Black People : Help me in my interracial relationship

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by blackasnight, Jul 2, 2003.

  1. blackasnight

    blackasnight New Member MEMBER

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    :(

    I seem to be at a loss. I've been in an interracial relationship for 13months now, and everything was going fine, my parents liked him, his parents adored me, but recently my friends have been 'different' around him. I asked them what was wrong and they made it perfectly clear that they didn't like my boyfriend because he was white. They didn't approve of me dating 'the enemy.'. Normally in a situation like this I would turn to my friends and ask them what I shold do, but that's not applicable in this situation :( So I'm after an honest, sensible, decent response....

    I've had the same friends for 17 years... we've done everything together -- all through highschool and undergrad and my friend's mother's death.... but now they show their true nature, one that I never knew existed... and one they kept hidden for 13 months!!! (I guess they thought our relationship wouldn't last so they didn't bother to comment) I'm really at a loss....

    Should I abandon my friends for what could be a perfect relationship .... or should I put up with my friends' racist beliefs... even though it may have reppurcussions later down the road?!!!!

    Plz, people... this is my last avenue!!
     
  2. DreamFunk

    DreamFunk Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    hello....I say you all get together and converse about the situation....they tell you/him why he is "the ememy"....and you/him tell them why he isent....or what-not....then after that, let the pieces fall where they may.....
     
  3. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    welcome welcome welcome!!!!

    first welcome to destee.com open discussion

    let me say we still live in a mixed up world where racist is
    our number one cause of torn mental thoughts
    i fully understand you
    your friends is one thing and your lover another
    it really don't matter of the color , creed , or how others feel
    as u stated your side of the family like him , his family like you
    but friends again ! hummmm! 13 years that's hard to break
    away from but at some point in life you will forth as u can see
    your friends hold judgement of a person by his or her skin color
    if you love him and he the same your friends should honor that
    and be happy for you ......ask them what makes him such an enemy ?
    asure them he's a great guy as u know today we have more & more mix interracial relationships ...
    I say allow ya true heart and emotions guide you and not the
    feelings or thoughts of others control your dynasty or desires
    you feel he's good for you and to you stick with him
    yes i know what about the friends of 13 years ???
    well it's like this see if there's something they see you don't
    and see if the feelings they pose is racist .....is this the case
    and surely you can't be loved by your friends when it comes to
    a soulmate ....they should be more with you then against you
    seek the answers you ask out in your friends then ask him how he feel about people of color and see if he holds any untold story
    then allow ya mental mind to work and weave out all the emotions , your heart , and feelings inside this you will find
    the answers you seek
    ifyou really love him don't let anyone stop that
    never let another control your feelings & thinking
    it's your life to live in happiness
    how do you feel about it all ???????
    what is your goals in life ?????
    are you truely in love with him???
    do he truely love you?????
    do your friends care that much to show hate????
    are your friends really racist??
    if you stay with him how would it change the friendship???
    if you please them and let go how would it change
    the feelings of you & him ???
    will he be hurt or accept it and leave ????
    these are question you and only you can answer
    and inside it is the answer to what you ask
    weave & seek this from both sides of the coin and do whats
    best for you not for him, nor your friends but for you in whole
    that makes you happy ......again welcome to destee's happy to
    read you and hope this be of some help
    ((we have a sistah chat corner here daily like 8pm and their
    you can get some great info and discuss such things as this
    surely our sistah's will be of great help stop by tonight if you will
    and hear them ........ but do go with your mental thoughts and feelings your heart and emotions this your life your love
    friends can be of help also can hurt so good luck on this mix interracial relationship between friends and a lover......
    wishing you the best ......do come back and let us know what happen and what u did to clear ya mind .

    $R
     
  4. PlayWitItPimp05

    PlayWitItPimp05 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    well..............
    to be honest I think $$RICH$$ said it all & more.....
    But friends are not friends if they can't accept you for who you are or what you do....
    Take it from a lesbian. :)

    :heart: :heart: PLAY :heart: :heart:
     
  5. PlayWitItPimp05

    PlayWitItPimp05 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    By the way....I forgot to say

    :wave: :wave: :kiss: :kiss: :star: :star: :rolling: :star: :star: :kiss: :kiss: :wave: :wave:

    WELCOME to Destee's!!!

    Where you can feel true love,
    Make both friends and family!!!!

    Continue to stay, all of our voices need to be heard!
    And continue to play, to keep our mind stress free on this earth!!!

    :heart: :heart: PLAY :heart: :heart:
     
  6. Locust

    Locust Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    race doesnt exist

    i recommend your friend watch the movie Brookyln Babylon.
    aight
    one.
     
  7. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Black as Night ... Welcome To The Family Sister ... :wave: ... we are often faced with making decisions that others don't agree with. Everyone will have an opinion, but only you will reap the reward or suffer the consequences of decisions made. Therefore, stay focused and do what you think is best.

    I have a question if you don't mind. Is there any particular reason why you chose the Member Name, Black as Night, when you are loving someone white? Does he call you "Black as Night?" Are you "Black as Night?" Seems ironic given the content of your post.

    Again, thanks for joining us and please make yourself at home.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Hello blackasnight and welcome to our forums! :)
    If your friends maintain their beliefs and you remain with your boyfriend, I don't see it as you abandoning your friends, but their choice to abandon you. So if it was me in your situation, I would have to seriously question what constitutes a real friendship. Therein might lie your answer to this question.

    Also, if you feel as though this is your last avenue, you must be feeling really desperate and I guess I can understand why. However, I'd like to suggest that you try to give yourself time to think and adjust to this new information about your "friends" and not take any drastic measures until you feel it necessary to do so without risk to your own mental and emotional well-being.

    I hope things work out for you and that you make every effort to surround yourself with positive, supportive and loving people.

    Peace!
     
  9. yaphet al-wynn

    yaphet al-wynn Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hello, I'm new. I kinda side with Anaksanamun. But with a twist. Remember, who have known you the longest, your boyfriend or your friend. Thing is have a talk with them to SEE where their head really at. Before your relationship-the subject of interracial dating must have crept up before. If so, if that discussion WAS held-what did your friends say? If they expressed that they opposed it before-then you have what you have. If they never mentioned any sizable opposition to it before-Could be something a LOT deeper involved.Now if you recall, then any of your friends ever talk to your boyfriend outside your prescence before or has he ever mentioned if that happened? Now maybe as Anak said-in that conversation that they had they must have gotten real weird or bad vibes with him and just VERY reluctant to tell you. Who knows-they may think that you may be THAT sprung that if they had something legitimate that was NEGATIVE-you'd probably never listen any way. Or if they talk around the subject, instead of coming out and saying it-something that any of them never done before. That is probably why. They probably don't have any idea how you would take it. Either way, lots of luck to you both. You can cut your friends loose, if THEY plain just have a problem with him-no reason whatsoever. But if they have a reason and express it to you and you cut them loose. Just consider-what if they are right? If they are and something happens-can you face them? It's gonna be a myriad of opinions here-not one or any can either be right or wrong. Just a multitude or diversity of opinion to consider.
     
  10. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Welcome

    Hello yaphet and welcome to our forums! :wave: Thank you for your post, it does add a different twist to the discussion. That's what's so great about here. We can see different sides to a situation in a respectful way.

    We hope you enjoy your time with us and stick around for a while. We have lots here to offer...we have Voice Chat, our own Radio Station and as you can see, plenty of discussion on a variety of topics...all for us!

    Hope to keep seeing you around!

    Peace! :)
     
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