Poetry Critiques : From Humble Beginnings

Mikha'el

Well-Known Member
REGISTERED MEMBER
Oct 18, 2009
968
248
Somewhere
Occupation
Student
Hey Everyone.....I'm new to the forum...but anyways....This Joint is the first in a series of Joints that me n a friend aaron are writing to be published which deal with the personal and professional relationship between hip-hop and the Mc....Welp Enjoy

Me- It all started back when we was both young n innocent
new to world who'd know we'd be doing world tours
back in the day we was nodding to the beats i was drumming on the floor
Bobbin ya head at the same time making rhymes
Lyrics to a beat brithed a masterpiece called hip hop
unforseen was the relationship that would stem from this
For we was young guns unaware of what love really is
Just a bunch of kids frolcing in the wind
Enjoying our innocence for it turned sour by the gin
It started off as something simple just a way for us to have fun n express ourselves
To make a positive out of something negative
When in reality the gift n curse is our bond doesn't the truth hurt
yes it does the road we venture will be challenged by the costomers
As well as lying n cheating n temptaion
Might as well as say our relationship begins n ends today
Friends n critics feel the same way
I announce the death of us on this same day

Aaron - Immaculate conception of rhythm mixed with lyrical precision
Phrases of amazement were da key to da initiative
Wordplay for day s across pasture s of a tenure called Hip Hop
Foremention our wishful sentences, no future jus ventilation
Just wordplay and plaques from reality's play on pain
But we were in love, two love birds who chirped to stay out of the cage
Jus some young adolescents who learned and tauqht life lessons
From dha school of hard knocks had smif-n-wessuns tested
Penciled in the multiple choice,. dha voice of the essay
No pen and pad, but da pad to the board and the words breathless
But the truth hurts, the gift and the curse the qift
A christmas past with as many trees lit as Saint Nick
No saints, just sinners in ambivalence, anqer
Cue the violins, grew violent and tortured
Went from younq love to pain beauty and fortune
Extortion to comform was dha form to dha offsprinq
An abortion of abandoned namesakes and nations
For the continent was confidence and failures a state of mind
So we immiqrate towards another country bred of money
And feedin impregnated minds
Yet i miss him but maybe some other time.
 
Hi and welcome Mike to destee.com and the honest critiques

This joint was tyte it could have had more depth is it was broken in verses
or maybe a stanza style over all this was great
again welcome to the poetic house .
 
MiKe (and Aaron) ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :wave:

Thanks for joining us and sharing!

I think your (yall's) poetry is great great great !!! :toast: :toast: :toast:

Wishing you the very best on your book endeavor, and please make yourself at home, because you are!

Much Love and Peace.

:heart:

Destee
 

Donate

Support destee.com, the oldest, most respectful, online black community in the world - PayPal or CashApp

Latest profile posts

HODEE wrote on Etophil's profile.
Welcome to Destee
@Etophil
Destee wrote on SleezyBigSlim's profile.
Hi @SleezyBigSlim ... Welcome Welcome Welcome ... :flowers: ... please make yourself at home ... :swings:
Back
Top