Black Spirituality Religion : Get Married ALREADY!

Discussion in 'Black Spirituality / Religion - General Discussion' started by Feather, Sep 4, 2011.

  1. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    What is with people having bf's and gf's its chaos! We want to be united... well families make up a community, its common sense. Having children out of wedlock creates confusion when it doesn't work out, and it's soooo bad for the kids. Why do we give ourselves to men that don't commit to us and they walk away with a fraction of our dignity. I want to get married I'm not for bf crap, and if he needs to get to know me then he needs to know he won't be getting to know..you know.

    I don't mean just marry anybody lol for people who would take it there, of course sort out the deal-breakers and then stop the high-school stuff and be serious and make it work :)
     
  2. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Marriage isn't for everyone....It's better to remain single than get married and end up divorced.
    I have more friends divorced than married.
    Yes marriage can be a beautiful thing.
    But from what I've learned from you is that you're a divorced sister. So how can you believe it works when you've gone through that?
     
  3. kde

    kde Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Feather,

    You are on to something. It is obvious that the out-of-wedlock phenomenon is doing our community absolutely no favors. When 70+ percent of Black kids are being reared by mothers alone - mothers who have never married their fathers - we are looking at a sociological pandemic. Single parenthood sets up children for all sorts of disadvantages that are well documented, by research and by observation many of ous can do on our own families or extended families.

    What's really stupid to me are people who keep having kids with someone but are averse to getting married, as if having kids is any less of a commitment than being married to the father or mother!
     
  4. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    sis this is the same idealism i had before i became muslim i was never going to get married because of what i saw and there being no order. this is where we have to be vulnerable. yes i'm divorced because it did not work i stayed for seven years. i did all i could he was not doing his part i had to leave when he was starting to effect who i was. that's how life is you live and learn. i was 20 when i got married and naive. i've been married that one time. next time i know exactly what i need and im not ignorant of what it takes to keep my marriage strong. ladies if you don't know you should read up on the subject. what kind of life is that living bf to bf its miserable to me i could never deal with that. instability. to me it is more sensible to be with a man who is in agreement that he is your husband and not just your friend with benefits basically. divorce is not the end of the world it is just natures way of saying there is someone better for you and you need to figure out where they are. i had to do alot of figuring. trust me im not about to just up and marry someone no one should do that!but know your needs and communicate that, find a mutual agreement. it is a quest being that our true culture and family structure was stripped from us. as women we need to find out what it is and get it right. marriage is for everyone...but some people are scared to try. thats just my humble opinion...i dont know everything :)
     
  5. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    and you know what i think that this effects a woman's self esteem too knowing that she is not good enough for him to commit to but good enough to lay down with.
     
  6. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm not saying jumping from bf to bf...To be honest I hate relationships...I've never been good with them, it's just not my forte'...I don't down play marriage, my parents are still married and been married I think coming on 29 years. And they are the only ones in my family to have never been divorced.

    However, I also don't believe in divorce, unless someone commits adultery (that's how I was brought up and to believe in my faith).

    I have a daughter out of wedlock and it is absolutely nothing I am ashamed of. I'm glad I had her, mistake or not. Her dad and I didn't get married because it just would have never worked out.

    Also, a lot of people get married because they have a child together, not because they truly love each other and I think that two should be married out of love, not because one has a child...Then that marriage ends up going towards divorce.

    My ex is married to a woman because he had a child with her, now he's over here trying to creep with me because he never wanted to be with her in the first place.

    If you wanna get married, more power to you. To each his own.

    Marriage doesn't solve all problems. Hence your divorce.

    But I find it hard to listen to someone who says "Get married ALREADY" when they are still divorced themselves...regardless of a mistake.

    Another thing, there is nothing WRONG with dating. How else are you gonna find the right one? It's one thing to date and another to just be sleeping around with Jerome, Tyrone and Tremaine.

    Are you one of them women who finds a man and says instantly that he's "the one"?
     
  7. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I didn't say finding a spouse is easy and something to rush into, I am looking :) so no...:) im not the one :) , and i haven't been divorced for even six months but separated for a year so I'm not someone choosing to stay single that's a difference.
    I don't expect everyone to be able to understand but my hope this advice reaches even one sister or brother which would make me happy that they reflect, and then teach share and be a strong example for others to learn. Marriage is common sense like straight vs being gay. Its order simple and plain. You can disagree if you wish we were given a sense of whats right and wrong. The reasons why particular people got married for the wrong reasons is irrelevant. I don't think people need to have casual sex to figure out if they are compatible, its not dating its called courting, to the best of my knowledge. Are they not aware of aids. Did you know if a man sleeps with a woman unprotected or the condom breaks and he doesn't know, and he has aids, that wont show up for another six months, he can go for testing for you show you a good test and infect you down the line. I'm just saying. People who date in my opinion are just sick already or asking for it. Its sad. And condoms are disgusting to me imo why would you want to be sleeping with someone who MAY have aids or an std and that you don't trust.
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    I'm not even talking about promiscuous people
     
  9. Feather

    Feather Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    it was not directed to you sis but generally speaking...
     
  10. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    ok
     
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