Black Relationships : how long before you move in together?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by gempis, Feb 29, 2004.

  1. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Was wondering what the family thought about this question: how long should one wait before moving in with a girl or boyfriend? How soon is too soon?
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Need more information!

    Meaning no disrespect but, this is a very vague question and the range of responses can be all over the place. Is there something more specific you want to know or is there more substance to your reasons for asking this question?

    Help me out gempis.

    Peace :spinstar:
     
  3. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I am interested in precisely those range of responses, NNQueen. I have personally had a rule that I would not move in with a love interest until we've been together for at least a year. But there are those, including people I know, who move in much, much sooner. I am keenly intrigued by other's opinions on this.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    hummmmm! well to me the best thing is first knowing your mate but also
    sometime you really won't truely know them until you stay together i've seen
    both sides of it happen for the good and bad, to me it's not how long you
    wait or how fast you act it's about knowing thy mate and how it will be together
    which is a big step and knowing the inner self is greater then one self when it
    come to this move because it can both way in good or bad i think it's up to each
    person or mate /lover to go with there own feelings on it i really can't say if
    too soon is to fast or too slow in acting on a move to stay together
    you can move in too fast and hurt the relationship when it come to heart
    things happen or all the cards wasn't delt or played out this can be costly.
     
  5. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    We'll, I've moved in with a woman after a year. It was a mistake. Through experience, I would say no sooner than 2 years for me. Maybe even longer than that depending on how the relationship is progressing. I don't think I would move in with a woman again unless I thought I would marry her in the near future. A lot changes when you move in, that's why I say the longer you wait, the better. You have to really feel a person out first.
     
  6. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Been There, Done That

    Anytime before marriage is too soon for me. The only exception is if I'm engaged and the actual wedding date is within 60-90 days.

    My ex and I lived together for 5 years. We got along great and I have no complaints about our living arrangement. BUT I do feel our living together changed the dynamics of our relationship. I felt married but wasn't. Part of my freedom was gone, yet I was faithful to my partner. I was helping to raise his daughters, yet I wasn't a step mother. Something about that relationship left me feeling unfulfilled. My ex has since moved in with his current girlfriend. They've been together for 8 years and they still are not married. I knew that could have been me, it would have been our 13th year and I doubt we would have ever married...so I left.

    I lived with my daughter's father for 3 years. Of course I was younger then, but it was the same outcome. I felt domestic but wasn't. I knew there was not permanent situation from day one.


    I know I'm capable of living with someone I love but I'd rather make that move for better or for worse like it's intended. When I marry I won't be looking for an out. So no ROOMIES for me...I'll wait for a hubby instead.
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    but do look at it on the other side sometime a move can help you know your mate
    more and feel all the pros and cons of how it would be sometime this can be a building point.....it really can go both ways but also how the mate / lover or person
    feels about it .
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Curious

    Is the question really about the length of time or the time you take to get to know a person?

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  9. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I just don't believe a move will help you know a person more. Sometimes no matter how long you know a person or live with them you never really know them. People will always continue to change so it's not like you can pigeonhole them into the way you think they ALWAYS WILL BE.

    If you and your mate are serious about one another, you will share your deepest inner most self with them and vice versa...and if you make that a habit then moving together will be a breeze. I stated above that my ex and I lived together problem free for 5 years...but I wanted marriage or to be free to be single. He didn't want marriage.

    Like I said my personal choice is not to do the live in thing, but to each his own.
     
  10. gempis

    gempis Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I really appreciate all the responses so far, fam. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
     
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