Black Parenting : How should i discipline my daughter?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by sfom bom, Jun 27, 2012.

  1. sfom bom

    sfom bom New Member MEMBER

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    she's 6 almost 7, i dont really know is it me being a bad mother or what. she has never lied, and once she started going to school and with her friends she started lying. i would ask her something i knew that she did do, and she would lie about it, until i yell at her. now just today, she took some of my money, without even asking, she really cant tell what $1 are like and $20, so she took five of my 20 dollar bills to school, and when i came home i found one left in her pocket. before her dad asked her and she said no, so i found it and got really mad, and we asked her to go to her friends house and get the money back since she gave it to her friends. i don't know what to do, i am so mad, and my husbands all like, well don't put your stuff there. what can i do to make her a better person?
     
  2. Knowledge Seed

    Knowledge Seed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Get a paddle or a ruler and spank her hands when she lies.
     
  3. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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  4. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Do you belong to a church? or a Mosque?.. or some other organization with a moral code of conduct?
     
  5. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    Before you break out the belt.. Their are several Teachable moments here..

    She needs to learn:

    1. What Trust is and why she should value it.. and also why it is necessary between a mother and daughter.
    2. The Importance of Obedience.. which includes the cost of disobedience.. Knowledge Seed shared one way of communicating that.
    3. The Function of money.. and the value of Money. It's good time to break out all of the different bills and familiarize her with their quantities in terms of what they can be traded for.. use examples of essentials.. Food, Shelter, clothing, etc..
    4. What friendship is.. and how to manage friendships. You should find out why she felt she needed to give her friends money.

    You can't communicate all of that with a belt or a switch. All she will learn is to not do what she did.. and also.. to fear mommy. And that will only cause her to hide more of her life from you. By the time she's 14 or 15 you won't know anything about her.. she'll just tell you what she has learned you want to hear.

    Parenting is a lot of work.. and it takes a lot of patience.. You obviously know that, or you wouldn't have posed this question at all.. you just would have beat her and called it done.

    Don't try and do all of these things I have listed in a single sitting.. break them up into a mini-program that includes.. stories.. a serious discussion.. some reading.. maybe some scenes from some movies.. and some consequences for her actions. Stress to her how important it is for her to regain your trust. Put your purse away.. exaggerate your distrust of her.. so she can see how it changes your relationship.. and have other people in your family participate in your program.

    It's more work than a spanking.. but the results run far deeper than just some act of violence.

    - peace.. and welcome to Destee.com
     
  6. info-moetry

    info-moetry STAFF STAFF

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    peace

    I would teach her that you don't have to try and buy your 'friends' and i would advise you to seek higher ground to place your pocketbook until the lesson seeps in. I would also talk to her 'friends' parents or invite those 'friends' over for a little extended family type love so that we're all on the same page. :)

    It's also a great reason to teach her about the value of money and how to save it. Maybe take her to a bank and show her how to open a bank account and show her how to keep track of it with her account book. My mother did it with me (not that i was stealing 20's from her) with me when i was 8 or 9 years old and my older brothers and sisters around the same age. It teaches you to respect money at a young age and makes you a little slower to run to the bodega with your friend's to get those honey buns, sunflower seeds, chips and soda when you know you have plenty of food in your refrigerator.

    These kids are highly intelligent, so teaching them anything at that age would hardly be over their head. :wink:
     
  7. SlickBeast

    SlickBeast Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Put her in a very dark room for a couple of minutes. Tell her the boogie man lives in the dark or something. That will scare the living hell out of her. Once she's out. Make her promise she'll never steal again. Don't use physical violence.
     
  8. Asomfwaa

    Asomfwaa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    First consider what you want to teach. Your daughter may have wanted to teach you that leaving money around when undeveloped and impressionable people are around is questionable. So thank her.

    Then find out how you will get the money.

    As to discipline, don't teach 'what's wrong' but 'what's right.' What is right? That is what you need to learn, then inculcate however you deem effective.
     
  9. Ebony1

    Ebony1 New Member MEMBER

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    Patience…Effective communication goes a long way here. Youngsters her age know a whole lot belive it or not. She doesn’t understand though that lying is not a good habit. Tell her why it's wrong. Give her an example and turn it around on her. The "how would you like it if..."

    black parenting
     
  10. Blackbird

    Blackbird Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother, that was some sound advice. We teach parenting classes from a few different angles and everything was right on point. Also, I like the "teachable moments" part. That's very much part of our daily vernacular.
     
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