Black Relationships : How much does your spiritual beliefs play into your mate choices and being eye to eye

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Tribal_House, Jun 17, 2009.

  1. Tribal_House

    Tribal_House Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm in the process of writing a article for a online group because within our community with a popular term with our christian sisters in seeking love is seeking a god fearing man. From what I found 80% of blacks identify as christian, 10% as catholic so about 90% christian actually. 5% muslim, so the remainder 5% being everything else including myself in that remainder 5%. Don't know how much of the last 5% would be those of us who follow earth based beliefs. I wanted to get a idea of some of the experiences from others in dating and relationships when your belies are the other category, namely earth based beliefs. I know our sisters outnumber us brothers in earth based beliefs and wanted to know especially from our brothers what has been your experience in dating. Would be helpful if you live outside of a major metro area that will not have a diverse spiritual population. I live in South Florida and the collective assumption being that if you are black you are christian by default. Finding a sister here that I can even broach the spiritual matters with is a no go either sending them running for the hills or trying to whack me with a bible in a symbolic way.
     
  2. Ikoro

    Ikoro Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Truthfully? It's been tough to find Sisters that are sane.

    As a young revolutionary I always said "I'll never do this, that or the other". But you grow up and realize that never is not a good word and does not denote integrity.

    I think it's impossible to date a christian Sister if she's into it (praising jesus, really BELIEVING that stuff), especially if she won't even open her third eye to even begin questioning the obvious untruths. However, if she's a good natured Sister and able to open up a little and engage in discussion I can try.

    But a bible toting, jesus praising, other people condemning, white god fearing Black woman? Nah man, I'll stay away, ain't trying to catch that mad cow disease.

    But at the moment, I am seeing a Sister from back Home who is christian (pentecostal of all things), and she is slowly opening her eyes and battling with the fear instilled by the doomsday worshippers. Ya dig? I am putting in a lot of love, and having been enslaved once I am understanding of her process. So I'm not forcing her, just walking WITH her. Talking, sharing, thinking out loud, laughing and sometimes attacking (my bad).

    It feels like the worst sin against our ancestors and a pathetic compromise for a man to make, because I take my spirituality seriously. But I know we are from a people of tolerance and openness, so I am practicing that to the extent I can without selling myself to a woman married to a white god. I know my ancestors wouldn't hate for trying, especially considering the fact that I'm accomplishing something good if I succeed.

    One day, I pray (and work hard so that) she'll wake up... when she does, we'll rise together to the black skies without fear, doubt or colonizers logic.

    Now, if only she'd turn vegan with me as well (working on that, 80% done) :D

    Ashe.

    I'm surrounded my christians and a whole bunch of moslems, both equally enslaved.

    Oh... I don't even live in the states... guess I shouldn't have answered this... my bad -_-

    One.

    - Ikoro
     
  3. GeorgeM

    GeorgeM Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    LMAO but I love your response sir.....I do



    ASE
     
  4. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    personally I'm not bothered by someone with different religious or spiritual beliefs than me...unfortunately a good number of our sisters want a good "god fearing church going man," so it does make it tough out here on the dating market........I've had to pass up girls that I was really interested in, because of their strong beliefs..........
     
  5. Son of RA

    Son of RA STAFF STAFF

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    The sistahs say they want a "God fearing" man :whip:. I have a question. Are the sistahs really saying they want a brotha that fears the white male. I say that cause my brain computer tells me if Jesus is always portrayed as white and he is the so called son of God, then logic tells me that God is white. It is simple mathematics/logic: son is white = father is white (father is called God).


    In addition, when so called sistahs date white males they do not require him to be "a God fearing" church goer. Or do they? If not, I wonder not? My guess is because they figure they are dating God so how can God fear himself.
     
  6. Ikoro

    Ikoro Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Son of RA!

    You touched it, Brother. That was niiiice. LOL'ing har here man. Ehehehe... Can't stop.

    Never thought about that. Deep, black, true. Big up for bringing that to the table.

    - Ikoro
     
  7. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    Currently I have put dating to the back burner

    I find it difficult to have an intelligent conversation with men that are conditioned in their beleifs...

    the last guys that i dated where christian... and i let them know that i wasn't and had no intent on going back down that road...

    they said that was fine ....

    one actually his parents where both ministers and he said he accepted it because it was all he knew... then he wanted to go to bible school.. and talked marriage... how can i be a good wife i said if i can't support what your about... i told him think twice about takin me home because i'm not a yes woman and i will challenge in a respectful way everything that they say... when i broke it off it he checked into an asylum and really started trippin hard... i felt compassion for him and forgave the things that he said about me but it was difficult to witness just how weak he really was when he always talked about how much joy he had in his religion..

    the other guy was like you'll change cause i'll lead you .. he claimed he use to be a gang member and had killed two people... and had the attitude that a woman should be submissive which meant that all we did was argue... and although he said he was no longer involved with a gang when he saw someone wearing the color of the other gang he spit at the person... then started teaching sunday school to children... go figure

    dated a muslim man and he told me we couldn't marry because i wasn't muslim and if we did he would make sure i was dressed like the taliband.. more like peter peter pumkin eater syndrome...

