Black Men : Gender Discrimination and child support

Discussion in 'Black Men - Fathers - Brothers - Sons' started by Regina, Sep 11, 2003.

  1. Regina

    Regina Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    There’s a new kind of bias against a group of people today. It is the bias against divorced and single fathers. In our attempt to safeguard the rights of mothers, we have only served to put aside the rights of fathers. They are constantly denied access to their children by the mothers of their children with no support from any sources. Mothers are rarely, if ever, prosecuted for contempt even when it blatantly obvious they are wrong. The courts treat women with kid gloves. What is happening? We have enacted laws to protect the rights of minorities and other people, but now is the time to put aside gender discrimination. Feminist groups want people to believe every man is a domestic violence, no child support paying, good-for-nothing. This is far from the truth. There are many, many fathers who want nothing than to be take care of their children's needs, not just financial. The courts are set up to punish one parent and reward the other. This should not be the case if both parents are fit. Also, custodial parents should be required to provide a statement of where all child support payments have gone to supporting the child. The children are not the ones benefiting from higher child support amounts, the custodial parents are the beneficiaries. This is often the case when the custodial parent and the non-custodial parent have similar incomes or the custodial parent has a higher income. Both parents should be financial responsible for their children. In many states, the child support guidelines are set too high and often leaves many men with no resources for a home and transportation. This proves very difficult when they are expected to provide a home for their children when they have them. I am often let to wonder why such unfair and inequitable laws are still allowed to remain and why everyone is reluctant to discuss it. Women's groups who fight for equitable laws for women should also fight for equitable laws for everyone. Black women don't see the secret agenda by these groups, the ultimate destruction of the Black family.
     
  2. ifasehun

    ifasehun Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Also, custodial parents should be required to provide a statement of where all child support payments have gone to supporting the child. The children are not the ones benefiting from higher child support amounts, the custodial parents are the beneficiaries.

    I agree with your post, in particular the quote above.

    fit fathers are being mistreated in divorce and custody court and further advancing the idea that what belongs a women, stays with a woman, what belongs to a man should be divided in half. and where children are concerned, that women are better parents, which may not always be the case.
     
  3. Destee

    Destee destee.com STAFF

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    Hello Sister Regina ... Welcome Home! Good to be reading you again. I do agree, Brothers who have made babies and don't remain with the child's Mother, can find themselves in trying situations, to say the least. I've mentioned before that i can't imagine what it must be like to have your money taken out of your check before you even see it, for 18+ years! And then on top of that, possibly dealing with a custodial parent that is difficult at best, and finding no satisfactory relief from the court system. God forbid that it was only a night of "fun" and you had no intention of ever beginning a life-long relationship with this person. That is a hard pill to swallow i'm sure. I haven't had that, but i have had the other side of the coin, where "getting dressed" means dressing all of us, or "eating dinner" means feeding all of us, or never having the freedom to come and go as i please, because i have to shoulder the day to day responsibilities of raising children alone. I could go on and on. How does one put a price on any of this? The financial, mental, spiritual, physical cost of raising children can't truly be measured. There is no easy way to solve these types of situations. We must encourage those who have children to meet their child's needs and insulate them from as much of the drama as possible. If they don't already have children, we should encourage them to be very very very careful who they have sex with, because they could be paying for the rest of their life ... both Sisters and Brothers ... and the babies too. I can't imagine that the ultimate remedy for the Black Family will be found in any court room, but i suppose it's worth a try.

    :heart:

    Destee
     
  4. Sekhemu

    Sekhemu Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Very good post Regina. I know a number of sistahs and brothas who work in family court, here in NYC. And to a man and woman they concur with what you've stated.

    Destee you make some very valid points. I've said a number of times, in different threads that sistahs and brothas need to be very selective as to who they choose to have sex with... actually, unprotected sex!

    If you have a child with and by a person that you're not compatible with, it can turn out to be a disaster. We have to be far more responsible. Pointing the finger in a scenario like this is unproductive and toxic.

    Regina, your point about the courts agenda with regard to further eroding the black family, is extremely poingnant. I think far too many of us, either overlook this point, don't care or don't believe it.

    hotep
     
  5. Omowale Jabali

    Omowale Jabali The Cosmic Journeyman PREMIUM MEMBER

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    "In many states, the child suport guidelines are set too high and often leaves many men with no resources for a home and transportation."

    In my situation, this forced me to withdraw from my graduate school program with only one class to complete for my Master's degree. Otherwise, I would have become an over-educated dead beat homeless Dad with no means of meeting the arbitrary figure the court ordered me to pay.
     
  6. IfUComeSoftly

    IfUComeSoftly Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Also, custodial parents should be required to provide a statement of where all child support payments have gone to supporting the child.

    I disagree in all totality. Child support is that... just child support... it is not a lease for the noncustodial parent to have say so in the custodial parent's life. Child support does not pay.. RENT, PHONE, LIGHT, GAS, WATER, CABLE, INSURANCE, GROCERIES AND FOR SCHOOL ACTIVITIES... So please do not try to control what I do with the little funds that you give or don't give!

    Now, I know some of you all think that my ramblings are that of a bitter woman, lol; but it is not! I don't recieve child support. I have never recieved child support. I am the sole provider of everything to my two children. Their father does not have contact in their lives. He will tell people, when they ask about them, tha tI keep them from him. Aww c'mon now... It's 2006! You cannot keep a man from a baby. The fact of the matter is that he does not call or come by at all. I have tried in the past to force fatherhood on him. It was an unwise thought in principal and in execution. I have never kept the children from him; but I will. Three and half years later they no longer cry or ask about him.. and I will not let his selfish behind come back into their life just to deny them again. So... man... i went off the topic...

    i have never recieved child support; and most likely i never will. i can and have worked two jobs to support my children. whatever i need to do to care for them i will. i don't need his money is order to do it. he is not volunteering it and i'm not going to run him down to get it.. BUT if i did... no one is ever going to tell me what to do with it!

    I constanly hear people complain about the amount of child support given.. PUHLEEZE! Do you have any idea how much it costs just to physically support them. Let's go back to my... rent, phone, light, gas...

    NOW, i think it's dang shame when children are used as pawns in their parent's attempt to hurt each other. it has negative impact that neither parent can even contemplate. it is wrong and there is no other way around that. i have know women who did this and i am shame to call them my sisters... but please know... this is not always the case...
     
  7. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I agree


    There is a gender bias. The female gets canonized for having a kid, even if the birth was a result of no sense being used. She is commonly painted as victim. The custodial parent(s) have a great PR firm.
    The real problem is that most sisters dont get support. They place themselves in the situation deliberately. Thus, those males that do step up usually get the book thrown at them, because it is politically expediant. That is the bias. Even if the father would make a better parent, he seldom gets custody. That is a bias. Need I say more?
     
  8. MsInterpret

    MsInterpret Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Being that I have been on both sides of the fence (the custodial and now the non-custodial parent)

    It is not fair for these women to abuse the system and use their children as pawns, only to be hurting the child and denying them the chance to make the judgement if they want to be able to have a relationship with the other parent (the father).

    In the state I live in it's a WOMAN state. If someone gets hit, even if it was only the man, more than likely the man will be taken to jail.

    Even the courts are in favor of the woman during custody disputes.

    I know of good fathers who are financially stable cannot receive custody of their child(ren) but are then denied custody to a woman who is on welfare and can barely keep a job.
     
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