Black People : Here i go Family ... venting again

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by Destee, Nov 8, 2004.

  1. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Family,

    I just received an email from a Member, who opened up and shared so much of themselves with me. Some very deep, personal, and revealing information, and i'm honored that they feel comfortable enough to share such things with me.

    One of the things that they shared is that they are unemployed, and have been for a couple of years. Not because they don't want to work, but because finding a job has been difficult. Naturally, if someone has not worked for this amount of time, their money is low. But you know what, this Member is a Premium Member here.

    This Member has chosen to financially help this community survive, while struggling with their own survival. My heart was so moved by this, i had to present it to the Family. This Member's action makes me question all those who are here, and not willing to financially help. How can your situation be any worse than anyone else's here?

    This Member made me realize that probably every Premium Member that we have, is struggling to make their own ends meet, yet they value this community enough to help keep it here.

    How long can i allow these folk to sacrifice so greatly, while the majority give no financial support, yet come here to commune in the wealth of Spirit and love found here?

    How long can i allow this to go on?

    I want to lock the doors right now.

    It would be different it there were no costs, or if like the majority of our years here, i could afford it alone and didn't need any help.

    As i read this Member's email, my heart just broke. Tears coming to my eyes. The level of comfort and care that we've built must be very strong, for this person to be so open with me. Where can we go and receive such warmth and embraces? Where can we go, when we need someone simply to talk to, that may understand and be patient with our pain and fears?

    I really think it's time for everyone to recognize the value in this community and be willing to help fiancially sustain it, or simply leave.

    We talk the talk of unity, support, etc., but there are only a few walking that walk, and i know, it aint no easy walk. But i'm at the point where, even if there are only a few of us in here, at least it will be those that truly care. We simply can't afford to continually spend resources on those that don't care.

    I'm venting Family. I feel like i have an obligation to those Members who are making such great sacrifices for this community, by spending their money to keep it here for us. Not only to them, but to myself as well. How long can i continue to provide something that others see no value in? Or at least, not enough value to help.

    In closing, i believe we have a lot of Members here that are going through great trials and tribulations. Feeling alone and afraid, with no one to turn to. This community is so much more than just a "discussion forum." We provide a refuge for those who call this home. A place where they can come and feel safe, comfortable, and not alone. Where love is found in abundance.

    A special thanks to the Member that shared with me. All that you said, only made me love you more. I want to be here for you, encourage you, give you to know that you are not alone. There is absolutely nothing that could keep me from speaking to you. Thank you for trusting me.

    Thank you all Family, for letting me vent.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  2. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    These are difficult financial times for a lot of people. However it doesn't take a substantial amount of funds to become a premium member. Most people who visit this site speak on its unique-ness...that is an understatement! I have been visiting & participating in Black websites/forums since 1997, and there has been no place like Destee.com! It would be criminal to have this site vanish like so many others. I implore those who love this site, to give back by becoming a premium member. You don't have to give till it hurts...just give! $10 a month is not a lot in return for the fellowship..brotherhood & sisterhood which is offered here! :hearthis:
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hi Brother Hisili ... i apologize if it sounds like i'm trying to lay some sort of guilt trip on you or anyone ... i'm not trying to do that. It's just that i'm faced with the every day challenges of keeping this community here for us, and it's not easy. No matter that it's not easy, it is what i chose to do. Nobody said it would be easy. So i sometimes (more often here lately, than ever before), let the overflow from the struggle within me, ooze out of me. Usually i'm venting to one or two or three individuals, not the whole community.

    But this person's email just moved me to do this, and i did it as soon as i thought of doing it ... putting no space between the stimulus and the response. I usually get a chance to have some space between those two things, and when i do, the overflow is never seen by the community.

    I'm only human and i'm always stressing on how to keep our community here. It's not just a matter of keeping us here, but actually being able to smoothly grow into ourselves (we're growing so fast), and provide an infrastructure that can support this growth. The growth alone can kill us.

    During one of my more recent venting moments, i came to the realization that this is not anyone else's problem. It is mine. I started this, and i have to come up with how to keep it going, if it is to keep going. I can't, and don't mean to put it on your shoulders ... though i'd love for you to help, because with everyone doing a little, we can accomplish so much ... but it is not necessarily yours to do, it is mine, and i know that.

    So please forgive me if it seems like i'm trying to put it off on you. I just get so caught up in it, so worried that i'm not going to be able to sustain it, while hopeful all the while that we can come together and make it happen. It's a lot on me and i don't mean to be lett'n it ooze all out on yall.

