Black Relationships : Houston, I Have A Problem...

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by serenti-poet, May 4, 2003.

  1. serenti-poet

    serenti-poet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Okay Serenti is one of those people ya'll hear about that will walk around in her undies all day if her roommate would let her. Soooooo lucky for me he wasn't here last night which means Serenti busted out the boxers and bra. So newayz I'm sitting down trying to figure out this hard *** Algebra question at like 9:10 p.m. while I eat a taco from Taco Bell (I luv them so much!!!) So after I finish eating I say da hell with algebra and start playing Grand Theft Auto Vice City on my roomies PS2 so I'm just using the sniper gun shooting everythang in sight when somebody knocks on the door. SO I get reaaaaaaaalllll scared thinking it's my roommate, and he gets pissed if I touch the PS2 without his permission. So I turn if off and cover it up like he keeps it, and run into the living room. That when it hits me. Duh! He has a key. So newayz I go to the door and I put on the I'll-beat-yo-***-if-you- mess-with-me voice and I'm like who is it? And it's CAMERON.

    I know ya'll like who the hell is CAMERON LOL wellllllllllll he is a married man who lied and told me who wasn't married and let me be with him 4 years b4 he told me. So newayz I'm like how you know where I stay being I moved unannounced and my moms and bro the only one who know where I rest my head. And he's all like I followed you from work, and I'm like ARE YOU CRAZY, you know what that is? It's like STALKING!! SO newayz I step outside the door finally becuz I am not letting him in my crib, and he wasn't going to leave until I talked to him.

    Sooooooooo I step outside and I know I'm wrong but he is stilllllllll sooooooooo FINE!!!
    And he’s stillllllll very married so I drop that thought in a second.
    So he's staring at me like I'm like his WIFE and I'm sitting here looking at him again like ARE YOU CRAZY!! Then it hits me boxers and bra, boxers and bra. SO I run in the house and put my capris and jacket on and step back outside. And he's all like why you change it's not like I haven't seen you naked b4. And that pissed me off so bad that I slapped him. I'm like okay he deserved it but why did I do it, oh yeah HE DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED!! SO newayz he has this stupid grin on his face, and then I remember he likes me to hit him being I have soft hands, long story short, it don't hurt when I hit. So I'm like okaaaaaaayyyyy, what do you want?!? He's like I want you....

    I'm like f**K you Cameron, your married, and he's like not any more see. And he shows me his ring finger. Okay I'm like I don't believe you. So then he shows me the divorce papers and I'm like oh s**t. So he says can I come in now and I'm still like hell NO!! And so he’s like then here’s my new number call me tomorrow at any time and I’ll be waiting. Don’t mess with me Serenti you better call. And he LEAVES.

    So I’m like replaying the conversation in my mind trying to decide whether or not to call him tomorrow or not. AND I DON’T KNOW!! Sooooooo this brings me to my point should I call him or not ya’ll, reply plzzzzzzzz.

    Peace and blessins ya’ll and thanks in advance.
     
  2. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    serenti . . . your life seems to be filled with "excitement."

    I'm sure you might get some people who will either tell you directly what they think you should do in this situation but I'm not going to be that direct.

    From what you wrote, you don't sound too convincing that you're not interested in this guy anymore in spite of the fact that he lied to you and about something serious. So I'm thinking that you already know what you want to do and you might get advice that will give you an excuse to go ahead and do just that. So my questions to you are........

    1. Is this an issue of moral integrity for you or are your hormones speaking louder than your brain?
    2. What do YOU WANT TO DO?
    3. Which is bigger or more important to YOU--the lie or the marriage certificate?
    4. Is this about how FINE he is or did you love this man? You never mentioned that in your story.
     
  3. serenti-poet

    serenti-poet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah excitement is good but never in my situation. :)

    answers....

    1.) My hormones are a very big part of my everyday life and more than once they have spoke louder than my brain, but my moral integrity will always be my issue.