    I'd like to date a man that realized that a woman is not a possession and thinks for himself ..

    love can't exist with two people gazing into each others eyes.. they have to be looking in the same direction....

    c i love being a woman... and i love taking care of what i love... not because someone is telling me it's my duty, but because naturally i want to nurture... but at the same time i don't want to be taken for granted and un-appreciated... the idea i think is to set a standard and never settle....

    great topic and questions.

    really I was thinking very deeply about this recently...

    about belonging.. fitting in... what does that mean? I was thinking about myself and the way that my mind works... and it brought me back to a time when i was under the age of six.... and the level of my awareness.... i mean i realized i was thinking at a really young age... i would look at my arms and hands and think wow i'm really here... and then i would think how amazing... then i would think wow... how amazing that i am here and even more amazing is how i'm thinking the thought how amazing i am here....

    all i knew was i am here, period...

    then school came ... first grade and i remember my teacher sayin it's sept 1981... i thought wow it's 1981... 1981... by then i was six... but that's when i realized time... someone told me about it.... before that i really had no concept of time....

    so i wonder how many men are really ready to explore our existence and true relation to others... i started doing that before i even knew that it was what i was doing...

    and the conditioning started when someone told me it was 1981 ...

    how can i really think this way... and it's really quantum and date a man that goes with conditioning because it's easy... if i can't talk about my thoughts and have the intelligent exchange toward understanding then even with someone in my life the feeling is still alone... and the things that lonliness will dictate to a person as option sometimes just don't make any sense at all.....
     
  8. Jahari Kavi

    Jahari Kavi Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    that's kinda surprising that a muslim man was trying to force you to convert. The quran specifically states that it's okay for a muslim man to have a wife from another religious background. Same can't be said for the wife having a husband of another religious background......
     
  9. MRS. LADY

    MRS. LADY Banned MEMBER

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    It surprised me as well...

    when I asked him why he was Muslim he said that the person that encited his conversion scared him so much about being doomed he felt he had no choice...

    he felt like his spirit was lifted also..

    but really words and actions did not coincide .. he was the first one to make claim to love me but just as quickly call me out of my name...

    we are still friends and some of the tribulations that he has endured has made him more open and more aware and appreciative of differences...

    he asks lots of questions now... why i am vegitarian.. why i meditate.. why i've decided not to give it up...

    we've accepted that we ain't the two and i ain't the one but the conversations and the respect have developed....

    he's a good brother and i respect his path.. mostly during ramadon when hes fasting and how important it is to him that he not break his fast... it takes a lot of discipline.....

    personally tho.. i c myself with someone who can answer questions.. as opposed to asking... i can't grow if i can't receive

    for me i am so in tune with my emotions and so aware of the cosmic, psychic bond that we all share it's difficult because so many men are not in tune with their feminine side and don't realize that when your connected it's easy to read what liez in the heart....
     
  10. Tribal_House

    Tribal_House Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Let me say that even though 90% may be inflated, the stat i came across gave these percentages. I don't think they are too far off though. Even if you don't outright call yourself christian. Its the one religion that we have been indoctrinated into in our environment. I am stuck in my mind with a statement that was said on a tv show by a white elderly character to the black male character that was a doctor. The show was Gideon's Crossing. The statement inferred was he should know his ten commandments since he comes from a "church going race." That term "church going race" has always stuck in my head. Excluding your major metro cities where you stand a chance to find some semblance of diversity within the black population spiritually/religiously. Outside of these areas finding someone that doesn't feel pressured to identify as anything but christian are slim. Not to say you won't find someone that isn't but these environments feed into themselves.

    This mythical god fearing man is a standard that is set never achieved because the reality is its a man that these sisters want to control. The men that I have seen that are supposed to be god fearing men are either the pastor's lap dogs or men with no backbone that are waiting on the sisters hand and foot. My two surrogate son's their mother was a church going women that let some god-fearing brother rent a room from her in her home and this brother was always running behind some sister he was after which she took full advantage of for her own needs. He could never get the boys to go to bed when their mother was around. If I worked a late night stopped by and saw them up I got them to bed real quick.


    The church has been a part of our culture for generations and its only fair that most of our people identify with the church even if they don't go to church, I always ask these sisters why aren't most brothers in church and no one can seem to answer that question. I think a point which is true for alot of us we see jesus and god as white male figures and we can't identify with something that doesn't look like us at the same time the alleged black male pastor that pretty much grew up in means not of power and seeing that he has power in the church takes advantage of that. If you notice at least here I have most of these pastors are driving Lincoln Continetals, Mercedes or some other luxury car and the avergae car of the church member may be a Toyota Camry or something like that. Absoulute power corrupts and some pastors have it over their congregation.

    A pastor in the black community is pretty much a profession where you really don't have to go to college and still have a decent income.Of course if you are putting bodies in the pews it helps and getting people coming out the pocket helps as well.
     
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