Slumped over the toilet in the pissy smelling stall, I flushed the blood and bile down the drain. I steadied myself by stretching my arms and keeping my balance pressing my palms against the walls of the stall. Head spinning from cocaine and Belvedere, I tried to regain some composure. ****, I had to throw up again. Missing the toilet this time, bile and spit from my empty stomach landed on my black pumps. Tap, Tap, Tap "Courtney... are you okay?" Alexis' voice softly asked from the other side of the door. "I'm straight." I lied, reaching under my dress and removing my soiled panties. All that vomiting caused me to piss on myself. I cleaned myself with the last strip of toilet paper and flushed it along with my panties that resurfaced, clogging the toilet. I shrugged in my intoxication and stumbled out of the stall. Alexis, obviously handling the alcohol, weed and coke better than me stood without trouble in the mirror teasing her golden brown locks. "You pregnant?" She asked without looking up from re-applying her black eyeliner. I ignored the question, holding myself up on the marble sink in the nightclub's restroom. Two other well dressed females entered. Envious of their sobriety and striking beauty, I tried to straighten up to no avail as I lost my balance. Alexis broke my fall by clutching my arm into hers. The other ******* giggled and freshened their makeup in a full length mirror on the wall. "Are you?" She repeated, looking into my blood shot eyes. "I just haven't had anything to eat." I said, snatching my arm away. I was more drunk than high. I wanted more coke. My feelings of superiority were going away. "Lets do a line." I suggested once the siddidy ******* exited, still whispering and snickering. Alexis removed a folded up twenty dollar bill from her purse. I stood in anticipation, ignoring the nausea caused by my fetus, watching, waiting, itching for her to unfold it. A large group of females entered the restroom and Alexis dropped the bill into her purse. I was angry. "Look at this nasty **** here." One of the females in the group said after entering the stall where my panties clogged the toilet. Alexis grabbed my arm and led me back into the crowded atmosphere of the club. She held my hand as I stumbled against warm bodies grinding to the beat of a popular song. My knees felt like jelly, wobbling, barely supporting my weight. The air smelled like weed and sweat. I felt a man's hands up my dress as we pressed through the crowd, but I didn't care. I was too concerned with getting to the corner and doing some lines. I wanted to feel super human again. I wanted to enjoy the party. After what seemed like hours of pushing through drunk and high party goers, we finally reached a destination where there were other people doing lines and smoking weed. I felt my knees weakening but I focused on the coke. "Yo, get ma a stool or something, she lookin kinda weak." Said a large muscled guy clad in a leather coat and long gold chain. Just when I thought I would fall to the ground, Alexis held me on one side and the muscle guy held me on the other. A man wearing a shirt marked Security placed the stool behind me where I sat, trying to look composed. "She's pretty wasted." The muscle guy said to Alexis who didn't seem to care about the presence of the man in the security shirt as she removed the bill anyway. "She good." Alexis said. Good ole Alexis, always had my back. "I see you got some goodies." The muscle man continued despite Alexis' obvious disinterest. Her concentration was on opening the bill. So was mine. My eyes were fixed on it, hoping that she wasn't going to share with him and his security friend. "You ain't put in on this. Ain't **** for free." Alexis said, still avoiding eye contact. The muscle man chuckled and removed a large bag of coke from inside of his jacket. "I was going to share with you and your friend." My eyes widened to the size of tennis balls upon seeing the bag of coke. My mouth watered, I even forgot I was nauseous. Alexis smiled at the man and returned the bill to her purse again. "What's your name?" She faked interest. "I'm McGee." He said as if he were someone important. "This yo club?" Alexis asked with excitement. "This is McGee's, I'm McGee." He said obviously feeling proud. I wasn't aware that McGee's was the name of the club. Frankly I didn't care who was who or what was what. I wanted to get high. "Let's go outside and get in the truck. Your homegirl could use some air." He suggested. Alexis was less concerned about my well being as she walked side by side with McGee. I walked straighter, too