    2.) What I want truthfully is to not have him reappear in my life becuase everything was going good without him. (I patched up my problem with my friend) What I want to do is find my closure, why he lied to me, or why he didn't tell me the truth right away. No Queen, I am young but I am not dense, not saying you called me that or nothing not hostility in my words :), I do not want a relationship with this man or have any sexual contact with him.

    3.)The lie will always be bigger to me because no matter what marriage certificate he gets will replace the pain that I gave to his wife, that's a pain that I experienced when my husband cheated on me, and to me a woman who cheats with a man who she knows is married is lower than low in my eyes, that's why I perceded to leave him immediately when I found out. No matter what certificate he has, paper does not take away pain nor memories.

    4.) I fear this question, yes I loved him but love can easily change to like, to dislike, to hate. No I don't hate him, I hate how he reduced me to a fragile creature at that part of my life, but it's not worth hating him, but it's not that I love him either. I dislike him, no matter how FINE he is.

    Soooooooooooo, I do believe that you are right in more ways then one, I am trying to get a answer from someone to give me the okay and yes I still want ya'll advice, but I think I've made my decision but ya'll tell me ya'll thoughts on the subject first and I will tell ya'll what my conclusion is, and Queen you've really helped me alot on this one. :)

    peace and blessins to all :)
     
  4. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    serenti,

    I won't say anything more at this point other than I liked your reply. I will wait for others to respond to you and I look forward to seeing your decision.

    Your supportive sister,
    Queen
     
  5. serenti-poet

    serenti-poet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    thanks sista for your support and response, i haven't called him and I have the powerful burning sensation to call and cuss him out, but I am holding the violent and hostile words until I'm absolutely sure I want to. :) keep you updated i promise.

    Your thankful sista,
    Serenti :)
     
  6. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    :wave: Haaaaaaaaay Serenti-Poet :wave:

    I'm with Queenie, you got my life look'n kinda bore'n Sister! :)

    In your first post you ask us if you should call him or not.

    In your second post you say, you don't want him to reappear in your life, that the lie and pain it caused is great, and that you dislike this person.

    In your third post you say, you've still not called him, but you have this burning sensation to do so.

    If what you said in your second post is true, you won't call him. If it isn't true, you will.

    I think what's most important here, is not whether you call him or not, but that you learn to be honest with yourself. If you dislike him so much, why is there this "burning sensation" to speak with him again? You say because you want answers to questions from a man that lied to you for 4 years, about something so important as his marital status? I doubt that the "burning sensation" has a lot to do with unanswered questions. He's proven that he's a liar, so whatever the answers are, they'll have to be taken with a grain of salt. Nawww Sister, i think that "burning sensation" is sump'n else. :)

    Yes, more important than whether you call him or not, is that you be true and honest with yourself. This is your life and you're entitled to live it however you want. So if you want him back, even for a short period, there's nothing wrong with that. If you truly are trying to get away from him, then you should do that.

    Be honest with yourself. Your life deserves some sense of certainty from the mind that rules it.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    The fact is you are cheating self
    time to move on and live in good standard
    he's married let him be
    surely once he leave u back to his wife he go
    DON"T call
    Don't fool self
    be real with ya feelings
     
  8. Poetic Justice

    Poetic Justice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If it started out with lies, you better believe its more to follow, but you have to learn that lesson for yourself.
    Trust yourself, not your heart, the heart is treacherous who could know it.
    Make this decision with courage to deal with the outcome.
    And if he loved you so much why did it take him 4 years to throw away his vows, will he do the same to you if you marry him and another woman comes along.
    just food for thought i know the power of emotion, i feel for you.
     
  9. serenti-poet

    serenti-poet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Thanks all of ya'll and i hear all of ya'll out. I'm sure about what I'm gonna do, I don't need this is my life right now and I don't need him. Thanks Destee you opened my eyes alot on this one, life goes on and so will I. peace and blessins :)
     
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