Black Relationships : High Maintenance and High Standards

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by legit-writer, Sep 20, 2007.

  1. legit-writer

    legit-writer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    A lot of men complain that women have too high of standards or are too high maintenance... My ex said that my standards were too high for him and all this jazz as to why he broke up with me and says he wants a woman with low standards. So tell me, what is the difference between the two....Thanks
     
  2. PurpleMoons

    PurpleMoons Administrator STAFF

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    Hello legit-writer!:wave:Welcome Back Home!

    Being a women myself, I can't define the differences for men,
    but from my observation I'll say, one is more confident, knows
    what she wants, and demands it. The other is more passive,
    accepting, and less demanding.

    Now this may not be the differences men see. Perhaps the brothers
    here will provide more insight for you.

    Again, Welcome Back!

    :heart:
     
  3. MenNefer

    MenNefer Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hmmm...Theres alot of room for speculation but going off of the catch phrases , buzzwords and jingles of mainstream culture I would say a high maintenance woman presents demands (most of the time non-verbal) that come from her own tenacity and self image (confidence). Alot of time a man don't feel like he got time to breath; feeling the obligation to "Keep up" and wrestling with feelings of inadequacy. All of those complications may exacerbate some insecurity (and ,I presume, nobody likes that feeling).

    When a man openly admits to wanting low standards he usually wants to tuck tail and run either to the white woman or his stereotypical Asian women whom he thinks will placate and enable him. He will run to another black women with low self esteem to go with her low maintenance.

    Just to be fair though.....A high maintenance women may be a crass materialist who has bought into the type A capitalistic drive that the europes have qualified for success. She might be overtly or inadvertantly trying to emasculate him and hammer him into some white male prototype. Struggling with the demands he lays on himself to figure it all out and salvage his identity, he may not need the pressure and want to seek a sister who has not bought into "Neo -Darwinism" (survival of the fittest/ competition) for one alittle more appreciative of his precarious plight. Hetepu
     
  4. Zulile

    Zulile Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Well, high maintenance and high standards do not go hand in hand.

    when I hear of people talk about high maintenance women.. it's used negatively, implying the woman requires too much "care".. whether that be physically (must have the right shoes, right model, right make-up, right hair - image is everything) or emotionally (constantly needing emotional support, cant make desicions etc) that the man feels he is giving too much of his time, energy and money on things that are not of equal importance between them.

    When I hear people tak of high standards, it's usually used positively - in a moral setting (correctness etc), or physical (cleanliness etc)

    Personally, I wouldnt bat an eye if a man left me because my standards were too high. I might think twice if he felt my maintanence was. Oh yeah - he could still go.. hahaha - but I'd likely reflect on the comment.
     
  5. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    High maintenance and high standards are mutually exclusive. High maintenance means you require a lot of effort. The only question is, are you worth it. Hiigh standards means that you think well of yourself. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you measure up.

    That being said, are you worth it? There are plenty of beer women claiming to be champaigne ladies, if you catch my drift? Are your standards realistic? Can you meet them yourself?
     
  6. hiphopolx

    hiphopolx Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I had to emphasize that since you you beat me to the punch.
    If the man (in most cases) or in the interests of equality the bread winner is focused on his appointed task, providing the needs/necessities of the house and or the relationship and the significant other is frequently interrupting that needed focus with additional requests and or tasks. He or she will feel unfairly burdened. The burning question is why don't they find the time and means to fulfill these tasks themselves.

    peace
     
  7. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    as long as you don't ask for no more than you give, itz all good.......
     
  8. Da Street So'ja

    Da Street So'ja Banned MEMBER

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    spending too much time

    and money processing yourself

    when you're already beautiful

    and then you kill your beauty with artificial and cosmetics needs
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    The billion daollar question
     
  10. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hmmmmmm I've been told this.
    How can a woman that takes care of herself be high maintenance for a man?
    If I'm not asking you to groom me,pay my bills,buy me expensive jewelery or expensive clothes and shoes why should it bother you?
    This is what I like for myself.
    I was this way before I met you and I'm not going change because you feel like you can't measure up.
    I've always said that there is something unattractive about a woman who is not needy.
    I believe jill scott confirmed this in a interview she did yesterday concerning her divorce.
    It's not to europeanize myself or to make him feel inadequate.
    If he feels this way it's his own insecurities he needs to deal with.
    That's just like me breaking up with my boyfriend because he has a lexus and I have toyota corolla.
    That's silly!
     
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