Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nisa, Apr 19, 2005.
How long do you think a couple should be together before they get married?
If it's absolutely necessary that you must get married, I'd say a minimum of 2 years. You don't even scratch the surface before that. I honestly would say longer personally, but between 2 and 4 years is a good time.
That is a tough question, because it is difficult to put time frames on relationships. It is of the utmost importance to give yourself time to know a person...to observe them in several situations...to see contradictions in thought, word, and deed...to be certain of compatability & shared values. How much time is necessary for this to occur? I really can't say, I think that is personal! I would frown on people getting married after only being together for less than 1 year. At the same time, I don't think a man has to wait 4 years or more to determine that a woman is wife material.
Looking at the same face...Honey where is my teeth?
Pan is correct. I chose 2 to 4. Only because to each his / her own. But one should spend some years living with one another before getting married.
I knew in my 5th year my wife was marriage material. I proposed in college. We got married five years after that. Keep te relationship flowing. Have fun. Joke and laugh together a lot. I used to tell her as soon as I figured out how to get away. I would. She never laughed at that!
I dated ten years before I married. We spent a few years in an apartment. A few years in college together, and saw each other everyday, because she lived down the street from my house. Married twenty-two years this year. Actually I count the dating time also.. so I have been strapped a longtime.
hmmm how long does it take to do a thorough credit check? LOL jeeeees kiddin LOL
I double up with Kente & Hodee bear...and I add that I think this 2 years is a minimum on even talkin bout engagements and such... AFTA engagement...I say PRE-married time MINIMUM of a year...you got to give ya lives TIME...
Length of time doesn't seem to be as iportant as the quality of the time and the maturity of those involved. My mother married in her thirties a man she had only known for a month. They've been married twenty six years. But one of my aunts married right out of high school a man she had been going with since they were ten years old. Their marriage did not last two years. And of course I married a man I had "known" from a distance for two and a half years. It's not that I did not give myself time to know my husband. But I closed my eyes to what I knew.
To me what's more important is that both parties know themselves and what they want in the marriage. Statistics show that most people who live together first have a higher rate of divorce than those who just get married. Probably because people who live together have each other on trial. They are looking for certitudes and there are no certitudes. There are going to be problems no matter how carefully you test a person. Can you live with those problems or are they too much? A person who is honest about what he/she sees in the other person for one month has a better chance of a happy marriage than someone who has been fooling themselves for ten years.
You should know a person longer than a year if you plan on marrying them because I feel that you don't know the person that well enough. That's one of the reason why people are gettin' divorce so quickly, they don't know eachother well enough. They don't know how the person really is nah mean.1luv
Why is it so easy to lie but so hard to tell the truth.
I dont think its that..i think people get married for the wrong reasons. SMH
truely many would take time to know each other and spend the time to
see if this what's best i would say 2 to 4 years on many reasons but everyone
has it's own time frame to tie the knot or shouls i say jump the broom !
i have to agree with many here for those reasons
I once jumped too soon and it end in sorrow
when i make that step again surely i will know and it will be years before i do .
It seems to me that the notion of "marriage" has lost it's significance.
The discussion of time limits indicates that one is looking for all the wrong reasons to decide to get married: sexual enjoyment, credit worthiness, career success, educational attainment, COMPATIBILITY (whatever that means). Or maybe the time is needed to find an excuse not to get married.
I recall a friend onced asked a business executive what was needed for corporate success. The answer he was given was, "Choose your wife well." John Kerry divorced his first wife because she didn't share his political ambitions. And on and on.
Those of us who have been married for a long time (and are still enjoying our first and only marriages) -- I have been married for 38 years -- know that success is all about being committed to the MARRIAGE, not pouting like a child whenever things don't go your way. After so many years, neither of us is as attractive as we once were, we have had countless disagreements and resolved our issues, we don't keep a record of wrongs, we forgive when one makes a mistake, we accept 100% of the responsibility for the success of our relationship, home, children -- no negotiated settlements (you take 40%, I'll take 60%).
The point is, we made a commitment to EACH OTHER (at age 19 by the way -- before we had any children), and to FORSAKE ALL OTHERS. I made her the most important person in my life; and she made me the most important person in her life. That is what the MARRIAGE COVENANT is all about.
We have spent 38 years getting to know each other. Neither of us is the same person we were before we were married. And no amount of time before the marriage would have alerted us to how we were going to face life's challenges TOGETHER.
Successful marriages require a genuine, full commitment, without reservations -- and the will to stay married one day at a time. Soon, it will be 30, 40, 50 years.
Try it. You'll like it.
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