Black Education / Schools : How to Deal with Bullying

Discussion in 'Black Education / Schools' started by Thelma Jackson-Smith, Dec 8, 2012.

  1. Thelma Jackson-Smith

    Thelma Jackson-Smith Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Jun 24, 2012
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    If you think your child is being bullied, what are some solutions for helping him or her?

    Have you ever been bullied? What did it make you feel like as a person?
  2. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

    Nov 2, 2009
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    independent thoughtist thinker, context linker
    theory to application to discussion to percussion

    Peace Thelma..

    I handled it as a young person by whooping some a##.. and that stopped it. When my youngest son was bullied in the 2nd grade, I went out and met kid and his Mother and I invited the kid over for a play date. His mother and I got along very well. The boy's father was living out of State and the mother was unprepared for motherhood alone.

    She loved him very much and their were no signs of abuse. And her son was son incredibly bright though he was suffering from high blood pressure and a couple of other medical conditions. One of the most startling things about this kid was that he didn't know how to use a fork.. and he didn't eat vegetables (at first). He had microwave chicken nuggets and pizza and hamburgers, etc.. for dinner each and every day.. all finger foods.. so he literally did not know how to use a fork.. or how to sit at the table and function in a family setting. His mom was 7 months pregnant at the time.. by the same out of town father.. and I could see that she was overwhelmed, so I opened my house to her son.. and we fixed him.. he came over on the weekends and studied and played.. we gave his mother the time she needed to do the things she needed to do without worrying about her son. And although her son initially rebelled against the structure of my household, he eventually bent to it and his behavior
    changed noticeably. And so did the behavior of his Mother. Over time I gently and indirectly challenged her regarding her sons nutrition. I'm cheap.. and I'm also born into the restaurant business so the kitchen is my natural workspace... So my challenge each week was to create meals that were nutritious, delicious and inexpensive. My meals are generally unseasoned and rely on the natural flavors of the ingredients. Much to his mother's surprise, her son enjoyed a couple of my recipes.. especially my chicken and vegetable soup.. I showed his mother how to make it.. and she began to make it at home.. and then she started cooking other things.. and she made a concerted effort to stop end the microwave menu that had been partly responsible for her son's medical condition and his social condition.

    And that was how we dealt with that particular bully. I supported his family with my familiy.. without judgement.. without preaching.. no school conferences to have strangers broker peace between community members.. no police, no court system, etc.. just person-to-person action.

    Some years later.. with a second bully.. my son just whooped the other kids a##.. and that stopped
    that. Then the ex-bully became my son's friend.. he started to come around the house.. and my son taught him how to play basketball.. and eventually convinced him to join the basketball team. This kid's mother was a little throwed-off.. as we say.. she was not all there.. and his father lived his own life in another city. He would come to our house and fall into our activities just like one of my own sons.

    When I was working nights, I spent a great deal of time at my kids school and you wouldn't believe how huge the "no-daddy" problem is among the kids. And I'm not talking about adults talking about it, I'm talking about the kids expressing it unsolicited in their own words and actions. It was heartbreaking at times. There was one kid that would walk up to me and put his hand in mine and ask me questions" He said to me a couple of times, "I want my daddy to walk me to school too.. I want to see my daddy too".. this kid was 6 or 7.. and he was crying very innocently.. and it really had a huge impact on me because I remembered how I felt about my own father.. and how I looked up to him and depended on him and mimicked him and held him in my mind. anyway.. this kid lived with his Grandmother. And his mother was in that life.. "on that stuff" the older folk would say. I lived around the corner from the house where I grew up and my kids were going to the same elementary school that I went to. And in the era where I grew up, everyone really knew everyone.. so I had been seeing his grandmother since I was a little kid myself. In fact, my sons and I walked right by her house on the way to school each morning. So, I talked to his grandmother.. and my youngest son took him under his wing.. and we began to stop at his grandmothers house on our way to school, and he began to walk to school with us. And that helped him and his grandmother who was always rushing to get him to school.. though she lived just about 6 or 7 minutes (walking) from the school.. she was in her late 60's and lived on a winding hill so she could not make the walk and had to drive him to the school instead. So, we folded this kid into our family in the way that we could.. and he walked with us almost everyday. He still missed his mother and father, but this minor substitution helped him in some way.. we could all see it.

    I really believe Community is the remedy for most behavioral problems regarding children. You can't fix it, but you can augment.. you can commune.. you can reach out.. and that action just might be the thing that makes all the difference in the world to a person/family. The worst thing that can happen is you can fail.. while the best thing that can happen is your circle of community.. of influence.. of support.. etc.. can be extended.

    -Peace again..