Black Relationships : Good White Friend Dating Black Men

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Aisha, Oct 25, 2004.

  1. Aisha

    Aisha Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ok Sistah's I have a situation. One of my closest friends who happens to be white told me that she is dating this black guy we work with. She said she has been keeping this from me for about 6 months (although I knew because she talked about him like they were dating). I feel kinda bad because I know she didn't tell me because she kinda knows how I feel about interracial dating. I feel torn between my views about Interracial relationships and her being my close friend. I really don't care about her dating this guy but I'm not sure what I'll feel if she starts dating someone I am attracted to. Can anybody give me some advice.
     
  2. Dana

    Dana Member MEMBER

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    Hmmm, your White friend knows how you feel about interracial relationships but started dating a Black man you both work with.Sounds fishy to me.Me thinks she did it to purposely irk you.

    Had she dated Black men before this one? Had she ever at any time shown any interest in Black men prior to having knowledge of your feelings concerning interracial relationships?

    If not, I think she did it to show you her "White Power"
     
  3. Aisha

    Aisha Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    She dated some Black men prior to her 6 year marriage that ended 8 months ago. I never really came out and said I don't like it (IR) I gave some strong hints though. I think the reason she kept it from me was so I wouldn't get mad at her, but she is my friend and that comes first.

    Aisha
     
  4. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Sister Aisha ... you say this is one of your "closest friends" yet she has kept this from you for 6 months, and you have failed to come right out and tell her how you really feel about such situations.

    I'm wondering how you give such a person or situation "closest friend" status?

    Doesn't sound like either of you count the other as a "closest friend."

    And with that being the case, the rest doesn't really matter, at least it wouldn't to me.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  5. watzinaname

    watzinaname Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    My feeling is that both of you are afraid that if the disagreement regarding interracial dating is discussed in depth, that you two may say some harsh comments, and the friendship will end. Friends can have disagreements and still remain friends, who knows if this is true in your case? But I think it's a path the two of you will have to tread eventually. It must feel very uncomfortable with her right now.
     
  6. KWABENA

    KWABENA STAFF STAFF

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    Hey Sistah Aisha!

    I know its been awhile since I last posted something.

    Personally, speaking from my viewpoint, I am not one to crush on the same person that others crush on. There are plenty of atttractive brothas out there that you can go to. I have two best friends, and all of us think alike. However, when it comes to us finding someone attractive, we work it out by talking about it together. Doing that, none of us are upset for taking someone that we all fing attractive, and we save our friendship.

    But this is tough.

    As much as I do not condone white friends taking the sistah's man, I would not know what to say. My two best friends are not white, so i'm out of that. But since I care about a sistah's feelings like yours so much, I will help you as best as I can without breaking up a friendship.

    You need to talk to her alone, and come to a solution. It will not be easy, but be as assertive as possible. Let her know how you feel, and find out how she felt. Did she know you wanted him? Did she know you found him attractive? Do you talk to him as much and as often as she spoke to him? Think about that.

    Cedric Denson
     
  7. panafrica

    panafrica Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    If this “brotha” didn’t go out with your friend, he probably would have dated some other white woman (if that is his preference). Also your friend is obviously attracted to black men, despite your objections, and will date them whether you approve or not. I also am not a fan of inter-racial dating, but it is unavoidable in an inter-grated society. It is also pointless to worry about who grown folk want to be with.
     
  8. jamesfrmphilly

    jamesfrmphilly going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    at least she got good taste :dance:
     
  9. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I think she (white girl) might not have told you because she doesn't want to have to explain her attraction to black men to anyone. People already assume she's just trying to scoop up a black man from under a sista's nose just to piss her off. I think that's a little vein to think someone would center their relationship around pissing someone else off. People always have a lot of rediculous reasons why someone dates outside their race. My opinion is that she doesn't want to make you uncomfortable or pissed. You said that you've made comments...so that probably was a red flag to her. Honestly, it shouldn't be an issue to you or her as far as your feelings about the relationship goes. It's no one's business but the people in the relationship. As far as you not knowing how you'll feel if she dates someone you're attracted to.........don't be an observer. If there is a man that you think is HOT...speak up. Close mouths don't get fed. ;)
     
  10. CarrieMonet

    CarrieMonet Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's very very true!
     
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