Black Relationships : How can I help?

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by SouthernJaguar, Jul 26, 2003.

  1. SouthernJaguar

    SouthernJaguar New Member MEMBER

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    I am new to this message board. I've read alot of the posts and replys on the message board, and I feel very comfortable coming to you guys for some advice. I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship. well, she doesn't know it because she is in love with the guy. First, the guy lost his job. So, my she got a job to pay his bills for him. I guess you guys are asking, what is wrong with that? He told her that she couldn't come to his house anymore. Secondly, he doesn't want to use condoms anymore when they have sex because he is very comfortable in the relationship. She did tell him that she would like to use condoms because she don't want to get preganant, and if she was to get preganant that she would have an abortion. his reply was, "if you have an abortion, i am going to tell everyone at school(a university) you had an abortion, and i am going to break up with you." I have tried to tell her that she don't need a boyfriend like that now because her parents have sent her to school to obtain a degree, but she is so in love with this guy that she don't see how to relationship can hurt her. Can anyone tell me what can i do or say to help my friend?
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome !!!

    first let me welcome you to destee.com discussions
    and to a family of bond and respect wit love

    now allow me to say that she has this inner emotional feelings
    for him and seem to not want to hurt him in any way yet she is
    hurting her self with the actions he taking .
    she seem to have a somewhat low esteem of her self and feel
    she can't fine another guy better or to love
    first ask her what is it that makes him so great , ask her how do
    she really feel about him and the facts he don't want her to come over to his house all at once , then ask why are she allowing him to control her inner thoughts and feelings when it comes to sex
    seem like he's on a game of love not truely loving her and respecting her wishies at hand , see how she feel about these question and watch her emotions and expression
    let her know there is more to life then a guy her schooling is very valuable to her career goals so why have sex unprotected !
    just to make a guy happy and not her self
    it's o'kay to help him if he no longer working to get better grades but to just stop working then he useing her kindness as a weakness , she seem to be a really great person and full of new love in her heart ......then ask her to come visit us here
    we have a sistah chat for young women and young teens every
    tuesday night here at www.************/chat with Destee & NNQueen some strong women that strive to help young ladies find them self and better living our sistah chat is very helpful
    for her to guide her in the path of fulfilling her dreams and goals

    but be kind and gentle to her emotional feeling and stick beside her she just in a moment of deep feeling for him and can't see
    when she is inside but surely you can see the problem at hand
    becareful what you say to her and show her signs that she only feel this passional blissful thing that's not true love allow her to
    mentally think about this , if he truely love'd her and care why would he try to hurt by speaking on facts if preganant by him and a abortion comes to play he would try to down her respectfully
    the best way to save this action is to continue her strong feeling of not having sex without him in a condom he may be ready for this but she not as of yet so don't be forced to do it by any means or fashion her health and degree and career goals is much more valuable then a sting of sexuality to please a mate
    she need to allow him to stand on his own two feet and be a man stop paying his bills for him but help him if true love is really their.......if she really a true friend continue to support her thoughts and wishies be gentle and slowly remind her he's not
    the guy for her , he seem to be playing with her feelings and this
    could be very hurtin'
    if she can't just come by his house anymore then surely he is seeing someone else or trying to space him self from her and why? she should ask she need to face reality and ask him questions that might give her the reality check of him
    tell her to ask him why she can't stop by anymore
    ask him do he plan to get another job soon
    ask him why he can't respect her wishies for use of condoms
    why would he try to down her if she do get preganant
    and why is he coming between her goals and career
    tell her to ask him do he truely love her and in what way
    these are question she must seek in him and to inlighten
    her own mind this will sho her if he means well or out for play

    thank u for sharing this with us and surely you will hear more form the family on this matter and good luck trying to get her
    to see reality and not this love bug myth keep in mind to see
    if she like to visit us our sistah of loyality and impowerment
    for better living in sistah chat every tuesday night at 8PM ET
    here is the link again www.************/chat tell her she can
    as she see fit open up to these sistah who will embrace her feelings and emotions we have some great sistah's here with much knowledge to share and a few round the age she is that knows what she may be feeling to a point....please let us know
    how things going with her and her mate .......WE CARE !
    ;)
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    more help is need to asure what we can do or offer to this
    caring friend that care so share ya thoughts
     
  4. triniti424

    triniti424 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    [email protected]..i aint sure yet but ummm...I'm a be in prayer ova this one :(
     
  5. LibertyLady

    LibertyLady Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yes i will come back at this one.......one thing i agree with trinity
    is that you should be in prayer about it because tha guys is possest by a selfish DOWRF...(i wont call his stoopid name of this evil force)
    just be honest with her....but most of all ask her if ...whats kind of relationships she likes to have with this guy....and that she has to listen to her own emotions........and feelings If she wants to have safe sex......because he says he feels comvertable????
    well let tell her that she has to feel comvertable to !!!!!!!!!!!
    and right now she doesnt.....and she is not ready to have a child
    and please keep telling her if it doesnt works out with this man....
    that god has someone else for her...................and that she has to BELIEVE that..and if she doesnt believe it......tell her to look at the univers and stars....and tell her That god he made all these things .....you dont think he is cabeple of make that happen to you.............................
    but most inportant that she has to love herself.............
    and give her a BIg huge (and you yourself to) of sister liberty....
     
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