Black Parenting : How should a single mother raise a son?

Discussion in 'Black Parenting' started by MsInterpret, Jan 21, 2011.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A woman can't teach a boy how to be a man, so what is a single mother to do when there is no man (father figure) involved?
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister MsInterpret ... Peace and Blessings,

    You know this is my kinda topic! Something I know a little bit about first hand.

    It's a very challenging task, for a Mother to teach her Son, how to be a Man ... and she aint no Man.

    It's not easy, but it is do-able, to the degree that the young man grows up, and after growing up, remains alive and out of prison.

    The success of raising a child ... Son or Daughter ... can be measured in so many different ways ... but in this day and time ... with our Sons dying and being locked up at genocidal rates ... just getting them to this place ... to adulthood without death and/or prison ... is the success most Black Mothers yearn for.

    Let him not die and not go to prison.

    If a Mother can do this, teach her son to stay alive and not end up in prison, she's done a great thing.

    Of course there is much more he must learn, but without these two ... if he falls prey to these ... very little hope is left for the rest.

    In addition, while a woman does not know what it is like to be a man, she has the great responsibility of raising a man.

    She can cry all day and night about not knowing how ... not being qualified ... but the task is still before her, and she must simply do her very best with it.

    The Black Single Mother must carry her weight and then some, and she's been doing it for generations ... and doing it well I might add!

    Many Great Black Men have been raised by Single Black Mothers, and most lived long enough to tell the story! :toast:

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I found this link and I thought it was a great article for single mother's raising boys....

    Seven Things Single Black Women Raising Boys Should Do
    Ayanna Guyhto

    There is a lot of buzz in the media about the state of relationships between black men and women?but more specifically, how the products of these
    relationships (the kids) are being raised. Black women raising boys in particular, are under a lot of pressure to present the world with a new generation of future husbands, fathers, and honorable members of society. But there are often stumbling blocks in this process. Some are self-imposed; others are due to unfortunate circumstances. If you're a single black woman raising a male child, there are a few things you might want to consider...

    #1- Talk about Dad with the child.

    This will probably be very difficult for you for any number of reasons. Perhaps you and your man had a messy falling out. There is also the chance that your son's father has little to no contact with his child. The unpleasant scenarios surrounding single motherhood seem never-ending. In any event, it's important that you at the very least, talk about his father with him.

    The benefit of doing so will depend heavily on the spin you put on things. Telling your son that his father is "having problems" is a lot better than telling your son that his father abandoned you and his child. Furthermore, not talking about your son's father at all may give him the impression that men in general are insignificant?and may later develop resentful feelings.

    #2- Watch what you say when you think he's not listening.

    People often forget that children soak up not just the things you tell them, but also the things they hear you say in talking to others. You might think that your phone conversation with a girlfriend is harmless. But if you're engaging in gossip or trash talk about your child's father, he might begin to adopt some of your views. The bottom line is that if he casually hears you claiming that "Men ain't @($*!"?as he grows, he'll begin to wonder about his own worth as a man.

    #3- Keep new "Uncles" away from the home.

    Years ago, when a single woman brought a new man home (as a new live-in boyfriend), the new beau was often referred to as "Uncle [insert name here]." This affectionate term was used to cushion the shock of
    having a new man around the house. The "Uncle" terminology may be a bit dated today. But what it represents is obvious. By keeping your dates private, you have a better chance of preventing your son from establishing a warped opinion of love and relationships.

    Read more: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2107225/seven_things_single_black_women_raising_pg2.html?cat=25
     
  4. Charles IKS

    Charles IKS Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hmmm! How much does he weigh? I mean, judging by your photo it looks like you are a strong and vibrant young woman so I wouldn't think that raising a son would pose a challenge to you. Unless of course the child was like 60-70 Ibs or something. Then you would need a man to help out!!!

    On a serious note, the only substitutes I see that could stand in as a father figure would be a brother if the woman had one or the father of the woman. I'm not saying that they would help you raise them but I would set it up to where they can spend enough time as possible with the boy to do manly things to keep his masculine energy stimulated.
     
  5. ChosenSeed

    ChosenSeed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think that it's important to keep your son around the men in your family that have a nuclear family of their own. You should go to great lengths to keep your son around these men. For instance, if you have a sister that has a successful family with husband and children, ask if your son can stay with them for an extended amount of time and you will offer them some money to take care of it.

    I personally came from a nuclear family but I experienced the sort of hybrid situation above. I had two working parents while my mother's sister and husband were fulltime ministers. Before I was school age I would get baby sat by them all day until my mother got off work. Even after I became school age I spent entire summers with them once they moved away from the area.
    In retrospect I didn't spend much time in the streets of my own neighborhood until I was like 12. At that age I was already filled with the right information and couldn't be swayed.

    I read above and think that it's paramount to HIDE all men that you are dealing with away from your son. I think that seeing different men come in and out of his mothers life contributes to homosexuality and his own dead beat father potential when he becomes an adult.
     
  6. Tha 144000

    Tha 144000 Active Member MEMBER

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    Great post,
    there has to be a strong male figure in the child's life...whether it's grandpa, uncle, or close friend this is so needed.
    Not only for sons but also young ladies need their father in their life as well.
    But for single moms you have to discuss the father with your son. You cannot act like he doesn't exist or talk bad about him.
     
  7. LadyLC

    LadyLC Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It is not an easy thing but I think it can be done. Maybe the father isn't around but hopefully there is an uncle, grand dad or family friend that can help out. My son has his uncle to look at and spend time with so that helps out a lot since my Dad isn't in the same city as us. My brother is a hard working man who has never been in any trouble with the law. He takes his role as uncle very seriously with my son and daughters so that helps me a lot. If I need some backup my kids know that Uncle K don't play lol.....
     
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