Black Relationships : Getting over someone you love

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by Adinkra, Oct 13, 2005.

  1. Adinkra

    Adinkra Member MEMBER

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    PEOPLE, I just got out of a long term relationship, and I'm in the position right now, where I still love this woman but I'm trying to move on. How do you all handle moving on after ending a relationship in which you were in love?
     
  2. kente417mojo

    kente417mojo Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You can't. If you love this woman and now you two are apart, only time will do it. Trying to make yourself NOT love her is NOT going to work. You can move on, as in dating and seeing other people, but I would reccommend being alone (relationship-wise) and focusing on personal demons. Keep yourself occupied. Hopefully you have friends that will take up a lot of your time and keep your mind on other things, because sitting in a room thinking about her is going to drive you crazy.
     
  3. Nisa

    Nisa Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Why did you 2 breakup?
     
  4. Deepvoice

    Deepvoice Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That must be hard to still have strong feelings for someone and not be able to be around them.
     
  5. sonnee01

    sonnee01 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Hi there Adinkra...

    I've been in that situation before and all I could do was just allow time to heal.

    The pain was there either way.. if I stayed in the relationship or if I left. So, like I said time is what helped me to move on, and I also stayed busy which allowed me to not focus on him.
     
  6. Adinkra

    Adinkra Member MEMBER

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    Well, our lives our just kind of moving in different directions, I mean, it wasn't anything whereas someone cheated or anything bad like that. Of course she said the classic, "We can still be friends" line and "we can get back together", but it's like, it hurts to be JUST her friend. I don't even like hearing her voice on the phone because it's like a constant reminder. So I try not to call her for that reason, but at the same time, I want to call her so bad and be around her, or should I say my heart does. I'm trying to dive into my work, but in that sense, I'm so caught up on my work now that I have a lot of idle time, which of course she comes to mind. I mean, I'm a lot better now than I was like in say August, and there are things that I'm able to do now that I couldn't do then, so i can see growth within myself, but I still recognize that I'm not happy, you know? And that's all I want, is to be happy again...I mean, I know there is a process of getting over someone, I just want to be happy while I'm doing it...lol
     
  7. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Yes its hard to forget. The feelings can last a life time. Eventually they will become memories. You have to keep moving. Maybe you settled to soon and she felt you all were getting to serious or comfortable with each other.

    I understand about the skeltons, kicking open the closet door, running around the room and taking up thoughts. The promise of getting back togther is on the horizon. I know that isn't enough, its the right now you are dealing with.

    The different directions do you want to expand on that? The solution may be in the different direction she wanted to take verses yours.

    " So I try not to call her for that reason, but at the same time, I want to call her so bad and be around her, or should I say my heart does. "

    Are there any artist you both enjoy seeing in concert? Are there any seasonal fairs ( crafts , food and music ) you can attend to expand the time you spend winning her heart.

    Not pushing to fast, slow hand the situation.

    Like a prize fighter. You can't win a fight unless you get in the ring. Don't get bitter ( frustrated, over zealous ) if things don't workout, that would taint all effort.

    Sometimes better in the circle of friends than to not have them in the circle at all. Keep the lines of communication open.
     
  8. nevar

    nevar Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    first of all before you bring another into your life. you must make sure that you are completely over her. and when you do find someone special try not to tell her about your last relationship. its a real turnoff to hear a man talk about his ex the whole time were out. because you may be feeling this person but may have not gotten over it. and this in turn will have the potential thinking you still harbor some old feeling about your ex. and quite frankly who wants to compete with the ex. its bad enough if you find out it was along relationship where it almost end up in marriage. the woman would feel she must go out of her way just to prove she is not your ex. but sometimes not knowingly you compare your ex with the present and in turn will cause her to shy away. so before you commit to someone make sure you are completely over the ex, and most important give yourself some time. let me tell ya the fastfood love doesn't get you no where. the key is patience and the rest will follow.:smooch:
     
  9. $$RICH$$

    $$RICH$$ Lyon King Admin. STAFF

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    love is nothing that come and go , in time as you move on
    you will part your self from these deep emotions yet you will
    always feel until you fully let go to start a new journey in love

    getting over someone you love is hard yet a task you can and will
    defeat in time , often times this what many hear we can be friends
    i myself been down this road and i found who i was and where i'm going
    i held not hate nor did i relax in the moment of breaking up , as time past
    i let go all strings and today we are friends and it don't even phase me

    Love work in ways we can't express yet understand so holding your
    head up high moving on and not get caught in the mixture of emotions
    and feeling but understand life and nothing is promised you will feel better
    and less pain also each and every day you two apart your healing within
    to let it all go and looking to the future of your love life .

    In Time brutha in time , heal thy self first and understand the will power of
    what is , is and where you going now in the direction of your love & heart
    she will become the pass...........................peace and harmony Good luck.
     
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