- Sep 27, 2016
- 1
- 0
Hi guys!
So first off, thanks for allowing me into your community. Now that I'm in...I'm secretly an evil racist ne'er-do-well muahahahaha!!!!! J/k...or am I...
I'm a black man, 31. Nerd / software engineer. I was raised in a small midwestern town, old-school values, Christian home. All that stuff. Glad to meet all of you!
So to get right to the reason I just joined, something's happened recently that basically threw a wrench in my whole belief system: for reasons I can't figure out, I just stopped buying into my Christian faith. I've gone through a really hard couple years. Nothing that hasn't happened before. But where I would normally just go blindly into my faith, this time I started asking questions. And now I'm trying to sort out exactly what's what.
This isn't a pro-atheism post. I believe God exists. And I do feel some kind of strong sense of connectedness to something. The internal conflict is: What is that something? What is spiritualism? Where does man fit into the whole picture? Who in the world am I? ¿¿¿Who am I??? That last question hits me in the face like a sack of nickels every time I open my eyes in the morning, and here I thought I knew. Why does anyone even ask something like that at 30?
Obviously, having been raised in the Baptist church and having spent the last 30 years in it, I don't know anything but the Bible. But what the heck even is the Bible? What is the Council of Nicea? Did they really just..."vote"...that Jesus was God? Did they really just pick and choose material to leave in / take out? Did Constantine really steal and bastardize whole chunks of other cultures' religions...including African traditions...for the sake of building a giant theocracy he could easily rule by claiming "God Said Do What I Say"? Is Christianity really just the spiritualism of our people, taken, twisted, and then forced back on us in a ridiculous form that has no power yet permanently separates us from our identities and demands we subjugate ourselves before some cruel sky god who requires we constantly apologize to him for the way he chose to make us, even though he never answers when we ask him to help us follow him? (whew...dare you to read that in one breath)
If the spiritual belief system of some African culture is the real deal, which culture did it come from and how do I know it has anything to do with whatever culture my ancestors were from? And what is the nature of God according to it? What happens when we die? What happens when we die with no knowledge of self, if knowledge of self really is important in this belief system? Is there a name for this 'real' African spiritual belief? (the quotes are not meant mockingly) I've never picked up on a name I could use to directly look things up. Is it a community thing or an individual thing? What is the nature of evil according to such a belief system? Does evil exist at all, according to it? Why does research into this often to lead to writings that espouse racial hatred for caucasians?
Are angels actually our ancestors? What's strange is that there's something very comfortable about the notion that my ancestors are my angels. Maybe it's just fascinating because it's a new way of looking at things and there's nothing to it?
You'd think a guy with 30 years invested in Christianity would be afraid or recoil at the thought that Christianity isn't right. And I'm definitely mortified, to the point where there's no way I'm telling my family. But for whatever reason, I'm internally very comfortable being mortified. If Christianity really is the truth, I would be elated. But if it's something else, I would be perfectly fine with that, too. Weird...
The questions started as a trickle, and now there are so many that I can't keep up with the research, and even in trying to keep up with the research, I'm finding myself lost and having a hard time sorting out the good information from the bad. There's just so much stuff. In Christianity, you can study the Bible and maybe a concordance. And then the rest is the Daily Walk. It's all personal. With this, the information is spread out all over the place and I have no idea where to start accumulating knowledge. The people I normally talk to about spiritual issues would pretty much regard me as a heathen if I tried to get their help. I joined your community hoping to meet others who've asked or are currently asking similar questions. Any information or resources would be a YUGE help, and I would appreciate your input big league. Please share any anything credible you've got, with sources cited. If you're like me, and care to tell your story, I would especially love to hear it. I am in the land-locked midwest, but might as well be on an island with this. It would be really nice to hear the experiences of others who've gone through this, whether you ended up re-dedicating your life to Christ or not. This isn't meant to be a Christianity Bash-Fest at all, so I hope it doesn't come off that way. A guy just messed around and fell into an ocean of questions. Trying to swim out. I'm going to read as much of the content in this section as the forum as I can, btw. But I'm the type who needs cited sources.
Another factoid about your new friend: I can be a little bit long-winded, and am usually either too goofy or too serious. Thanks for reading this whole thing and again, nice to meet you all.
