Our marriage vows didn't include "obey" your spouse.
My brother in law(RIP BIL) preacher man, married us and he probably knew better.
Both of us have been married before, and we talked about everything.
Thankfully, we don't have any of the problems you mentioned.
I will say, for the most part we do respect gender roles. I've never taken out the trash or washed my car. He's never done the laundry.
He does cook his special dishes; chili and fried fish. I won't fry fish. I'll bake it.
I'm thankful for my spouse a a good marriage.
My first marriage was scary awful.