Black Women : How Not To Date A Black Man

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by oldsoul, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. OldSoul

    OldSoul Permanent Black Man PREMIUM MEMBER

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    How Not To Date A Black Man By Darryl James

    The young lady was cute and I could see from the other side of the room that she was checking me out. I was working the crowd at the business mixer and was already headed her way.
    As I approached the table where she and her friends were sitting, she smiled and beckoned me over. Of course, I complied. She was assertive, not aggressive and I appreciated that.
    We exchanged light conversation and then exchanged numbers. It was looking pretty good. She expressed a desire to get together at a later date.
    Our conversation that night was encouraging. She talked about wanting to date an educated gentleman. I assured her I was one. I talked about wanting to date a nice, smart confident young lady and she assured me she was one.
    I called her the next day and left a message. She called me back two days later, which wasn’t a problem when she explained that she was out of town.
    Our second conversation started off well. She wanted to get to know me and began asking what I like. I asked the same of her and was feeling pretty good until she went there.
    She began to express some negative sentiments about Black men.
    I didn’t see it coming, but sadly, I was prepared. I stay ready because like all too many Black men, I frequently hear negativity about Black men from Black women.
    The question is asked: “If you hear these things frequently, doesn’t that mean they ring of truth?” Well, the answer is the same as when white racists speak of Black men and women in the negative: “Just because something is popular does not mean that it is either true or good.”
    McDonald’s is popular, but anyone who cares about their health realizes that it’s popularity doesn’t mean that it is good for the body.
    Negativity is no different.
    But I digress.
    The lady wanted me to explain why “most” Black men prefer white women. Before I could explain how silly that question was, she wanted me to explain why “more” Black men are having secret sex with other men and spreading AIDS to Black women.
    I knew we were done. And I knew how to end it before it started.
    I began by introducing something that those conversations rarely feature: Truth.
    Regarding the Black man’s alleged preference for white women, I informed her that in any television show, magazine or newspaper article, Black men are rarely quoted on their preference for dating white women over Black women. The white women we supposedly prefer are rarely quoted, and further, there are NEVER any studies, surveys or any other research presented.
    The whole “down low” silliness suffers from the same failings.
    Sadly, even after getting her to admit that there was no factual basis for her negative rhetoric about Black men, she still refused to let go. She insisted that since many of her friends held the same beliefs, that they must have validity.
    I went straight to the chase. I asked her why she was interested in dating a Black man, since she obviously held very little hope for finding a good one. I sincerely wanted to know. I also needed to know what result she expected from telling a Black man how horrible Black men are.
    Her answer? She wanted me to prove to her that good Black men exist. My response? Too much work for what will more than likely be without reward. I won’t prove to you that you are wrong if you are already convinced that you are right before I meet you, especially if I have to keep hearing how right you are.
    The sad reality is that sisters who participate in the negativity campaign against Black men are in many cases, driving away the good brothers from their lives. How could you find a decent Black man, when you repel us by telling us up front how horrible we are?
    This situation is a clear example of a relatively new movement that is ripping our already fragmented community apart. That movement is the proliferation of negative comments about Black men from Black women...
    The rest: click here
     
  2. FaithSoulSistah

    FaithSoulSistah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    "I asked her why she was interested in dating a Black man, since she obviously held very little hope for finding a good one."

    That's a good point, but most bashers do not think clearly. Or see how their own behavior can bring about negative experiences. And then when the relationship doesn't work out, they will lump the person into the 'no-good' category and reinforce the faulty belief.


    "The sad reality is that sisters who participate in the negativity campaign against Black men are in many cases, driving away the good brothers from their lives. How could you find a decent Black man, when you repel us by telling us up front how horrible we are?"

    Yes, they are driving the good brothers away and attracting the negative ones in droves. This is why they feel the situation is so grim. I can't tell you how many bashers (male and female) I've tried to get to see this and it was like talking to a brick wall. So they will get more of the same until they wise up. If they ever do.

    But to be fair, there is a lot of negative propaganda out there against black people. It's everywhere. And many of us have internalized it. So black folks are catching hell from everybody, including other black folks. So if we are not conscious, we become a part of the problem.
     
  3. queentswana

    queentswana Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    How NOT to date a black man??
    ..whew...I'll pass on that one. I'd much rather know how to treat, love, spoil and keep one.

    What amazes me is that I was under the impression that ..the energy/ora you send out, is what comes back to you. Just wondering how a wonderful man can feel pulled in or too this woman in the first place, how so much negativity could even allow him to look her way.

    However, some women do have that hang-up ...in the worst way! ...But there are soooo many of us brother, that loves the ground a Black Man/King/warrior walk on.​
     
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