It's been a while since I've been on here. So here's an update for the inquiring minds that want to know: As some of you know, my mother passed away last December. I lost my dad last month (08 April 2015). The dementia he had shut his body down and that was it. I couldn't say goodbye to him. His body was shipped to California per his family back in California's request. So I had no say in what happened. I had no way of getting back there to say goodbye to them and no way they helped me to even get that closure. It's okay though. Well no, really, it isn't okay. There's nothing I can do about it. Just know that it has changed me in some ways. It goes to show that I can't trust people very much. I am still grieving (not through tears, because that portion of it is over) in my own way. It will take a while for me to get through and over this. What brings me some sort of peace is that he is in a better place and he is no longer in pain and suffering. It truly broke my heart every time I went to the nursing home to see him and he was looking like he was in a lot of misery not being able to move (paralyzed from a massive stroke), so that's where all of my tears of gone, with him dying. I will do my best to carry the values that he has taught me just like I'm doing with what my mother taught me. I've hurt as much as I am going to hurt and I realize that. I have lost the very people who truly meant something to me. My heart isn't stone, but it is no longer soft either. At this point in time, nothing else can hurt me. Boyfriends can come and go, and that won't hurt me. I can get married down the road and he decides one day he doesn't want me anymore, and it still will not amount to the pain that I am feeling right now and the unmentioned trauma I have experienced throughout my childhood. I can't hurt anymore. The worst has already happened, as far as I concerned. That part of me is gone and I see it slowly but surely happening, and I can't stop it. It is what it is. I just get up every day, go to work (which is the best thing going for me right now) aside from me being alive and well) and deal with my day from there and be grateful for another day that I am still here carrying out my purpose. This is not some rant. Just keeping it real, like I always do. Thanks to whoever took the time to read.