Black Poetry : Genie in an OE bottle

Discussion in 'Black Poetry - Get Your Flow On!' started by Randee, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. Randee

    Randee Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    You were my genie in an OE bottle
    Seemed like every time I needed
    All I had to do
    Was pick up a 40 and poof
    You’d come through
    Now, your gone and
    The last bottle we drank
    The last time we were together
    Laid under the right hand side
    Of my upstairs bathroom cabinet
    Late one night after your wife slept
    you called me,
    choking on tears,
    coughing up blood,
    a confessional though barely audible
    through the whispering and wheezing
    I groaned, staring at the ceiling,
    why are you doing this?
    I knew where I stood,
    how sick you were,
    That the prognosis was not good
    I sobbed I couldn’t listen to this.
    I opened my cabinet and held that bottle
    Its cool touch reminded me of your long fingers
    I could feel your lips pressed to my forehead
    Pouting in forgiveness every time you left

    You yelled gasping for me to
    quit my &itching, shut my mouth and
    for a change, just listen
    You said, I am not doing this for me
    I want you to know before I go
    I have always loved you.

    When I was sitting in prison
    Seven years, letters I got from you
    Talking about college parties and professors
    Projects due and seminars run
    Jobs you held and &uckers you’d done
    The things you thought were stupid
    That you thought I didn’t want to hear
    Were the only things that got me through
    Those seven long and lonely years
    Sure them hoes dropped a line or two
    And every time I was up for parole
    that %itch would come through
    but you wrote me, I counted today, 726 times
    some long, others just three short lines
    poems and honest answers to life’s questions
    saw growth from pain, and lessons turned blessings
    Jafar picked them up for you when you need
    They are your story, unconditional and
    invincible, reality over principle
    It’s what makes you sensible and cynical
    All of which I found unconditionally irresistible.

    You know you were the only one
    Who stopped to check on mom, even now
    bringing her plates, making sure she ate
    even after everything you been through
    even after you should hate
    even after everything taken
    even after I married,
    my mom still asks about you
    showed her pictures of your kids,
    she loves my wife, but
    she shook her head and said it right
    it shoulda been you
    My sister smiles when I speak on you
    She said you two still speak too
    She said you still crack on her like
    Only a sister can do.

    You wanted a picture and I
    texted a picture of me cradling that bottle
    told you I couldn’t throw it out
    You laughed at my silliness
    Told me to cut the craziness
    Told me about your new theory of foreverness
    A concept I never really grasped
    until you were gone
    You laughed and said
    of all the things I left that you
    returned or threw at me,
    Wtf did you save that empty bottle for?
    Your playfulness meant you already knew
    a spliff or a dutch
    Years past, life flashed
    only constant
    You and OE, and us

    No relabeling, repackaging, just rekindling
    Just memories made while lacking trust
    Lacking anything which could lead to anything
    Even remotely related to an us
    You was right when you said it first, I was stuck
    You had me twisted where neither of us wanted to be
    But we were acting so juvenile and selfish
    we just refused to open eyes and see.

    I was 13 years old when this started
    You and OE were
    my first secrets, my first kisses, my last crushes
    Abused and mistreated, once you got out
    you pulled me out, made me see what
    life was supposed to be about
    We were friends, but never once did we shake hands
    Years later, one night, one OE turned three and
    time spent not sipping, no d&ck slipping
    I forgot the what ifs and your words led to this.

