Black Women : How to Deal with Catty Women

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by MsInterpret, May 26, 2013.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Grown Up Mean Girls: How to Deal with Catty Women

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    How to Handle Adult Queen Bees and Wannabes

    In a world where women still make less money than men in the same jobs, where housework is hardly ever split evenly between husband and wife, and where women's second shift of childwork and tending the house is notorious, it seems that women's biggest problem would be men. But for all too many women, it's the other women in their lives that make life difficult. Grown up mean girls, like bigger, scarier versions of the characters in Queen Bees and Wannabes can be catty, vindictive monsters. And while typically this behavior only causes some minor discomfort or hurt feelings, in extreme cases it can make jobs, relationships, and childrearing difficult and sometimes even impossible. So what's a girl to do when a grown up mean girl starts a rumor, begins glaring at her from across the room, or seems bound and determined to undermine everything she does? Here's how to handle the real life, adult mean girls:
    Don't Lash Out
    Vindictive, catty behavior between women thrives on reciprocity. You may be the victim now, but if you spread a counter rumor or engage in the game of dirty looks, you're just as guilty as the other woman, and you give her an excuse to become progressively meaner. The cycle of grown up mean girls truly is a cycle that spirals out of control, so allow that cycle to stop with you.

    Be Friendly Women are often socialized to see other women as competition and sources of jealousy. So while you may think another woman has no reason to be mean to you, in her mind she might. Rather than just ignoring her, make an effort to reach out. Greet her with a smile, ask her about her family, or compliment her on something she's wearing. If you're nice to her, she has little incentive to continue being ugly to you, and she'll move on to the next target.
    Call Her On It Some women are so used to interacting with other women in ways that are catty, vindictive, and mean-spirited that they may not be aware they're doing it. Mean girl behavior thrives on passive aggression, and it's hard for that aggression to remain passive if you call the other woman out on her behavior. Don't start a war and don't be ugly. But if there's a specific incident you can talk about, and being nice and friendly hasn't worked, confront the other woman and ask her if there's something that can be done to change the quality of your relationship. Some suggestions for how to start the dialogue:
    "Hey, I've noticed that you roll your eyes a lot when I'm talking, and it hurts my feelings. I didn't know if you were aware that you were doing this, but I wanted to see if there was something I had done to offend you so we can have a better relationship."

    "I feel like you don't like me. Have I done something to upset you?"
    "I've heard that you are saying ugly things about me. This hurts my feelings and I want to have a good relationship with you. What can we do to fix this?"
    Don't Take Undermining Behavior Lightly Mean girls in school or on the job can undermine your performance and make your job impossible to perform. If you've tried the suggestions above and nothing has worked, start keeping a log of incidents, then go to your boss or professor with your concerns. It is important that, if a mean girl is trying to undermine you, your superiors know this is happening.
    READ MORE: http://voices.yahoo.com/grown-mean-girls-deal-catty-women-6056952.html?cat=72
     
  2. MimiBelle

    MimiBelle Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I don't. >> shrug <<
    in addition to those ive picked up along the way? ive had the same 6 friends since girlhood. so...I'm pretty good at spotting bad seeds. I know how to be a friend. im a 'woman's woman'.

    there is no gossip. no s--t talking. no competing. no doublecrossing...and there shouldn't be among friends. Now that's how I operate.
    I do have one friends who will entertain 'frenemies' and she's always complaining about her. I was FORCED to associate with that woman. I'd rather not. perhaps its true that I didn't give her a chance...

    but yknow...I'm very good at people. i listen to my gut. so I watched her...listened to her... then my friend would be in my ear complaining about her antics. She understands that the girls a hot mess but she overlooks it. 'she needs my help, though. she' actually nice when you ---'

    Please...
    who the hell makes friends out of pity?
    my friend is my opposite She has LOADS of friends. sonetimes, confuses acquaintances with friends and has a high tolerance level for bulls--- bc shes always allowing folks who shouldnt, latch on to her. anyway....
    Its not that i didnt like her. she just wasn't my kinda female.

    friend had a wedding and I was cordial to her frenemy...though I had reason to be. months prior, yes...we had words.
    >shrug <
    I'm a nice person...until I'm not. i have the right to talk to whomever i feel like talking to. whats the big deal?
    The real question was: why was she all up under me seeking approval?
    in the end...she practically served her self esteem up on a platter and i wasnt exactly above dishing out some hefty emotional abuse.
    She attacked me first. she engaged me.
    THAT gave me the right. i never gave voice to my thoughts bc i hadnt told the girl how i felt about her and bc talking about her wouldve created tension.

    When she badmouthed me to my friends? I said, 'I...cannot be bothered. when that 'bottom barrel b---' is woman enough to air her imaginary grievance with me to my face then ill have reason to care. Moving on---'.
    it was only when she insulted me personally...in a 'joking' passive aggressive manner...that I rose to the occassion.

    so...anyway...
    this girl made a complete scene at the wedding rehearsal because she was not chosen to be a bridesmaid. I wasn't chosen either because my girl wanted a tiny, less costly affair...(and bc she didnt want to hear frenemie's mouth). i didnt get upset.
    > shrug <
    ...but she begged me to 'plan'...bc I'm 'way too anal to not be good at' planning an event. I was still trying to decide how to take that when I acceptd. It was fun, though. anywho....

    weeks after the wedding...we all sat down and watched the wedding video and the girls giggled over how I 'ignored' the frenemy. but I wasn't 'ignoring' anyone, TO ME. I acknowledged that broad's presence.
    i spoke when it was appropriate but I don't like her...and, not to be vulgar, but...if i dont f--- with you, i dont f--- with you.

    I'm not about to be like them. they dont like that hag either but half of them were over here - yknow... skinnin' and grinnin' in her face..
    ..and i dont wanna give the wrong impression. my friends arent normally the two faced sort but you cant force a round peg into a square hole w/o causing mass discomfort. regardless...I think that there's
    theres a huge differentiation btween being being phony and being cordial. some folks don't see the line but I do.
     
  3. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How can someone not realize they're being "catty"? I would think they realize it, but many just don't care to change; especially if they feel it gets them their way. To be catty doesn't seem like an easy job; it seems to take a lot of effort, so not being aware of it is kind of hard for me to imagine. Maybe being in denial of it?:lol:
     
  4. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Oh they are quite aware....and they aren't in denial either...some just are too stupid to care.
     
  5. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I can't really take cattiness; when women become catty with you, and you refuse to respond to it; you become number 1 on their hit list. I especially hate when they are catty with no one else but you, and everyone thinks you're trippin.
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    lol...That's why it's important not to give any ----s what anybody thinks about you.
     
  7. Angela22

    Angela22 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If we gave much thought to what the world over thought of us, many of us would be more messed up than what we already are. :lol: You just gotta roll with the punches.
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Too late!
     
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