The pain I feel is immeasurable As I type these thoughts I look on threw Remy induced red eyes the Iranian bud got me intune with what I try to disguise she punched me in the mouth and kicked me out her car spitting blood on a black road clad in ball shorts n tee nothing but socks n kicks but im a she not he and somewhere bra n underwear shouldve been but wasnt there kinda like the credit for efforts rendered but replaced with venom.. I have never lashed out and hit, restrain yes, duck n dodge plus me if she gets pist is my nights sexual menage I dont regret my service to this nation the military used me up is what she screams its always me being dumb and incompetent I dont say anything because I hate to fuss maybe thats why im walking with no bra in the dark on a road with curves and no side walk, in the rain swallowing my own blood...I gotta leave a house she bought but we bought in her name but we are legally married just the same how should I feel? Remy said drink and about it we can think Irene says inhale her deep and I say how am I suppose to feel? Better yet I oblige so I cant feel... Pain is what I feel ripped 2 shreds Not smoking n drinking to suppress, but 2 ease the distress talk down to me but im older demand this always her way or no way plus my moms schizophrenic 24 years just now finding out knowing couldve made the difference Im feeling like a orphan all over again sick of being kicked out of places I called home I feel like a ....cause I dont hit back her words pierce my soul its always my fault for what she does so y should i talk y should i care when she says she doesn't? how the === should I feel? Like I wanna cry cause Allah knows im bleeding torment like dying inside I wanna just swallow n cut my attachment n cycle you out but I cant shake the feeling of wanting 2 fight 4 us but how should I feel?? How should I ---- feel??