    I found it hard to keep you a secret, but I did
    Outta respect for myself, your wife and all these kids
    Didn’t run into anyone until we were together
    And then everyone appeared with the same question
    Is J still around
    Around? I wanted to shout
    And in and behind and on top
    Instead, I would say,
    Yeah, he got married, nice woman, kids same age as mine
    Then I would scurry off as to not let them catch
    all the truth peering from my eyes
    Never would i ever claim you to be mine
    And, as time continued, and questions kept coming
    My lip started to quiver, my heart cried
    I couldn’t tell people you were going to die
    They would see the secret and our worlds would collide

    Remember how you would sit patiently at the foot of my bed
    Talking yourself into my pants
    When I knew you really wanted was to be
    Faithful to your wife
    Watching you try to internalize this struggle
    Made me realize we couldn’t do this
    That the stress on top of this medical mess
    Was not allowing you to get any rest
    You got the worst of me
    While you made me see the best
    Always treated me different from the rest
    Called me on my b&llsh&t
    Made me accountable
    never felt judged or attacked
    Knew no matter what I did you
    how mad you got
    you always had my back –

    Every morning you laid in Boston
    Surrounded by family, making final memories
    I opened the cabinet
    Stared at the bottle tripping,
    During daylight I was to blame
    And at Night I pointed at you.
    I finally ended the game
    when I saw the manifestation of
    all of your physical pain and it made
    my whole psyche hurt,
    made me feel unworthy of any feelings,
    emotionally drained, stole words
    I thought of you and the struggles
    your family was going through
    vowed to work on being just friends with you
    F^ck that, you said, we were never friends
    You are my incestuous sister
    the only one who understands
    Who and what I am and what I’ve been through
    Who, no matter what, has been my glue
    Recalling long nights and longer talks
    Memory lane strolling,
    And days spent kicking rocks.

    In between ventilated breaths
    And nursing checks, Jafar Skyped you to me
    we laughed about the past
    I remember everything you said
    Told me you told Jafar after our first time
    That you had found a thoroughbred
    I was disgusted and enlightened
    begged you to continue fighting
    You held your head, the same manner you did
    The night you told me you would die
    There was no fanfare, harps, violins
    I tried in vain to wipe away the countless tears I shed

    On this 100th day of you being gone
    I remain strong, I keep holding on
    Saw your mom last week, three months to date
    Stopped at your sisters too, told them bout Dukes
    Crazy, both them said they know he was sent by you
    That everyone needed someone
    and to just let go, enjoy this, but take it slow
    These statements I have pondered
    many nights thought through
    I decided to believe in him that I want to make it true
    charismatic, enigmatic personality shining though
    as soon as I met him I knew he was special
    but not one thing reminded me of you
    We don’t have the history or the memories
    I don’t know what he wants,
    or what any of his favorite any things are
    Learning by trial and error is intense and hard
    Especially when my whole body felt abused
    beaten so hard the bruises are scarred
    I just loved and lost in total silence
    Negative conscious
    emotional reactions
    To past personal acts I refuse to repeat
    So every time I feel it, I resolve to let my heart speak
    Not holding back my feelings cuz you never know
    When or how life can end or when someone will just go
    You have sent me someone strong enough
    To handle what no one else could do
    To make me open up to him
    when no one but you would do
    He asked about my OE bottle
    Like he already knew
    Like you told him my secret before you sent him here
    how much I needed to keep holding on to something tangible
    how inside I am a nightmare full of fears
    How do I explain the message in the bottle
    when I know you will never reappear
    but for him to understand me, I can't emit
    our friendship, your death or the importance
    growth makes in being part of someone for over 23 years
    Just the thought of not picking up the phone to tell you
    causes snot and tears
    Do I hand him these 726 letters I can’t even
    Fathom retrieving without my insides grieving
    That whisper our history together
    That convey the deeper meaning
    When he questioned me about the bottle
    It was then I realized OE was empty.
    That the memories I had and the
    Times we shared weren’t contained inside
    That no matter how hard I rubbed
    you would never bob your head on my command
    It took three hours for me to get it downstairs
    And the weight of the decision seemed to steal my air
    I gently placed her in the garbage and sighed
    I realize, with or without OE
    Your theory of foreverness will never die.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2014
  2. HODEE

    HODEE Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Randee... this flow is gripping.
    That is deep and well written.
    Thank you for such a great flow, loved it and I will re-read a few times.
     
  3. Nahshon

    Nahshon Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Randee...very deep...very gripping...very heartfelt...enjoyed it immensely.
     
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