him off’ from the bedroom, because there are far too many women who would be eager to invite him in--and some of them are your BEST friends.
    *Don’t sabotage his leadership in your home.
    *Don’t try to turn him into a punk who says ‘Yes Ma’am’ to your every scheme and desire.
    *Don’t disrespect him in front of your children.
    *Don’t EVER use the phrase ‘I can do better by myself...’
    And the brotherhood again said: AMEN!

    Mike Ramey is the author of ‘The Manhood Line’, a monthly, syndicated column written for men from a biblical, business, and common-sense perspective. The column runs in a variety of African-American newspapers and Internet websites both in the USA and around the world. To Email: [email protected]. (C) 2001 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications (20)
     
  2. cocobutterskyn

    cocobutterskyn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    children are taught the basics: math, english, reading, science etc. Those are subjects society feels are essential in life. They are even required to choose a foreign language, that most will not even use in their lives. However, they will definitely need good relationship skills. I know schools should not be required to teach children everything, that parents have a responsibility to teach their child(ren)...but with such a tremendous breakdown in the family structure, babies raising babies, absent fathers and mothers etc. I believe a required course in relationships(at an early age) would be very beneficial in many ways...
    I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed this and "How To Lose Your Woman" I thought they both were very interesting and I'm surprised there aren't more responses. This sistah says, "Amen" and Thank you.



    Scribeaboutit! It helps.
    CCBSKYN :heart:
     
  3. Nia Maishani

    Nia Maishani Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Bravo!

    I enjoyed this one even more than the 1st column I read.

    Thank you very much for the advice, Mike. :toast:

    I feel eager to share it with a friend who has made mistake #1 with one man after the other (holding on too tight). She was complaining to me last night over the phone about how all the men she meets seem to evade her, not returning her calls, saying they have been busy, etc.

    She said that another friend told her, just as I did, that she clings to men, wanting to spend every free moment with them. She denied that is the case (but it is).

    I told her that in MY situation, it is just the opposite, that it is ME who is busy and cannot return calls in a timely manner. We agreed we need to switch places (she lives in a different state), or that she needs to find a man who is the clingy type, and I need someone who appreciates "space". Very interesting views, you have presented. We are right ----->HERE<-----

    Nia M
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Brotherhood at it's best surely what u speaketh of is so true
    in studies i've learned that your mate can drive u away wit
    such demands to be what she wish u to be
    she can also drive him away wit her use of words at him
    indeed men has this I.Q too know when she is out of place
    and time to move on yet it comes to a suprise to her
    Mike u hit key points and feed what's real
    and I say Amen to da brotherhood of wisdom
    keep da wits to give knowledge for da one's who know
    yet say and the one's who don't and need to know
    this be a
    BILLBOARD hit
     
  5. Mike Ramey

    Mike Ramey Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh, the responses will come...

    Hey Fam!

    I'm not shocked by the lack of responses. Some folk are just NOT serious in the relationship arena! They TALK a wonderful game, but are not interested in putting in the sweat equity and heart equity in keeping a relationship going...and GROWING.

    SOME of us would rather hang out in the porno rooms, or the 'adult' chat rooms and unload the 'fantasy' of the day, rather than WORK on that relationship that God has given us with a person of his selection.

    Hey, ya can't say that a brother didn't warn you about the consequences of loosing your man or woman. I did my part. I pray other's do theirs!

    Mike Ramey
     
  6. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I just read this post...thank you Mike...I have forwarded this post to 1 brother and 2 sisters that i know. My husband and I recently realized that our problems could not be solved on our own and have turned to the church and bible study to re-establish the foundation of what marriage is all about. We realize that even after ten years of marriage and 18 years of dating, that we still don't have all of the answers and are just as vulnerable as everyone else when it comes to losing it. Going to church has helped us so much, as well as reminding us about the traditional roles that men and women should play under GOD's watchful eye. Once again, thank you.
     
  7. redlady

    redlady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yep Kemet...that too, I agree with you, although sometimes a woman can be very insightful if she knows YOU and you ask her about a man, she can be honest and see what you don't see about yourself, therefore giving positive input...you feeling me?

    I also agree that sex is not the only way to romance your man. I find that my husband is happiest with me, when I remember simple requests that he asks me to do, instead of ignoring them because they ARE simple requests and I know I can get away with them. I am about to run out and bake a cake for his birthday today...I know that will make him smile! Later....
     
  8. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    LMBO! Almost four THOUSAND views but only 5 posts!

    Methinks some folks didn't like this one very much! LOL!

    However, I do agree with most of this. I've known some women who NEED to read this.

    But, that part about women complaining about what her man's time spent in church or church leadership is one I have never seen. Conversely, the matter of men NOT attending church is more the issue.
     
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