Black Relationships : How do you know when you're in love?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by krazelyricks, Jan 16, 2004.

  1. krazelyricks

    krazelyricks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    This is a topic that has alwayz puzzled me........I have always read about love in novelettes and other stuff but have yet to experience it myself.......and I want to find out from the people out there who has ever been in love.......is this a feeling that can disappear??......Would it be safe to call love that disappears "lust"??.....Does Love last forever???.......If you have been in love before.......how did you know??........help a sister out!!!!
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    i've been in love and out of love i will add my imput very soon
    nice topic
     
  3. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Brother Rich, see, it's that "in and out" of love paradigm that has me perplexed. Why isn't it like the Mafia...once you're in, you're in and you can't get out? I mean, if love is genuine, how is it that you don't feel it anymore? And if you once thought you were "in love" and found out later that you weren't, what was it that you felt in the first place? :confused:

    This might seem like an awkward response to your question Sister Foxi, but I'm wondering if it's easier to describe when a person knows that they are not feeling "in love," than for them to describe when they think they are. Not many have responded to your question and I wonder if that's the case. If they can give examples to define not being "in love", then would the opposite of those examples hold true as proof for when they think they might be?

    But curiously, does knowing you're "in love" stem from physical reactions only, i.e., sleepless nights, blushing when you think of the person, :blush: heart racing, glossy-eyed stares :luv: , loss of appetite, :puke: nervousness, wanting to spend all your time with that person, :love: excitement when you hear their voice :jumping: , increased "heat" in your loins :bazooka: , etc.? Where do we learn about being "in love"? From movies? Reading Harlequin Romance novels :book: ? Do we learn it from the music we listen to or our parents? :teach: ?

    I wonder. . .
     
  4. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think it's when you always want to be around someone. When you know they make you a better person. When they are a positive thing in your life and you can't ever wait to see them. When every love song makes you think of that person. When you stare at their picture in your wallet all the time. When you kiss them while they sleep (that kiss that they'll never know about). That's love. I think those are some of the symptoms.
     
  5. kenyatta

    kenyatta Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Personally speaking, and from some serious experience...the stuff you're reading will never be your experience or feelings. First of all, I FELL IN LOVE three times in my life. That was the mistake. I should have GROWN IN LOVE AND NOT FELL IN LOVE. People say, Oh I love him/her more than I love myself. That's a lie. You can never love anyone more than you love yourself. In fact, whatever energy you send out, that's the energy that comes back. There are those who may recognize that energy and seek to play on it, so always be on guard...trust is never given, it's earned. It's hard to balance your head with your heart, and sex makes it even worse. I remember one time, I told this woman: "you don't love me, how you gonna say you love me when you don't love yourself"? You see, what I said at that time was true. All I did was looked at WHAT SHE WAS DOING FOR HERSELF, for no one can do for you, give to you, or even share with you, what they are not first doing, giving or sharing with themselves.
    EMOTION WILL PLAY YOU YOUNG LADY, AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT. I know so many women who loved when they were 16, 17, 19, 20, 23,...and usually they were with some imature jokers who played them, left them with children, and as such, placed a burden on their lives that they were really too young for...al in the name of LOVE. Then what happens? The girl done been played, emotionally and mentally abused.....and then somewhere around 27, 28-30 years old, they run into a real man or decent man, then behind past experiences, they treat the decent man like they should have been treating them earlier jokers. Let me go for now, cause this could really be long...hope I was helpful.
     
  6. Sun Ship

    Sun Ship Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Love and the truth

    Sister Queenie, I was looking at your response and the descriptive smilies, man If I felt all of that at once …I don’t know if I would be in-love, sick or close to death :lol:.



    But seriously, :)


    First of all, Sister Foxi
    , don’t try to get any information about “love” from “novelettes”, though the reading may be entertaining, they’re usually geared toward female titillation, fantasy and commercial profit. They have nothing to do with a real life, “real-time”, two-sided relationship.

    We have discussed this “love question” in other threads and there’s sometimes a problem with using this word (love) to describe the “entire picture” of a male/female relationship, but I will use it here, to try to keep my response in the same context as your questions.

    A problem with this culture is, that the term lust and what it morally implies is not going to help someone your age (or any age) deal with love or sexuality. Most of the feelings that sister NNQueen describe are in part, a natural sexual response and natural infatuations that may occur between the sexes. These feelings are just as much biological as emotional. Don’t always make them more than what they are.

    Basically, some may feel, “I have these strong and unusual feelings, so It must be love”. Not always true.

