Black Men : How do you PROTECT OR DEFEND your home?

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by NNQueen, Jun 23, 2004.

  1. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,376
    Likes Received:
    1,431
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,863
    Brothers, these are hypothetical questions. Tell me how you would respond to the following scenarios:

    If someone you invite into your home says something that clearly disrespects your mother, sister, wife or daughter, what would you do?

    If you were having a conversation with colleagues at work, male and female, one of them, a man, said something that was hostile and violent about women in general, and a woman that was present was outwardly offended, how would you react?

    Say you live in a small, close knit community and one member, a man, has problems with Black women in general and isn't quiet about it. In fact, every chance he gets, he talks about how most Black women aren't any good and need to be hurt or used. You're having a discussion one day in mixed company and this man comments that most Black women should be put out of their misery and die. Would you speak up and say something to this man?

    Say your daughter is a young Black woman who is dating a Black man who is mysogynistic and controlling and you know it. Your daughter really likes this guy though and would be hurt if they broke up. As a father, what would you do, if anything? Would her age make a difference in what you say or do?

    Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower?

    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    answer// i would show them the door fast noone can disrespect my home
    my wife,child,sister or mother and let it be known that women like these is
    the reasons he/she is here today !
    one who disrespect a lady is one whom care less and hold no heart so these
    kind of folks can't be friends with me .

    2.answer// simply state and point out he was wrong and my reaction would be
    very much in an outburst for such comment at a lady or women i would also
    remove my self from his company all together but will let him know he should
    apologize to that lady whom was present or before us , surely it would leave a
    bitter taste toward him for his actions

    3.answer ....to a point her age would make a different because i can't
    control her life but i can no matter what let her know she don't have to be treated
    that way and surely she can fine someone better even if it hurts hearts do mend
    but before me he can't act in such way or i will break him down no man can step
    on my child in fact no woman that's around me you looking for a fight i was raised
    to respect and honor our women , sistah's , Queenz and never sit back and watch
    a lady be hit , pushed around i would have to step in and say something and let him know this my baby and no man on earth going to misused her at any point

    and yes i feel and always felt i was a leader i vow to never follow anyone steps
    but make my own steps to be remembered , my father was a great man but his
    shoes i can't ware them , once her set me in the right path it was up to me to
    walk in my best as a man and make the tracks of my own so i knew then i had
    to lead to do this .......I'm a LEADER !
     
  3. ZeroGravity

    ZeroGravity Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2002
    Messages:
    229
    Likes Received:
    10
    Occupation:
    System Administrator
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Ratings:
    +11
    Greetings Queen...interesting questions you pose.

    I would not invite anyone to my house that has expressed that kind of behavior. However, if for some reason someone disrespects a family member or another guest in my home, they will be asked to leave.

    I've been in situations at work where men would curse or disrespect a female co-worker and I have politely reminded them that a lady was in their presence and to show respect. I've also been in situations at work where I felt the atmosphere was not appropriate to females and the females themselves were active participants and I said nothing. If I sense the female is uncomfortable, I would say something otherwise I find something else to do. I don't engage in office politics or idle chit-chat so seldom am I around such behavior.

    I respect other's opinions and realize some might think differently from me, therefore being in a discussion or conversation with someone that feel women should be put out of their misery, I would first have to assess their intent. If the comment is not personally against a particular person, then I would feel it's in general and would ask why they felt that way, give my opinion on the matter and move on.

    Certainly the age of my daughter would be a factor in deteriming my level of involvement to her relationship. That's why I put all my efforts in raising her to make good choices in life when she was young. Hopefully she will choose a caring mate when she's on her own.

    Do I consider myself a leader or follower? I lead when I have to (how about that? ;) )
     
  4. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    These questions involve protecting my home, which I will always do. I wouldn't even invite someone in my home..around my family, who I didn't think respected them. As far as my daughter's dating choices are concerned. I would expect my daughter to learn about how men are suppose to treat women by watching me, which is how children are supposed to learn. I learned how men should treat women by observing how my father treated my mother (he never hit her, didn't hang out all night, paid his bills, etc). I also learned how women should treat men by watching how my mother treated my father. This was my example, not people in the street, so I had no confusion. When your example is people in the street...you will be led in the wrong direction 100% of the time.


    These questions are a different matter entirely. Would I say something to this man, yes I would (and I have)...but the question is, would it matter? People feel the way they feel, and any change is going to come from within...not as a result of what someone else tells them. :nono: I have seen "brothers" like this every day, and I use to apologize for them constantly. However, I stopped apologizing for these types of "brothers" a long time ago. Why should I apologize? I am not doing the wrongs, these brothers are committing: I don't use drugs, haven't been to jail, I don't beat on women, I don't have any out of wedlock kids, I have never cheated on a women, etc. I am living my life the way I am suppose to, so why should I feel responsible for people who aren't?

