Black Relationships : "HE/SHE CHOSE HER/HIM BECAUSE HE/SHE WAS LIGHTER..."

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Isaiah, May 24, 2006.

  1. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    In a world where there are thesis and antithesis, has anyone ever heard a lighter skinned brother or sister say, "He chose her because she was darker..."

    I chose to start this thread, because I've oft heard this phrase within, and outside this forum... I know, personally, it could be said that I chose someone darker because that was, and remains, a preference for me... I coulda even said that myself to myself, but I've never heard that phrase from someone else outside of myself... It just seems to me such a puny, self-pitying type a phrase, though I know that it is real... Problem is, it aint always real... It isn't always that someone chose a special someone over another because of the complexion... Sometimes the reason was more profound, or less, but more often than not, it had ZERO to do why one lost out on someone they truly adored... Just as other groups of people have their reasoning behind why someone chose one of their group other than themselves, such as wealth, blond hair and blue eyes, tall, short, too dumb, or too smart, African people have THAT as their pet reason...

    Again, sometimes it's quite legitimate, and we probably KNOW when that time it... But, more often than not, it is a copout for not dealing with the obvious things that keep us from a committed relationship with one we desire... To wit, you'll never hear one say they were CHOSEN because they were darker, when, indeed, there are many cases where that is absolutely the case, and yours truly can vouch for that - give or take some other qualities that came with the package...

    I guess what I'd like to do here is ask us to examine whether we take a balanced view in these things or not... Are we too quick to make judgements about this particular situation, as well as others??? Maybe we need to dig a little deeper before jumping to conclusions??? Maybe, WE are the problem, and not those whom we are accusing... In any event, this EMOTIONAL response happens to the best of us - particularly when WE are a little frustrated...



    peace!
    Isaiah
     
  2. oldiesman

    oldiesman Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    he she chose...

    when speaking of this particular perk among us,the old folks had a saying[have you ever seen a crow that didn't like corn]there are those who say that the light dark skinned pairing are phychologically tied to the days of slavery meaning that if a dark skinned man couldn't have a white woman then he would he would get the closest thing[a light skinned woman]now i don't know how much of any of this is true,but i've always noticed that the darked skinned brother do like the[redbones]...no disrespect to any lightskinned sisters here,i'm just stating a fact.
     
  3. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother Isaiah, as long as Black people are multi-hued, we will always have this issue in our communities. Some folks don't want to deal with their inner, so they focus on the next person's outer. I've had that accusation hurled at me here; of liking ONLY light men. SMH.
     
  4. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    maybe i am naive, but i find it hard to believe that anyone would be making a selection based on complexion.
     
  5. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    smh....

    Me too, seeing how complexions can change, skin corrodes and wrinkles over time. But, sadly it happens.
     
  6. Bisabee

    Bisabee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I have heard of women choosing darker men quite a bit.

    I wonder if it's safe to assume that many lighter people choose or prefer darker people these days (that opposites attract thing) and many darker people choose or prefer lighter people. I know that decades ago, there was a definite preference on both sides for lighter, but I wonder how much that's changed.
     
  7. Slowly

    Slowly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Isaiah man, thats a loaded question. After those discussings about the paper-bag test. I never heard of it, but I tried it. I'm a little darker than every paper bag and cardboard box I could find in my house, but I prefer women thats a little darker than myself. Why, cause they taste better. Wait, wait...! they tell me the same thing.
     
  8. Isaiah

    Isaiah Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Brother Oldies, that's a good saying, manLOL! You had me chuckling to hear that one(smile!)

    Despite what some say, I find your statement has a lot of validity.. I have often thought that there is an intuitive current pulsing through African Diasporans to perpetuate the group, to not allow it to slip into total "Whiteness" or lighness, as it seems is the Latino model, where mulatto-ness is the goal... For even as the Dark Skinned brother or sister seeks the lighter-skinned sister or brother, the reverse is also true, which might explain why most of us are darker to lighter shades of brown... Either way, that we are African-descended people is never in question from that visual perspective...

    But that having been said, I still believe that the charge that someone chose a mate because they were lighter is often baseless... Particularly when, as Sister BEE said, many lighter-skinned sisters seem to have a preference for darker-skinned men - meaning a darker-skinned brother has a greater probability of getting his prize than I do, and vice versa(smile!)

    BTW, brother James, you said that you were naive, not I... However, if you believe that African people do NOT choose mates based on their complexion, that's true naivete..(smile!) The very existence of PREFERENCES for darker or lighter shades of African should tell you that it does, in fact, happen...


    Peace!
    Isaiah
     
  9. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I must agree with you here.
    I love my black men ,no matter what shade he is as long as he's black and treats me and my daughter like queens.
     
  10. spicybrown

    spicybrown Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    right on...




    I agree, wholeheartedly, and that's all that should matter. in the selecting a man to spend your life with...5^, CH:)

    :picture:
     
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