    Now I know when you place some of the things said in this post alongside a “love novel” or how some people may want love to be, it may seem that these answers won’t fulfill you needs, but emotions, love and sex (so-called lust) are not always one and especially if you’re talking about a long-term relationship, and especially at your age.

    Since what is believed to be love (at least strong feelings) can swoop upon a young adult (or once again almost anybody) rather quickly and because the culture, we all are in, is very sexually-wired right now, Let me say something almost idiotic and real square,

    “Sex was originally for making babies and has never disowned its original intent. So remember pregnancy is not an accident." And this is something the novelettes usually leave out when they melt the emotions of love, passion and sometimes sex, all together. And I’m not only saying this because you’re 16; for there’s a lot of people twice your age who need to hear that one.

    Remember if you can fall into something, you can fall out of it.

    You have to learn how to love yourself and life, and then try your best, to make wonderful choices for your life. And that includes those young brothers you may invite into your world.

    I hope I helped a little bit , with what may seem to be a difficult question. But, if any of us, have come up short, you have the right to keep pressing your questions, until you get the information you need. That's why we are here.

    Peace :)

    Brother Sun Ship
     
  7. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Our Book of Truths --written by us for us

    :lol: @ Brother Sun Ship! Seriously too, every time I read your comments, I learn something of value and it struck me when I read this tonight that we need to create a section here in our community called "Our Book of Truths". You and some other members have dropped some valuable knowledge in your responses to many of our threads and we need to capture those remarks and archive them in Our Book of Truths for all to easily see and benefit from. The young and not so young can benefit from this type of wisdom.

    This is one of those comments of yours Brother Sun Ship, including kenyatta's response that should merit it's own page in a chapter in our book on love. It's messages like these that just ring of universal truths, in my opinion. They help to clear the mind and unclog the heart. Our truths will be those things we are in agreement on, regardless of religion, political persuasion, gender or economic status . . . things that apply to us all that are culturally rich and uplifting, mentally enlightening and make common sense among us. Our Book of Truths can become our textbook that is filled with information we can learn to practice and live by and could include daily affirmations to keep us grounded in our truths.

    Anyway, sorry for rambling and getting off the topic of this thread, but I felt it was important to share these thoughts because as I read kenyatta and you, Brother Sun Ship, I was inspired by these thoughts.

    Peace and thank you!
    Queenie :spinstar:
     
  8. Aqil

    Aqil Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In the words of Jesus"...if thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light." (Matthew 6:22)

    First of all, I think we need to try to come to some agreement and/or consensus on the meaning of the word "love"...Brother Sun Ship has provided us with an excellent, in-depth analysis of its dictionary meaning. The results of my study and research on the definition of the word "love" has led me to the following conclusions:

    Love is self-preservation. This is the true meaning of the word, and this statement cannot be disputed. Before you can love anybody else you must first love yourself, and loving yourself means that you have knowledge of the fact that your body is the temple of God’s spirit – its dwelling place – therefore you must keep it clean. This means that nothing should ever enter the temple (your body) that would pollute, contaminate, or harm it (e.g., alcohol, tobacco, chemicals, hard drugs, swine meat and other dead animal flesh)...

    The spirit of God, confined in a diseased, deficient, unhealthy brain – poisoned with the waste products of gluttony, wrong eating and wrong living – is utterly unable to produce harmonious thought, which is necessary in order for true love to manifest. The lower brain (cerebellum), in an equally imperfect condition, cannot give birth to a vibration or current of energy that is as constructive as is necessary. For the most part the energy is used in a negative, destructive way. Thoughts are imperfect and spasmodic, and the acts that follow are equally so...

    And we must understand that one does not love with the heart, one loves with the mind. The sole purpose of the heart is to pump blood...

    To see with the heart is to believe; to see with the mind is to know...
     
  9. Koolaid_smile

    Koolaid_smile Active Member MEMBER

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    A wise man told me that in order to receive love from a significant other, I have to love myself. If I find a significant other that loves me the way I love myself, then that is true love right there.
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Love is letting go. Letting go of the fear of falling. Knowing that if you do, someone whom you can trust with all your heart will be there to catch you. Love is not a one way street. Love doesn't blossom like that. Love is mutual and love is fulfilling. Love can take you new heights you could never imagine before. Love does not hurt you. It is only the loss of love that has the power to do that.

    Love is believing in someone, no matter what they may do. Love is letting them make their own mistakes, and simply being there for them when they need you.

    Love is a feeling you get when you are around them, or not around them. Love knows no separation. Love has no conditions or boundaries placed upon it. Love would travel a thousand miles to take a single step. Love is limitless in it's possibilities.

    Love is love, nothing less and a great deal more.
     
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