Black People : GET the RING then the CRADLE

Discussion in 'Black People Open Forum' started by UPTOWNE, Nov 29, 2002.

  1. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    It's thanksgiving and here comes all the family I got to see my cousins baby for the first time (shes lovely) her 2nd child. Shes a school teacher never been married 30 something! Now I know mistakes happen, the condom broke ect...and all that! But for the life of me I cannot understand why a woman would have a baby for a man that won't make a commitent to her for marriage I mean a child is a minimum a 18 yr commitment.

    WHY ladies?
    You 're the ones having the child! and no matter how much a man wants a baby he can't have one unless you give it to him (he can't force you to have it, its woman's right chose! there is no court that will force you to have his child) If he's such great father material why ain't he huband material? if ya think ya gonna keep him by having his child or you just want to have him in your life? Look at all the single mothers and how they berate thier (and I hate this term) "BABY DADDY" Why do you think you gonna be the lucky one (So many success stories out there I guess)

    Why are so many women getting caught up? Why do men plant thier seed with women that they have no intention of being wth? With all the diseases out there, you'd think that no children would be born, cause only a fool would have unprotected sex in this ERA ,but I still see a lot a single mothers. Maybe they just making cheaper condoms?
     
  2. wildflower7

    wildflower7 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i had 2 of my 3 children before i got married. i made excuses as to why i did but it boils down to the fact that i had the bad experience of an abortion (with someone else) and just wasn't going to do it again. i was in love with my boyfriend and didn't exercise the best judgement and i desired to be pregnant. so, my firstborn came to be. the second time, he didn't want the baby but i wasn't willing to abort it. i thought he'd be ready for marriage but he wasn't. really, it wasn't about him, it was about the fact that i knew we'd always be taken care of, regardless; whether it be my parents or just me on my own. we got married before the second child's first birthday but really, half the time i still feel like a single mother. most married mothers i speak to feel the same way. i think it's best for the children if the parents are married (if their relationship is healthy) but as far as the mother's side, we feel like we're doing it all anyway, having him in the house is relative. so the women that keep having children probably just want their babies, they're not worried about him because they'd be doing it all anyway. they're thinking of themselves, not how it will affect the child. that's one way of looking at it. not all single mothers are desperate and angry at their "baby daddy". also the woman isn't always at fault, it takes two. women don't get themselves pregnant, the men take the chance of getting someone pregnant everytime they come inside a woman covered or not.

    my four yr old started making statements like: when i grow up, i'm going to drive my own car and have a job, etc. she started saying that when she grows up, she's going to have a baby. i told her that it's best to get married, then have a baby. so on the way home from church she says, "when i grow up i'm going to get married. mommy, i get married first then have a baby, right?"
    i said, "right."
    she said, "did you get married first?"
    i paused (because i couldn't believe what she had just asked). I said, "no i didn't. i had you and your sister, then i got married, but most of the time, it's best to get married before you have a baby."

    it's always best to be truthful. kids are smart. :spinstar:
     
  3. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I know it takes two to make a baby and I know that usually child care falls on the mother, but not always. I did a lot for mine, the main thing I was there every morning and everynight! I pampered and I scolded I changed and fed I got up (a few times) too. ( ha ha ha) I am not passing blame I just see this as an accepted life style, that its OK to have a child out of wedlock! But its not and the term babydaddy and my babymother should be banned from our vocabulary! Every situation is different, my wife was pregnant when I married her. No it wasn't a shot gun wedding no I wasn't ready for marriage. however I did know that she was the woman I wanted to be with. I did not want my child to be born out of wedlock so I steped up to the plate and got ready! Got the job, got the bennies, bought the house, the car I did what was needed . I am not putting fault or blame on anyone but I am saying if you are not ready to do what is needed why are you having this child? Is this a womans selfish maternal needs or a mans need to be friutful? In either case what is important here is the child Yes there are some awesome single mothers a lot of us have been raised by them. But to perpetuate this detremental lifestyle knowing that there are far more instances that do not work out than do is just DUMB! And again it comes down to the womans right to chose! So for what ever reasons a woman makes the choice to have that child (for him) she is almost garanteeing that he will not be anything more than a babydaddy and her his babymother! He's not making any comitment to her or the child ( most of the time we have the court system making the commitment to his 17%) So while my sisters are chosing whether or not to have this child the 1st. choice is whether or not you think he will be there for you and the only way you have some sort of certainty is with the ring! The balls in the womens court, because again no matter how much a man begs and pleads if you don't want his baby you can abort it and if he don't want you to have his baby you can keep it anyway! Yes the two of YOU made the baby but only women get to decide the out come!
     
  4. wildflower7

    wildflower7 Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    i hear you, however, abortions shouldn't be used as a form of birth control like condoms, patches, pills, and IUDs. (i know you referred to condoms.) the decision should be made before you lay down. the ring doesn't always guarantee. i know a married couple where the wife wants kids and the husband doesn't. there is the possibility of him leaving if she gets pregnant or completely unsupportive if he decides to stay. women only decide the outcome only after she's already pregnant. if he decided to go in unprotected, he's taking a big chance if he doesn't want to be a father. if he doesn't want to use a condom, he must want to be a daddy. you're still putting it all on the woman. that's simply not the case.
     
  5. UPTOWNE

    UPTOWNE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    it is the case!
     
  6. poeticdelight

    poeticdelight Member MEMBER

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    well i couldn't have a man

    go in me RAW unless we were married :lol:

    but i've come to discover that everyone does
    not think the same way or expect the same
    things out of life

    i learned long time ago that my world's eyeview
    is not the same as everyone else's therefore it's
    hard to say that you know someone better than
    to do something until they have acted upon it

    there are so many things in this world to be cautious
    of that people live their daily lives for the moment and
    choose not to overwhelm themselves with these issues
    every minute every second every hour of every day and
    in my opinion that's unfortunate in a day and age where
    AIDS/STDS are present but that's an entirely different issue

    through these walks of life I seek GOD to find my strength
    and his love is still welcome to those who have made and
    acted upon choices which they now regret whatever they
    may be

    those who may not have gone through this predicament
    always have the tendency to point the finger and say how
    could he or she do such a thing like that without even thinking
    yet do you and I (mankind) still not sin or do things without
    thinking of its ultimate impact like LIEING after telling GOD
    every Sunday I will do better this work week but it's the same
    old thing-Life Is A Struggle and We All Have Inner Struggles that
    we need to overcome

    it's not about what you've done but what are you doing in the
    process to grow from the mistakes you make as you walk through
    life-no doubt when you make a mistake it will be costly but what
    have you done to grow from it

    our lives truly begin when we welcome GOD into our lives
    and not be ashamed of being great in his sight some people
    have to learn from experience thru LIFE LESSONS to discover
    that what the Lord speaks in the Gospel bears truth

    Don't reprimand people for their wrongs but reach out!!!! :toast:
    Whether you were ready or not, you have a new addition
    to the family :)

    Have A Heart This Holiday Season :heart:

    pd
     
  7. medusanegrita

    medusanegrita Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Have a baby FOR a man? I never got that talk, must be a regional dialect. No woman I know has a baby FOR a man, but WITH him.

    Marriage is an overrated concept. On the plus side, I do see a lot more young men out and about with their babies on their shoulders, and many times no woman/girl present. It's past time! :)
     
  8. lilpea

    lilpea Moderator STAFF

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    uhhhhh how life has changed ....lol

    Lilpea :1on1:
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!














    :em0200:

     
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