    Please forgive.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. Solo

    Solo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I was just wondering...why does this site cost so much? People keep saying that $10 dollars a month isn't much, but does the site really cost that much? There appear to be several members, so if they all give $120 annually to the site then where does the rest of the cash go? I'm not trying to imply that you over charge or that you're trying to get people for their cash. I'm just curious as to why it would cost that much. I too don't just have $120 dollars on me. Maybe the guy that e-mailed you just happened to have it at the time and could give it, but I'm sure you realize everyone's situation is different.

    To be honest with you, last night I was looking around on the site to try and figure out how to delete my account, because I don't post nearly enough to pay $120 dollars. I like your community a LOT and I think you're doing a good thing. For a guy like me who really doesn't have much of an outlet to speak about some of the things on my mind, this place is really nice. But that's a lot of money for me.

    But I know you're human you needed to vent, but I did feel kinda like the other guy; like a guilt trip was being laid. Not intentionally, but being laid nonetheless.

    Let me ask you this: do you host the site yourself or are you being hosted by a web hosting group? If you're being hosted, maybe you should look into moving the site somewhere else that doesn't cost so much to maintain.

    Anyway, good luck.
     
  5. Radical Faith

    Radical Faith Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Your call is answered.


    I have contemplated this for a while and I said to myself, "As much as I love this forum and as much as I bless others it was time to bless my sister and this website with my contribution". To the rest of the members if you smoke cigarettes,drink beer or play the state lottery you can sacrifice the membership fee per month. So I started out with my name in black and now it's green.

    Peace

    Radical Faith
     
  6. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    More venting....and being blunt

    There are always going to be those among us who will give us counteless excuses for why they can't or won't pay a small fee to keep this website going. We have suffered the question ad nauseum as to where the money is going and why it costs so much to maintain this website. But still, each day our membership numbers continue to grow by leaps and bounds.

    Almost every day the people who come here, enjoy being here, and return often see no problem in pulling their chairs up to a computer and taking advantage of, if nothing else, the phenomenal dialogue they find here while only a few of us are making it possible for them to be here. Now I don't want to seem unfair by not acknowledging the fact that yes, there are some members who may have legitimate reasons for not becoming a premium member, but of the 6000+ members, how many do you really think there are that fall in this category?

    We talk about these--our--people here ALL the time and frankly, they are not the ones we are seeking support from or the reason we are here because they make you work far harder than is necessary or worth it. People who genuinely appreciate this website and understand how to practice what they preach when they come here, don't need to be begged or coaxed or prodded to share a portion of their financial blessings at Destee.com. How many of you invite yourselves to a strangers house, pull yourself up to the dinner table, eat their food and don't contribute anything toward the meal or show your appreciation for having the opportunity to be there? It's a shame that more people can't practice what they preach. It's a shame that more of us don't have a stronger faith system such that when you give you get more in return. We need more Black people who understand Economics 101 and know that in order to survive in a capitalist system and stay open you need positive cash flow. And people wonder why Black-owned businesses tend to fail in this country?

    And as far as being made to feel "guilty"--no one can MAKE anyone feel anything including guilt! If you read what Destee wrote and felt guilty then maybe there's some reason that you and you alone know about that caused you to really feel that way. People need to take responsibility for whatever they are feeling and stop being so quick to place blame anywhere else other than themselves. This too you will find in so many of our threads here. You'll never become players in the big game if all you ever know how to do well is squeeze your fists and hold on to a dollar. Maybe those that do this and have problems in other areas of their lives need to take a long look at whether this might be a reason why. You can't expect to get something different if you keep doing the same things over and over. (Sounds like insanity doesn't it?)

    Peace,
    Queenie :horse:
     
  7. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If you think $2.50 a week is a lot then that's on you. But like you said. since you don't come on the site that much, then maybe you won't be missed. Good luck
     
  8. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Excellent points brotha

    Hetep
     
  9. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    do you work for free?
    you have a job and you get paid, right?
    the people at this site do a job and deserve to get paid too.
    do you live rent free?
    do you drive a car with no payment?
    do you eat for free?
    what in your life do you do for free?

    we used to have a saying "gas, grass or ***, no body rides for free".
    why would anyone want a free ride?
    do you want a free ride?

    are you living in financial hardship?
    if you are, say so.
    if you are not, hear this.

    you have received unconditional support from this site.
    everyone has pitched in to help you.
    if you feel that is of NO value, leave.
    if, after all you have taken you have a real problem with coming up with $10 then do the manly thing and don't post here any more.

    that's not Destee speaking, that's me.
     
  10. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    WOW

    It would be good if this reply could be on the cover "page" of this site. I want to thank you Destee for being so patient with me, I had a few problems of my own for 2 or 3 months. So finally i was able to renew my premium membership. I'm happy to be here. you can count on my steady support
     
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