Black Relationships : His Daughter

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by MsInterpret, Jun 12, 2010.

  1. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    So I been with this gentleman for quite some time...We both have daughters of the same age, but we both have not been formally introduce to each others' child. For one, I just don't let anyone into my daughter's life. But soon will, just not right now. And I feel that that is the reason why I have not met his.
    And to be perfectly honest I am not ready to meet her yet.

    Anyways, I've seen pictures of his child, and he's seen pictures of mine too. Today he was telling me he wanted to email me some pictures of him and then he said he wanted to send some pictures of his daughter too. And I was like, no I'd rather not get pictures of her, but you can send pictures of yourself. He seemed disappointed by my refusal, but I don't feel comfortable getting pictures of a child I have not met nor had a chance to bond with.

    He was like I just want you to see who I talk about all the time about. And so I told him how I felt.

    Should I have accepted the pictures of his daughter?

    Also, he is a great father (and I love it) and speaks of his child A LOT, but for some reason I'm not all that interested in hearing about his kid on a day to day basis. Am I rude for that?

    It's like, all of a sudden out of pretty much no where he'll say "My daughter is so spoiled" or "My daughter is so great." And we won't be talking about his daughter or mine and it's not like she is around when he says it, so I'm like "okay"....

    I'm not going to tell him to stop talking about his child, because I wouldn't want anyone to tell me to stop talking about my child. I feel like he wants me instantly bond with a child I haven't even met yet. Not that I would have a problem meeting her (just not now), plus she sounds like a great kid and all. I'm just real indifferent about the whole situation.
     
  2. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    I can see your point as well his , if you two are dating and plan to be around
    each other the children have to come in there somewhere, but it's always best
    to go in with your eyez wide open .
     
  3. Proverbs31Woman

    Proverbs31Woman Be kinder than necessary! MEMBER

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    I understand your position and his and have been there. It's a sensitive place to be in when you develop feelings and start to bond with someone, there is a place where you want to share everything that's dear to you, including children. It's hard to hold the most precious thing to you from someone you are growing more and more fond of, so I can understand the under tone. On the flip side, you are guarded with good reason and especially as a parent, a wise move on your part. Plus, you don't want to bond with a child and things go awry, and now you have to walk away from him and her and vice versa, very hard. However, I don't see the harm in seeing pictures of his princess, as many people share pictures as friends, when they just meet, gatherings and so forth, but you have your reasons and should be comfortable with however you choose, but since you have to ask, that may be your answer...
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    simple

    you not that into the cat and you don't want to be bothered but you too punk to be real wit him.......
     
  5. Full Speed

    Full Speed Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If I were in the market for a wife and mother/step mother of my children (I am not and pray I never have to be) the first thing I would want to do after deciding that I like a woman well enough to explore a relationship with her is to determine if she would be able to bond with my child/children. I would not want to invest the time to take a relationship to the next level, get there then find out that she is incompatible with my child. It is a package deal.

    I don't know your age, but I am 44. At my age, I simply would not want to waste time with someone who would be incompatible with my children, so I would want to figure that out immediately after deciding that I like her enough to move forward.

    Different strokes for different folks, but thats my take. Hope it helps.
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Getting to know the child/ren is a good thing i agree with the above fully even let
    my child meet her child to see how they get along there are a lot of good to learn
    meeting and speaking with the child , this will help in the process and future relationship.
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    you are all making the premise that there is to BE a future relationship
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I hope to meet his child in the future, just not now. Just as one day, hopefully maybe if it all is good in the future, maybe he can meet my daughter also.

    He cut it off with the last woman because she found little interest in his daughter, which is 100% understandable. It's not that I don't take interest in his daughter, I just find it hard to have a bond, which I feel he wants me to have right now even though I have not met her.

    But anyways thanks for you advices Proverbs31Woman, $$RICH$, and Full Speed!:toast:
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    Not saying it direct but with the trem if
    why wait til the two adults hit it off and then there's a problem with the child
    get a first hand look before the next step is made it's like building we all start
    with what we need to work with and the foundation to build.


    I don't think one is not ready to be real , just not set to build it pass the thought
    of building a relationship to even get that far to meet his child.
     
  10. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    And sister you have every right to take it slow , see if this what you want
    before taken the next step into child play and meeting , but note if children
    are involve they are the ground foundation to the start as well end of any
    possibilities.:toast:
     
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