Black Relationships : Good men come in small packages

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by $$BEAUTY$$, Oct 4, 2006.

  1. $$BEAUTY$$

    $$BEAUTY$$ Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Now I don't know about everybody but when I was little I had already planned my husband out in my head. Height, Weight looked just like Malik Yoba. Little did I know I was setting myself up for failure. When I started to date I turned down all the guys who were nothing like my dream man. Oh yes, and I made me a lists of everything my dream man should have. Was checking brothers off by the dozens.

    The thing that we as young black women don't know is that there is no such thing as a dream man. Just as there is no such thing as perfect. I was always going for the tall, athletic types. I went for Army men, Firemen. If it came in a suit I was doing a Beyonce and "Checking up on It." when I noticed that these men wouldnt give a little chubby girl from the hood the time of day I went to the average street thug/drug dealer.

    My self esteem was so low that I found myself with a boy I had no feelings for only because I wanted to say I had somebody. Then I got pregnant with my daughter, and my mother did not even flinch when I told her. She just looked at me and said, "I already knew," My mother took care of us and even when my so called "baby's daddy," did a disappearing act she was there for me. That's why when mama calls I run. she can be up in Iraq being held hostage and I come running.

    I haven't had that many boyfriends but the ones I have had were JERKS!!! After I had my daughter I Lost weight and got a really nice little body. and low and behold the ones that would not give a sister like me the time of day were right there on my heels every move I made. I got in a relationship with a Man who had trust issues, and it was always "YOU CHEATING I KNOW IT"
    "YA PHONE RANG DIFFERENT WHEN YOU ON THERE WITH SOME *****" what the hezzy?

    That right there was enough to make a sisters say "I quit!" I soon told myself that it was all about me and my daughter. Got myself a good paying job a decent car, but I still couldn't shake my psyhco boyfriend. The most amazing thing happned. I didn't happen because I made it, It happened because I prayed so hard at night for god to remove that man out of my life. I found myself a friend. Not another "boyfriend" a best friend. he was a confidant, he listened to me, loved my daughter like his own, and no matter what I called and he came running.

    This man was twelve years my senior, and was going through his own financial and emotional hardships. During the period of a year we connected. We became a part of each others daily routine. A lot of people in my office would say "But he so this and he so that..." But this was the only man that satisfied me in every area of my life. He was not 6.5, 180 pounds. He was 5.6 150 and could be considered a nerd. But I didn't care. I was a beautiful young woman who'd found her king. Not only did I have his son but I bare his name as well.

    What's the point? Sisters we are looking in all the wrong places for the right man. We up in the club looking for a god sent man. Don't get me wrong I'm far from perfect. That brother at the bus stop who's trying to get your number might one day become the next Denzel. Everybody has their downfalls. Its ok for a sister to ride the bus but a brother is trifling when he does. Because we have our noses so far up in the air our man done passed by and we still whining about "where all the good men at" My answer is the same place you cussed him out in front of your girls. " I don't want you, You won't never have a woman like me." THANK GOD FOR THAT.
     
  2. Slowly

    Slowly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Sounds a lot like my life story. A few of those sisters from a few years ago who wouldn't give me the time of day now see how regular my life is. They wanted all the flash and beauty of a star and I'm none of that.
    But don't get fooled. Good men come in all sizes and shapes, but it does seem the odds are better realized in ordinary people.
     
  3. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    You know for a while I swore off tall men. I had a boyfriend who was 6'1. He sat down beside me one day and fell on me just kissing me. Then something in my neck went CLICK. I actually had to go to the doctor who gave me some whiplash pills and told me to put a hot water bottle on my neck, So for years I wouldn't consider any man with whom I could not see eye to eye. But now it doesn't matter. The heart and the body grow in separate stratespheres.
     
  4. $$BEAUTY$$

    $$BEAUTY$$ Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Dang River, that sounds horrific. what was wrong with the man. was your whip appeal that bad he had to fall all on ya. I hear you though I swore off light skinned men a long time ago. I'm just not attracted to them. Never found one who's conversation was good enough to even be considered, we always got into arguments.
     
  5. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Well we all have things we like and don't like and these can change when we meet somebody who outwadly has the qualities we don't like but something about them makes us start liking those things. Knowamsane? I am never so turned on as by a man who makes me like something in him that I neverr liked in any other man. My husband had a beer belly that, oh man, if he got his shoes shined he'd have to take the boy's word for it but that belly became my favorite pillow.

    Only place I draw an immovable line is polly don't want no cracka.
     
  6. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    wow.....i always had my dream girl plan until i realized it's just that a
    dream and learn that what i seek is not a dream but a heart to grow and love .
     
  7. c-note

    c-note Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    $$BEAUTY$$, this is true indeed. In my case when I met my late husband, I was not attracted to him because I did not find him handsome in the conventional sense. I quickly put him in the 'just a friend' catagory. We developed a close friendship and I found him to be honest, dependable, considerate, supportive, generous, humorous, spiritual and intelligent, but I still thought of him as just a friend until one day it hit me - "You fool. Here is a man who is everything you said you wanted. So what if he doesn't look the way you always imagined. He's into you so stop being an idot and let things happen". A year later we married.

    The ironic thing is I came to see him as a very handsome man, not because of any external change, but because of his character and the way he treated me.
     
  8. river

    river Watch Her Flow MEMBER

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    Over and over again
    I try to tell myself that we
    Could never be more than friends
    But all the while inside
    I knew it was real
    The way you make me feel
     
  9. anAfrican

    anAfrican Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ain't Love Grand?! Happy for You!

    Congratulations!

    I begin to think that this is one of those "Secrets of Life" that can only be discovered via this route. I am very glad that you found one that works for you!! Off hand, I'd opine that some stresses that you had, that you didn't realized existed under/above/around the stresses that you knew about, disappeared fairly shortly after you made this "discovery", eh?

    There's that Axe again!! Twice!! Right on.

    I've always been of the opinion that anyone that bases their response/reaction/interaction with me on how I look or some "criteria" that "society says", is not "worthy" of me. I know what I am and any that I deem "worthy" will know it too. I don't do looks/style; I don't do "materialism"; I do not "prejudge". I do do Honor, Integrity, Respect and Truth. (There is also quite a bit of Romantic in there, but that only comes out in private .. well I expose a wee bit of it in public sometimes. [ooh! That could be taken all sorts of ways, couldn't it? But, of course, the preceeding traits should indicate that some of those "other ways" are much less than valid.])

    Appreciate this thread. Am massively happy to note that this particular one of "Life's Lessons" was learned and benefitted from. And vicariously sharing your enjoyment of the fuller love that y'all can/do/will experience from having gained this Wisdom!!

    As an aside; I would like to go to bat for us tall men!! Good men come in all sized packages!! But I do appreciate the sentiment behind the title because bad men come in all sizes too!

    Love, Happiness, Respects and Props to any/all y'all Wonderful, Wonderful African Queens!!
     
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