    My concentration in this situation would be more on the sistas these comments are directed towards. And I would tell them: "Now you see this man, and you see what he is about. This is the type of guy you need to look out for. This is the guy who will get you pregnant and leave you. This is the guy that will "knock up" your sister, best friend, and cousin." This is what I would say, and it would be all I would do from there. If the devil shows his horns, and a woman decides to still go with him...then that is on her. There used to be on old expression in my community. "The guy mother used to warn me about." Apparently Mom has stopped warning, due to people's inability to see what is and isn't good for them. Well I'm sorry, I am only 1 little girl's parent.
     
  5. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2001
    Messages:
    69,983
    Likes Received:
    3,978
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    BUSINESS owner
    Location:
    Da~WINDY*CITY //CHICAGO
    Ratings:
    +4,178
    let me add if a woman do run into one of these type
    know your worth and that you are better and don't
    need a man nor friend like this .......send him to me
    so if he feel like boxing i'll go toe to toe with him !
    I DON'T LIKE A MAN THAT HITS AND TRY TO CONTROL A WOMAN or HER LIFE
    he is what i call a wannabe man made of trash and pose no heart the kind
    of people i stay away from . :nono:
     
  6. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2002
    Messages:
    10,227
    Likes Received:
    191
    Location:
    The Diaspora
    Ratings:
    +194
    Pretty good answer...I pretty much do the same thing.
     
  7. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2004
    Messages:
    3,756
    Likes Received:
    34
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings:
    +34
    I usually know the person before I invite them over. If that did happen though, somoene disrespects a woman in my family, they will quickly be put in their place and directed to leave immediately. If they refuse they will be removed by force. I'm pretty open to one's opinion....but not that open to where my family will be disrespected.

    If a coworker insulted women in front of a woman, I would take up for her....if it wasn't true about her. I mean, if he makes statements about golddiggers or tramps, and she is one...then that's her bad. If she seemed like a respectable woman and she was offended then I would speak up and check him.

    The community matter. I would speak up to this man, but you can't police everyone's words. I would make sure he knew not to speak that way around my family or friends and make it clear that it will not be tolerated. If he wants to continue speaking his ignorance then that's on him. As long as women that I know aren't being offended by it to their face, what can you do?

    If my daugther was dating someone that was controlling she would just have to hate me for a little while, because I couldn't take that. I would try to convince her to break it off. I would sit her down and tell her about the problems I had with their relationship.......particularly him. I'm not going to allow my daughter to (openly) date too early anyways, so this would have to occur around maybe 16 or so. Any younger than that I better not know about it. If he was controlling then I would have to make sure that he knew I am "seriously" not going to tolerate that....period. No way, no how. If he tried to act "gangsta" then there are ways to show him that he's not. No really, my daughter is going to know that she deserves more than that so she won't have to be in that position where she likes someone that treats her like crap. If it happens I'll just have to make him feel so uncomfortable around us that he'll be begging to leave. I hope she will have the confidence and intelligence to where I don't have to get involved because I would hate to go to jail over some B/S. :peace:

    I consider myself to be a leader type...because I don't listen to anyone else and I do my own thing. I will lead myself and my kids. I don't want to lead anyone else. That's not my job or concern, but I probably could if I needed or wanted to.
     
  8. MANASIAC

    MANASIAC Well-Known Member MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2004
    Messages:
    1,904
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Technical Analyst
    Location:
    ATL SHAWTY! Mr. Coli Park
    Ratings:
    +38
    I do not fight over women, except my two goddesses. I will defend Debra and Shannon to the utmost. As far as other females if I had a daughter and or wife, I would only defend them if the situation warranted, IE if they start their own Shyte, they need to complete it themselves do not run to me, the worst thing I can do is die over a woman, that is not in my nature.

    However, if someone blatantly disrespects my GF (If I ever have one of those), mama dem, etc, I would handle it in an assertive manner, and use force only when necessary.

    As far as the dude who says Black women should die, you could be talking about me, so I would probably give dude a high five or something. Alternatively, I would recommended to him what I have been saying a while in many posts but it seems to be ignored and that is, work on yourself first and the right sista will come.

    As far as the rug rat and her boyfriend, I will try to warn her and be there for her when things go wrong. More than likely she will probably follow her own heart and he will hurt her, so I will make it my effort to be their when she hurts. In my younger years I have done something similar to a few dudes daughters and usually the fathers always said I told ya so, and are never their for support, instead of hating, just say be loving, it prevents the situation from happening again.

    I am a loyal follower, which makes me a good leader.
     
  9. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,376
    Likes Received:
    1,431
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings:
    +1,863
    Brother Manasiac, since you've joined us, you have often been an inspiration to me when I start new discussion threads. This is one example. There have been times that you've written things about women that disturbed me a bit. Other times you write you make perfect sense to me. So I often find myself struggling and this may be a round-about way to get to understand you better. I found some enlightening information in the response you shared here and it shows that you have a compassionate side, a humorous side and a very level-headed side to you as well.

    Thank you,
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  10. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

    Country:
    United States
    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,647
    Likes Received:
    363
    Occupation:
    Leader-Student-Teacher
    Location:
    Everywhere
    Ratings:
    +367
    You are right on the money with that Brotha!
     
Loading...