Black Relationships : How do you tell a friend I don't care?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by luvmyppl, Apr 26, 2009.

  1. luvmyppl

    luvmyppl Member MEMBER

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    How do I tell my friend without hurting her feelings that I am tired of hearing about her man? She has been with him almost six years, has endured abuse, takes care of him since he wont keep a steady job and takes care of the kids alone. Just found out in the mail he has a three month old baby by someone else and she still wont leave. She knows he is no good but refuses to leave him. I have made small gestures about her just being by herself. I am not trying to make her think like me. I just want what's best for her but she has to find that on her own. I just need a way to let her know that if she chooses to be with him then fine. But don't come calling me complaining about it since that's what you choose to do. So how do I express that I don't wanna hear it? I love her very much, she's my best friend. But it's starting to wear me out every time she calls i have to hear about it. Right now I just avoid her but I feel bad doing that.

    Any advice will do at this point.
     
  2. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    just as you ask why she stay with him i can ask why you stay with her. maybe it is the same answer.

    i have walked away from people who bring me down.
    i have more peace but i don't have many friends.
     
  3. cherryblossom

    cherryblossom Banned MEMBER

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    You already have your answer.

    You have just stated that you (1) care for her and value her friendship, (2) explained the state of her relationship and its woes, (3) conveyed your willingness/ability to not tell her what to do, and (4) expressed how it makes you feel when she unloads/DUMPS her problems on you.

    I suggest you that you take this post, re-write it into a letter and give it to her.

    Let the letter do the talking.
     
  4. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Often when we care about a person we try not to hurt them , while hurting ourselves
    this seem to be the case here you allowing self to be worn out by her mental blindness
    that she have a man not good for her , best way is being real y'all greatest of friends
    just tell it up front , that's your man one that's no good but you linger in his grace
    but yet you complaint and cry about it , let it go move on to someone new or just
    leave me out of it i don't want to hear about him anymore !

    I love you and all but my advice you have turn blind to and there's nothing i can do
    more to help you see the only comfort from it is to get away from it like i choose to do

    The problem is only what you make of it , removing myself from this is best and you should
    do the same .

    Good luck letting her know you tired and done with this on going problem she loggin round

    I hope she hear you and move on there are many good men who would love and treat her
    with upmost ....

    sometime we have to let go even friends who may be a problem to ourselves and wearing us down
    sometime we just have to speak up with raw truth and tough love and mean it
    then sometime we just have to understand they may be in love or displaying low self-esteem to move on
    in any case we have to do what's best for ourselves as well .....again good luck !
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    It's very hard watching a train wreck. Tell her the unemotional truth. Tell her staying in an abusive relationship, at some point, stops being his fault
















     
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