Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nisa, Mar 25, 2005.
I think some guys are afraid of commitment because of the pain and hurt that comes from choosing the wrong person. And some guys just don't want it...PERIOD. A lot of people (men and women) are not ready for a simple exclusive relationship let alone a marriage. Some just don't know themselves well enough to say...Hey, this is what I want and I'm sticking with it.
However, I do have faith that theere are some women and men who do want, desire and are ready for a serious commitment. If they don't commit to you, then you may not be as ready for that type of relationship as you think. Keep hope alive. That's my feel on the issue.
23 is too soon......
most people's brains don't finish growing and maturing until 25 or so.
i know i got married young and in a few years i was an entirely different person.
i just grew out of it.
a 23 year old needs to be learning and gaining experience and maturing.
they should be dating different people and learning how to manage relationships.
it is not a time to be getting serious and heavy.
to go into a committed relationship in order to avoid STD is sad.
to get into a heavy relationship just in order to have sex without feeling guilty is not a good indicator of long term success.
there should be a better reason.
i don't think relationship decisions should be made on the basis of sex.
i don't think you should commit because you are horny.
find a proper and safe way to release your sexual tensions and then make a decision with a clear mind.
I guess you could jack off...or get a toy..no std's no pregnancyWell i wasn't saying that..im just saying there is alot of casual sex..going on..and its just weird how you can't committ but you can bring a child into the world and/or get an std.
And I was also saying..that you shouldn't just hop around partner to partner..more risk of an std..
Every situation there is a possible risk for an std..some higher than others.
Thats all I was saying.
He is 27. I am 23.
I don't think you should get into a relationship either..if u can't commit..having sex with your mate..and others is not healthy.
Just my opinion. Im into monogamy. My mindset is much different than most 23 year olds.
Sister Nisa ... at the young, sweet age of 23 ... it's probably difficult to not think of the things you don't have ... especially a man in a committed relationship ... but it can be done.
I believe that what is meant for us, will be ours. When it is time for this type of relationship to be in your life, you'll have it. Nothing will be able to keep it from you.
But in the meantime, you should focus on the things you do have. Be thankful for your health, your loved ones, your education, your goals, your abilities, etc.
Life is so much more than a romantic committed relationship. But if that is your main focus, if it is overwhelming your thoughts, it's difficult to see all the wonderful blessings you have before you.
It doesn't matter what it is that we really really really want in our lives. I could spend all my waking moments thinking of how much i want the Members in this community to help financially support this effort. I could spend every day wondering ... why why why ... aren't more helping. I want this to happen. I believe it would be a good thing. It seems reasonable considering how many live here. But i have no control over that, whether a Member is moved to help or not. So i can't focus on that alone. I have to focus on the positive. I have to focus on the fact that even though we don't have this, God is Blessing. I have to focus on the fact that we are still open right now. I have to focus on the fact that i believe that this is a good thing, even though we don't have the support i'd hope.
Sister ... we could spend all day and night wondering why we don't have some things in our life right now. The answer could be as simple as, it is not time yet. The fact that we don't have it, is not necessarily a reflection on those who aren't giving it to us.
When the thoughts of being in a committed relationship come to mind, and you begin feeling as though you are missing out on something that you should be experiencing ... try to move your thoughts to what you do have, the positive things in your life ... don't spend a lot of time (your thoughts) in a place that brings you no joy ... especially since you can't change it by yourself.
Doing this helps me, and i hope it will help you too.
Relationships are between real "Men and real Women", there is no such thing as a relationship between Boys and Girls, These are more properly called "Play-Mates".
There are Boys and Girls maskerading as Men and Women, we should not get these two confused, because Boys and Girls don't know when Play Time is Over, there for there is no commitment in those incounters, only hurt and pain. Brothers and Sisters
FWIW - i have been having sex for over forty five years and i have never had an STD or an unplanned child.
i really think you should take a deep breath and relax your self.
you need to be thinking about what you will be doing with your life.
is your life to be based on a search for a committed relationship?
why are you so anxious?
are you simply horny?
i suggest you remove sex from your thinking in a positive way.
relieve your self.
then think about what you want to do with your life.
I'm relaxed..this post was not intended to be about me. Im not looking for a relationship right now. This was nothing to do with me..just my beliefs on monogamy..and about how people dont want committed relationships, but dont take precautions. I think maybe the whole point was missed. Destee this post wasnt about me.we can just delete it. Thanks
Sister you misread the whole post and my intention of it. I am not thinking about a relationship right now. The post wasnt about me at all. Please Delete..this thread thank you
Sister Nisa ... you did the exact right thing, when it comes to deleting your work here. Everyone is welcome to delete their own posts, or the content within them, but once a thread has been started, and other Members have contributed their words to it, we don't delete the whole thread ... just because one Member wants that. The thread no longer belongs to the thread starter, but to everyone who has contributed to it.
Here is a link to the thread that details this policy: Deleting Your Posts - Revised 08/15/01
If you have any questions regarding this policy, you can post them in this thread or the one above.
Much Love and Peace Sister.
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