focused on the coke to let the drunkness get the best of me. The security guy helped me down the stairs leading outside which startled me. I hadn't even realized he was walking with us. McGee stopped and talked with several people on our way out. Alexis smiled on his arm. Normally I would be jealous, but I was too drunk and felt too sick to care. "This my lil mama right here, and that's mine too back there with Mike. She not feeling too good." He said to a guy with a close cut and gold teeth. "How much you want for the one in the black dress?" Close Cut asked with a smirk. I opened my mouth to protest but McGee beat me to the punch. "Chill out man, she not for sale. But holla at me if you want some good." McGee dapped the man looking to buy ***** and we continued our stride to the Denali Truck parked beside the busy club. The security guy helped me in the back of the truck while Alexis and McGee sat up front. "How you doing tonight?" The security guy asked. I ignored him waiting for McGee to distribute the coke. The wait seemed to get longer and longer. First he took a call on his cell phone, next he browsed through what seemed like a thousand disc changer before finally settling on a CD that played Snoop Dogg's Sensual Seduction. Alexis danced in her seat up front as it was one of her favorite songs. I felt the urge to vomit, but knew if McGee hurried the **** up I would feel the coke in my nose, through my body, and then everything would be okay again. He unlocked the glove compartment. Lifting up a black gun and reaching past some papers he removed a mirror. My mouth began to water again. I started to sweat. I was overcome with anxiousness. He emptied some powder on the mirror and started to chop it into lines when there was a tap at the window. I wanted to snatch the mirror and snort all the coke up my noise at that moment. I felt my hands shaking with extreme anticipation. "What's good?" McGee asked a light skinned man with dreads through the cracked window. "Ay, can I talk to you right quick?" "What's good man?" McGee repeated annoyed. The guy asked about some grams. McGee apologized for the interruption and stepped out of the truck. Alexis turned the volume on the stereo up and finished cutting the lines herself. I felt relieved because I knew we'd get to go first. She did a small line first, then a large one. Next the mirror was passed to me. I did two large lines and a smaller one. The mirror floated away as I felt a drip in my throat. Almost instantly I was confident. I looked down at my stomach and smiled at my unborn baby. "Don't be mad at Mommy." I whispered. The security guy began to rub his hands up my legs after he did his lines. I felt awesome, opening them to enjoy his warm hands on my skin. I wanted to get next to him. I began to undo his pants and lower my head over his manhood. Alexis looked back and laughed, doing more lines. The voices of McGee and the window tapper became elevated outside. The security guy and I were immersed in our own world as I nearly felt myself choking from the pressure he put on my head to go further. Louder and louder the arguing became between the two men outside. Alexis increased the stereo volume more, passing the mirror back to us. I let the security guy do his lines first and I raised my head to do one and then another before he pushed my head back down. I began to work more vigorously as by now I felt higher than the clouds. I was thinking of beauty and money and power as if I had an endless supply of all three, and to me the security guy was Puffy and I was JLo. I tuned out the shouting of McGee and his dread partner focusing on my positive thoughts while the security guy tightly held a fistful of my hair pushing my head so far down that I felt myself beginning to vomit. Just then we heard gun shots. Ejaculating one minute and drawing his gun the next, the security guy swung the door to the truck open. McGee slid down the driver's side of the door. He was dead. Alexis let out a bone chilling scream opening her door and jumping out of the vehicle. I felt weak, moving much slower. More gunshots rang out, a few piercing the metal of the truck. I heard Alexis screaming my name but I couldn't move. Two gunshots hit the window shattering the glass. I ducked and looked back to see the security guard lying in a pool of blood. Alexis' screams became more frantic. She was telling me to get out. Finally I pulled on the door handle and stared straight down the barrel of a gun. A quick blink and I heard it sound. I slumped, "Forgive me Lord", and dropped to the ground lifeless.