Black People : Homegoing of My Dad

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by legit-writer, May 14, 2015.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's been a while since I've been on here. So here's an update for the inquiring minds that want to know:


    As some of you know, my mother passed away last December. I lost my dad last month (08 April 2015). The dementia he had shut his body down and that was it. I couldn't say goodbye to him. His body was shipped to California per his family back in California's request. So I had no say in what happened. I had no way of getting back there to say goodbye to them and no way they helped me to even get that closure. It's okay though. Well no, really, it isn't okay. There's nothing I can do about it. Just know that it has changed me in some ways. It goes to show that I can't trust people very much. I am still grieving (not through tears, because that portion of it is over) in my own way. It will take a while for me to get through and over this. What brings me some sort of peace is that he is in a better place and he is no longer in pain and suffering. It truly broke my heart every time I went to the nursing home to see him and he was looking like he was in a lot of misery not being able to move (paralyzed from a massive stroke), so that's where all of my tears of gone, with him dying. I will do my best to carry the values that he has taught me just like I'm doing with what my mother taught me. I've hurt as much as I am going to hurt and I realize that. I have lost the very people who truly meant something to me. My heart isn't stone, but it is no longer soft either. At this point in time, nothing else can hurt me. Boyfriends can come and go, and that won't hurt me. I can get married down the road and he decides one day he doesn't want me anymore, and it still will not amount to the pain that I am feeling right now and the unmentioned trauma I have experienced throughout my childhood. I can't hurt anymore. The worst has already happened, as far as I concerned. That part of me is gone and I see it slowly but surely happening, and I can't stop it. It is what it is. I just get up every day, go to work (which is the best thing going for me right now) aside from me being alive and well) and deal with my day from there and be grateful for another day that I am still here carrying out my purpose. This is not some rant. Just keeping it real, like I always do. Thanks to whoever took the time to read.
     
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  2. MS234

    MS234 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Life is lived in stages

    Time moves on

    We must stay true to ourselves.

    You owe no one an explanation your life.

    You did what you could.

    Like you said it is what it is.

    You have a life to live

    live your time well

    It's good to let it out like you are

    My condolescences

    peace.
     
  3. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Sorry for your loss

    May he R.I.P.





    .
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    i wish peace for you......
     
  5. Enki

    Enki The Evolved Amphibian STAFF

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    I'm sorry to hear this, and sorry that you're hurting.

    Thank you for trusting us enough that you could share this difficult point in your life.

    I hope we as a family here can give you some comfort..:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

    Peace!
     
  6. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    yeah; no closure. they're gone; never any closure. pretend the pain isn't, but . . . but, yeah; got the values so i can smile once in a while ... except when i'm reminded that don't seem very many share 'em. never mind "friends", family says "get over it". wouldn't hear me as mom was going; dad and aunt all over my case. 04, gone. new wife and his "friends" all over the stuff after she rewrote his will. 07, gone. still hurt still lost. almost sorry to have beat the cancer a couple years back.

    sorry to learn that someone else lives here.

    power and love to you. :hug:
    peace

     
  7. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    you have my deepest condolence , very sorry to hear of your lost sister.
    may he R.I.H
     
  8. skuderjaymes

    skuderjaymes Contextualizer Synthesizer MEMBER

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    wow.. that's really hard..

    Hardening hearts are an inevitable part of this life.. locking things out..
    locking things in.. as we grow in the direction supported by our experiences.

    We buried 6 family members in the last year or so..
    back to back to back.. it seemed.. it never gets any easier..
    And all of us have been changed by it.. we were supposed to..

    One of my favorite lyrics is from the song, "for all we know".. it says,
    "We come and we go like the ripples on a stream.." I love that because
    this life really just that fragile.. that fleeting..

    all we can really do is be thankful for the good times.. celebrate life..
    give love.. accept love.. put them all on repeat until this life is through..