-AnswersNeeded
So first off, thanks for allowing me into your community. Now that I'm in...I'm secretly an evil racist ne'er-do-well muahahahaha!!!!! J/k...or am I...
I'm a black man, 31. Nerd / software engineer. I was raised in a small midwestern town, old-school values, Christian home. All that stuff. Glad to meet all of you!
So to get right to the reason I just joined, something's happened recently that basically threw a wrench in my whole belief system: for reasons I can't figure out, I just stopped buying into my Christian faith. I've gone through a really hard couple years. Nothing that hasn't happened before. But where I would normally just go blindly into my faith, this time I started asking questions. And now I'm trying to sort out exactly what's what.
This isn't a pro-atheism post. I believe God exists. And I do feel some kind of strong sense of connectedness to something. The internal conflict is: What is that something? What is spiritualism? Where does man fit into the whole picture? Who in the world am I? ¿¿¿Who am I??? That last question hits me in the face like a sack of nickels every time I open my eyes in the morning, and here I thought I knew. Why does anyone even ask something like that at 30?
Obviously, having been raised in the Baptist church and having spent the last 30 years in it, I don't know anything but the Bible. But what the heck even is the Bible? What is the Council of Nicea? Did they really just..."vote"...that Jesus was God? Did they really just pick and choose material to leave in / take out? Did Constantine really steal and bastardize whole chunks of other cultures' religions...including African traditions...for the sake of building a giant theocracy he could easily rule by claiming "God Said Do What I Say"? Is Christianity really just the spiritualism of our people, taken, twisted, and then forced back on us in a ridiculous form that has no power yet permanently separates us from our identities and demands we subjugate ourselves before some cruel sky god who requires we constantly apologize to him for the way he chose to make us, even though he never answers when we ask him to help us follow him? (whew...dare you to read that in one breath)
If the spiritual belief system of some African culture is the real deal, which culture did it come from and how do I know it has anything to do with whatever culture my ancestors were from? And what is the nature of God according to it? What happens when we die? What happens when we die with no knowledge of self, if knowledge of self really is important in this belief system? Is there a name for this 'real' African spiritual belief? (the quotes are not meant mockingly) I've never picked up on a name I could use to directly look things up. Is it a community thing or an individual thing? What is the nature of evil according to such a belief system? Does evil exist at all, according to it? Why does research into this often to lead to writings that espouse racial hatred for caucasians?
Are angels actually our ancestors? What's strange is that there's something very comfortable about the notion that my ancestors are my angels. Maybe it's just fascinating because it's a new way of looking at things and there's nothing to it?
You'd think a guy with 30 years invested in Christianity would be afraid or recoil at the thought that Christianity isn't right. And I'm definitely mortified, to the point where there's no way I'm telling my family. But for whatever reason, I'm internally very comfortable being mortified. If Christianity really is the truth, I would be elated. But if it's something else, I would be perfectly fine with that, too. Weird...
The questions started as a trickle, and now there are so many that I can't keep up with the research, and even in trying to keep up with the research, I'm finding myself lost and having a hard time sorting out the good information from the bad. There's just so much stuff. In Christianity, you can study the Bible and maybe a concordance. And then the rest is the Daily Walk. It's all personal. With this, the information is spread out all over the place and I have no idea where to start accumulating knowledge. The people I normally talk to about spiritual issues would pretty much regard me as a heathen if I tried to get their help. I joined your community hoping to meet others who've asked or are currently asking similar questions. Any information or resources would be a YUGE help, and I would appreciate your input big league. Please share any anything credible you've got, with sources cited. If you're like me, and care to tell your story, I would especially love to hear it. I am in the land-locked midwest, but might as well be on an island with this. It would be really nice to hear the experiences of others who've gone through this, whether you ended up re-dedicating your life to Christ or not. This isn't meant to be a Christianity Bash-Fest at all, so I hope it doesn't come off that way. A guy just messed around and fell into an ocean of questions. Trying to swim out. I'm going to read as much of the content in this section as the forum as I can, btw. But I'm the type who needs cited sources.
Another factoid about your new friend: I can be a little bit long-winded, and am usually either too goofy or too serious. Thanks for reading this whole thing and again, nice to meet you all.
-AnswersNeeded