Black Women : How many would give up love just to satisfy your children?

Discussion in 'Black Women - Mothers - Sisters - Daughters' started by nevar, Aug 13, 2011.

  1. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I must say that bringing a man into your life when the kids aren't his are tough. Men dating ready made family is common now. I find that kids now don't like the boyfriend/husband you choose, and causes frictions in the home. It is a constant battle to try to keep the peace. I'm sure alot of us can relate to being in a step-family situation. As a kid it is hard to follow or listen to someone who is not your biological. Kids have even driven their mother's friends away to keep them all to themselves while they have their happiness. Is it selfish of us to want our parents to remain lonely while we have relationships. Can the children give up on love when we mothers' feel they can do better than who their with? I find myself asking these questions because choas is part of your life. The kids refuse to respect him, and the hardest part is trying to bring everyone together. So ladies would you give up dating or sharing yourself if your kids don't want you to love nobody else. Or would you wait until your kids were grown until you decided to date. Time is short for me, and everyone wants to have companionship, friendship, and so forth. Tell me your thoughts on this.......
     
  2. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Nevar ... great topic and thread ... thanks for starting it.

    This is a topic i have STRONG opinion on, that will probably be considered too extreme for most.

    I am of the opinion that once you have children, you simultaneously relinquish many of your wants.

    A parent has a higher responsibility now, to things outside their own selves, their children.

    Women need to be VERY VERY VERY CAREFUL ... CAUTIOUS ... bringing men around their children.

    While men should not do this either, it's often women more likely to be the primary caregiver.

    Becoming a parent changes the dynamics of a life, completely, and there's no room whining about ... what about me, what about my life, what about my personal relationships, interactions, wants, desires, etc. ... too bad, so sad ... let it go.

    You owe your children the safest, most peaceful environment you can provide ... and bringing men into their lives, their homes, their personal spaces ... just because you've found someone to penetrate you regularly ... is not fair to them.

    Go to dude's house. Make him pay for a hotel. Make him prove he's worth meeting your children.

    The break up of relationships are often very hard, emotionally devastating to adults, but we not only take this on for ourselves, but we put our children in the middle of it too ... to face these challenges with absolutely no tools to deal with them. Even grown women can't deal well with breakups, so we can guess how the children will fare.

    No ... wait until your children are grown ... or make the man take you somewhere the children can't see ... can't even know he exists in your world.

    I know it's hard to do ... but it can be done ... i'm a witness.

    Love You and thanks again for posting a topic close to my heart!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    There was a time when Single Mothers only had to worry about their daughters, whether the new man in their life would cross the line, and violate their daughters in some sexual manner, given the opportunity ... but those days are gone ... now you have to worry about them violating your sons too.

    It's a dangerous game to play, bringing men around your babies.

    The damage can be so great, that the children never recover from it.

    Be careful Single Mothers ... make the man take you somewhere else.

    Let your babies have their home. the peace in it, the level of comfort, that comes when strange men aren't present.

    Love You!

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. nixprophet

    nixprophet Psalms 82:6 MEMBER

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    Women are the Means to Create a Nation....

    Guard yourselves ESPECIALLY when there is not a Man to Aid and Assist in this DIVINE duty... You women are strong and Blessed...

    Influence is Influence and once its made the damage is done..

    As a Man.. Be careful about who you bring around your kids....

    Peace.. Peace..
     
  5. Chevron Dove

    Chevron Dove Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man! Sister Destee! You really put it down!
     
  6. Chevron Dove

    Chevron Dove Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i really feel passion and understand you when you say:

    Time is short for me, and everyone wants to have companionship, friendship, and so forth. Tell me your thoughts on this.......

    Yes, I can relate to a Step-family situation as I was a step-daughter and came from a broken family. I feel like if anyone needs to be validated and have companionship, love, friendship and that kind of comfort, nobody deserves it more than Black women. I know what it feels like to FEEL LIKE, 'Time is short', but don't put yourself on a clock, because after awhile, I began to realize that is not true. Time is not short. If you focus on priorities, meaning the welfare of your children, the peace and assurance your children need from you, their nurturer, you will be rewarded more than you will ever believe. I can't tell you that on actual true completion, as I'm still waiting for that full acknowledgement, I'm still needed as a mother!!!--but still based on what I've sacrificed for my children to be alright, I can tell you I have already gotten a return that I'd never thought possible or even imagined.

    Sure, I'm afraid of losing my youthful appeal and attraction, that I see men look for, but I've come to realize that real men, obsess over 'a woman'!--They look for something much more deeper than just youthful appearance, and that is now, what means the most to me,--getting that kind of attention and acknowledgement.

    Now, I've seen my sisters be harmed...but for some reason, I escaped that kind of abuse coming out of my home, and i can tell you, it's a wound that goes too deep. I have deep anger because i feel that my mother should have done something to not let that happen to my sisters, and because i was the middle child, i fought desperately for my sisters to the point in which i got hurt in other ways. I took their fights because i became the protector. now, i'm kinda angry...And, there came a point in which I had to let go and fight for my own children when I had them.

    Now, my children are in a position of which I could have never foreseen. they are both still needing me, but Aced out in education, in a extremely high educational programs, science programs, and maintaining 4. + gpa...i got a mechanical engineer student and a rocket scientist student... Although I've not had to be a single mother, I remember at times, I wanted to leave, and I remember how heart rendering it was when i saw the pain on their faces, voices and etc., I mean, running out of the house, falling on the ground, begging their Dad and Mom not to part...I sucked it up...and comforted them...that i would be the rock no matter what...and somehow, a higher power came through for me. Somebodies got to think about the children...

    But no, Time is not running out for you...You will be okay.
     
  7. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i understand what you say Destee and your right. This coming from you makes me realize that love can wait on me, and true love will come one day. The real joy and love is making sure my kids are safe from harm.
     
  8. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yeah your right time is not running out for me. and i feel the same way with you I am trying so hard to have the family I never had. That I just want everyone to get along. But there's no sense in making my children suffer because they can't get along with someone that isn't my husband. Thank you for your thoughts.
     
  9. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah we have to be careful who we bring around our kids. sometimes the person don't show their true colors until it is too late.
     
  10. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i appreciate the love Destee my babies will have their home.
     
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