Black Relationships : Friends that marry and change

Discussion in 'Black Relationships' started by cursed heart, Sep 27, 2006.

  1. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Ladies I have this best friend since I was 14.
    She married 2 yrs ago and since than she is very distant.
    When we make plans to go out in which she initiates,she turns around and cancels.
    Then when I ask her why she does not go anywhere anymore ,she said she's married now and going out to kick it gets old ! Then she says me and my husband and daughter go on trips and I don't have time for anything else,inphasis on husband!
    I guess friends do too is what she is saying.
    I do recall when I was married and carrying my daughter we still went out to eat and shows,concerts.
    I still invited her over and kept in touch with her.
    Well recently she is going through the soon to be 30yr old itch and now she wants to cheat and basically call me more and be my friend.
    Everything her husband does bothers her.
    It is really petty, the things she complains about.
    She is seeing other guys as friends she says and now she seems to call me more and befriend me again.
    I donot understand why people cannot balance marriage and friends.
    Furthermore I'm not sure I want to be bothered!
    Any suggestions?
     
  2. Eks

    Eks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Please forgive the “intrusion,” as you threw this out to the sisters….and I’m clearly not one. If I may…..

    Unless you share her moral/ethical value system, be very careful. My experience from the other end of her dance-card (I've "known" a married woman or two...) is that she may be or will be using you as her excuse to her husband for “getting out of the house.” Eventually he will know that she is cheating on him, and he will brand you as her low-life run’n part’na. Further, are you willing to hang-out with her knowing that part of her agenda is to go out ho-ing? As grandma would say, show me your friends and I’ll show you you!

    If her marriage is in trouble, a friend would be recommending/encouraging counseling, not partying. Brothas don’t take too kindly to their wives spending time with other men between their legs. Women who do that stuff are not only flirting with disease, they are also flirting with potential serious violence. Simply go forward with both of your eyes wide open.
     
  3. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    That's the crazy part we have not seen each other in a year.
    Before when I lived further she would come over and we would talk,go out to eat or the show. Then she started acting like she's 65yrs old waiting for her ssi check.
    I understand she's married but does that mean because I'm not married we can no longer be friends?
    She is already using my name and I haven't seen her in a year.
    I miss our friendship.
    If she can only be my friend when she is not involved emotionally with her husband than what does that say about our friendship.
    I never treated her that way, married or not!
    I have already tried to talk her out of it!
    She complains about him leaving the lights on,the tv,dvd on, he cooked for her and asked her how was it and she cussed him out!
    I told her that that's petty and it's much deeper than what you are complaining about.
    I told her to talk to him but she's too caught up on recapturing her single life again!
     
  4. Eks

    Eks Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN!!!!!!
     
  5. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    Good advice!
     
  6. Omowale Jabali

    Omowale Jabali The Cosmic Journeyman PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Old skool Griot say, "With 'friend like this, who is your worst enemy"?

    This scenario means she is using you and like an old shoe when she is through wearing you out she will discard her again.

    Om say, "Bow out, and keep integrity intact." Why take on the guilt of helping her to decieve her husband? Does this benefit your own karma?

    Think twice and follow your Inner Voice.

    Peace!
     
  7. cursed heart

    cursed heart Well-Known Member MEMBER

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    `

    We haven't spoken much.
    It seems unless she has some gossip about an old boyfriend or her family we don't have much to talk about.
    I guess it's true some married people cannot have single friends.
     
  8. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Excellent advice Bros. Eks and O and insightful messages.

    Queenie :heart:
     
  9. Kemetstry

    Kemetstry going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    1. Your friend has a right to be into her hubby

    2. However, this recent change seems to have another root cause. As a friend, I would tell her diplomatically to count you out of any escapades she wishes to go on

    Maybe as a friend, you can explore why she really suddenly wants to step out on her hubby
     
  10. NNQueen

    NNQueen going above and beyond PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Good advice, Bro. Kem....

    Queenie :heart:
     
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