Black Relationships : Has anyone had to end a long term friendship

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Nisa, Nov 12, 2004.

  1. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I had a question. Has anyone had to end a long term friendship. It was beautiful at first, and then you started thinking about things and realized that it wasnt worth it anymore, thinking about the dirt they did, but you were to nieve to notice it. I just ended an 8 year friendship, because this female did some dirt that i dare not mention here.She backstabbed me, messed around with a guy i was talking to. It kills me, but it is what it is. It hurts, but it was so emotionally draining. Do I feel stupid about being stupid. Yes I do. I'm going to have to do a lot of praying to get through this. Do some forgiving of myself and her I know it's going to be hard. :bye: :bye:
     
  2. plainrhythm

    plainrhythm Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    firstly, i apologize for your loss (or is it hers?) i know how difficult it is to have someone dear to you hurt you like that. maybe you should rethink it though. i believe in second or third or fourth chances. after all, she's only human and she is another sistah.

    secondly, yes i had to end a friendship but it was different because this person was a guy and we were so close it was like we were siamese. eventually it just so happened that he fell for me and that was not the way i wanted it to go. i thought he was different and it turned out he wasn't. i don't blem him because you can't help who you fall for, so we tried to keep our friendship going. it wasn't the same because we were both so akward about it. we ended our friendship without regrets.
     
  3. kbanks

    kbanks Member MEMBER

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    I too had to end a long term friendship. I was the same as far as naive, but deep down my intuition always told me differently. About every 3 mos. we would end up falling out because she would just start saying spiteful things or insulting me on purpose, but acting as though she didn't know what she was saying. The times I wasn't doing well, she seemed to gloat, but she constantly needed my advice and always said how I was her best friend. Then if I was dating someone, she either acted like she was competing with my relationship situation or would purposefully say something in front of my man to make it seem as though I was cheating, when I never was.

    I thought it was me and that she couldn't see that I would never do anything to harm her and that I had the best intentions as far as a friend. In the end she sucked up all the positive energy I had and would I guess you could say (not literally) "leave me for dead" Then when I would recover and keep my distance she was back pushing her way into my life and telling me how wonderful of a friend I was and how it was just her insecurity.

    After me not speaking to her for a year (the best year of my life!!) she started pushing her way back in and I had no idea how to get rid of her. She had made a lot of changes (or learned to hide them well) and I thought she changed for good, but little by little in the last two years, her ways started showing again. I finally moved an hour and a half away and she continuously called me about 4 times a day when I was involved in a relationship and the next thing I knew, she was dating someone and it seemed as though she was trying to top everything me and him were doing and keeping tabs on me etc.

    Finally after at least 9 long years I ended the friendship. A friend of mine still living down there had been telling me that so-called friend had "one more time to hate on me" and she was going to go off on her. I had just introduced these two before I left since they liked going to the same places, but didn't have any friends other than me to hang out with. I couldn't believe she was saying negative things about me to my other friend when she barely knew her.

    Basically I learned that you can't keep ignoring your intuition about people. If you don't learn it will keep happening with the next person until u learn your lesson. Which for me sadly it did happen again and this person **** near destroyed me. I am still hurt and angry, because I've never done anything to this girl, but I was told by one man that I didn't know the real (her name) and that she wasn't as nice as she pretended (acted--deserved a golden globe!) and another guy told me that she was hating on me really bad and that if I didn't know that I had better know! I ignored it and since then dealing with her, I almost lost my job, I've had a light stroke and I'm still young, and she went behind my back a couple of times and has tried to get with guys that were either interested in me or that I have dated.

    Now I've learned! Keep you head up and your eyes and ears open! When the good outweighs the bad its over.
     
  4. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    oh boy, I can relate...

    Talk about a long friendship. I had to break off a friendship several years ago. We had known each other ever since we were babies :baby: . We have photos :picture: with us both wearing diapers. She lived with her grandmother right next door to me and we were like white on rice. Even tho I was a little older than she was, she was into boys and sex alot sooner than I was. Her mom was single and lived in Chicago. I was torn when her mom sent for her :missu: . She stayed gone a few years but soon returned :jumping: . I was so happy. One day her mom got married to a man in the Air force :bazooka: and she and her sister had to move away to England. We kept in touch for many years. We wrote letters and we got a chance to call each other every now and then. One day I got a letter saying that she was moving back. I couldn't wait. When she got back it was like old times again. We started catching up with everything that was going on in our lives :gossip: . We both had boyfriends, both named Kevin. She was so exited to meet him. That was the biggest mistake. Little did I know, my friend was a ...ummm how can I put this...sounds like Fro :censored: ...QQ..lolol
    Anyway, she met my boyfriend that day and was in the sack with him before nightfall :happens: .
    So in essence I lost a bestfriend and a boyfriend all in the same day. The next day when I found out what she did, I used my most satisfying form of therapy....My fist upside her head and my boot in her :censored: ... you know what :hulk: . Who says we need a Dr. Phil...I solved that one all on my own..lol :terrific:
    Anyway we didn't speak for a while after that. She even messed around with a few of my other friends boyfriends that summer. :mad: Needless to say, I saw her about 2 years ago. We talked on the phone last year sometime. She admitted she wasn't a good friend and says that things have changed. I guess I can forgive her but I'll never be able to trust her until sientists come up with a way to fight this disease..they can call it the H.I.V.#2 ...... the H**...Intervention...Vaccine...rofl....Whew!!!
     
  5. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Man....Nita is gangsta!
     
  6. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    [email protected]

    You know me and my children are one of the most powerful gangs in the South...rofl
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You left yourself wide open for this one!

    Nita with all them kids you got, ya'll are probably one of the "largest" gangs in the South as well!
     
  8. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Rofl

    *soundin like Florida Evans*...Ham...Ham...Haaaaam!!!!!!!

    yeah, you got me...smh...Good!....lolol..ou better be glad I aint gotta comeback for that one.
     
  9. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If you did, I'm sure I would have a response for that one too!
     
  10. Nita

    Nita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ummm

    Nisa Mae...did you 4get about this thread?...

    How you holdin up and did any of our stories help you thru this situation???
     
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