Black Relationships : Forsaking All Others

IFE

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OK. What is the marital definition?
Forsaking all others, being faithful only to your spouse so long as you both shall live... so help you God?

Our families respect each other's marriage.

I think I gave the example of forsake all others when I said in a previous post that my spouse, before we were married, asked that I forsake Black Organizations.
 

IFE

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When my son married 5 Years ago, I wasn't ready to let him go. I didn't care for his wife, 10 years younger than him. He had returned from Afghanistan 6 months before getting married. He wasn't well, and I knew she could not handle his mental problems as a result of the war.
I had to figure a way to support my son without his young wife thinking I was interfering in their marriage.
She has a big mouth. Always saying the wrong thing. I feared my son would hurt her during one of his PTSD episodes. He also had night terrors.
First, I had to learn to love and appreciate his wife. I did. I had to get my son well.
She and I would get into little silly spats and my son always sided with his wife. There was no right or wrong. He just wanted me to let her be. He wanted me to shut up and not eat her for lunch, lol.
I raised this man and was proud to see him stand with his wife.
We visited often. Driving the 4 hrs to TN. Until he was well enough to work.
Having his family support was important to him. We are a immediate family of three.
She didn't appreciate the frequent visits, my son did. On that, he could not stand by her not wanting us to visit.
We are good now. His wife has become respectful and kind.
Knowing my son, he had talks with his wife regarding her actions towards us when we did visit.
After 5 yrs. I'm planning to tell her what a great job she did caring for my son.
I gifted her with a porcelain tea set. China, that I had planned to give to my DIL. There is more where that came from waiting to see if the marriage last another 5 yrs.

That's about it, the ugly, the bad, and the good. And in that order.
 

Liberty

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Aug 28, 2015
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Place my wife in the husband slot and I say no. I try to do what is right, and side with what is right. If my wife was wrong, then I would let her know and side with our daughter.
OIC... That is what I would be inclined to do, too.

But, I think the vows mean putting your spouse's needs/opinions, before your children's, your parents, etc. I could not imagine putting my kid's needs before any one else's... that even includes his father. Now that he is a grown man, maybe, under some circumstances. But, when he was a tot, oh hell to the naw!!!,
 

Liberty

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Aug 28, 2015
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When my son married 5 Years ago, I wasn't ready to let him go. I didn't care for his wife, 10 years younger than him. He had returned from Afghanistan 6 months before getting married. He wasn't well, and I knew she could not handle his mental problems as a result of the war.
I had to figure a way to support my son without his young wife thinking I was interfering in their marriage.
She has a big mouth. Always saying the wrong thing. I feared my son would hurt her during one of his PTSD episodes. He also had night terrors.
First, I had to learn to love and appreciate his wife. I did. I had to get my son well.
She and I would get into little silly spats and my son always sided with his wife. There was no right or wrong. He just wanted me to let her be. He wanted me to shut up and not eat her for lunch, lol.
I raised this man and was proud to see him stand with his wife.
We visited often. Driving the 4 hrs to TN. Until he was well enough to work.
Having his family support was important to him. We are a immediate family of three.
She didn't appreciate the frequent visits, my son did. On that, he could not stand by her not wanting us to visit.
We are good now. His wife has become respectful and kind.
Knowing my son, he had talks with his wife regarding her actions towards us when we did visit.
After 5 yrs. I'm planning to tell her what a great job she did caring for my son.
I gifted her with a porcelain tea set. China, that I had planned to give to my DIL. There is more where that came from waiting to see if the marriage last another 5 yrs.

That's about it, the ugly, the bad, and the good. And in that order.

[email protected] the ugly, the bad, and the good. And in that order

Why did you disagree with Hermetic's post?
 

Destee

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Nice discussion Family ... thanks everyone for sharing ... :research:

If my intended presented me with this scripture, talk'n 'bout ... forsaking all others ... i'd want to have a quick review with them on all the scriptures pertaining to a husband and wife duties ... just to be sure we doin' erry thang, since we goin' this way ... :)

Like the scripture ... wives obey your husbands ... or something like that.

What if the husband is beat'n the ish out of you ... what then ... what if he don't even love the Lord, aint been in church or sunday school in 19 years, got 14 baby mommas since the wedding ... and he is pointing to this scripture to try and tie you down ... wives obey your husbands.

Likewise ... this scripture ... forsaking all others ... is probably talking about some kinda good man!

If he's THAT MAN ... it will not be difficult to let go of whatever you must let go of.

If you find that it's difficult to let go of something for him, he may not be THAT MAN.

Or ... you may be willing to push past the reluctance and give him what he wants.

Likewise, there are probably things that you want him to "forsake" and he may or may not.

These are probably questions you talk about prior to the wedding, so no one is disappointed later.

Each person / couple will have different things that might be put on the "forsaken table".

One man might like his wife stripping and never wants her to quit - while another does not.

Know before marriage what the other wants forsaken, if applicable, for you may be perfect as is! :)

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Destee

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Here is an example.

What if your husband and your son got into an argument over money. Added to that, your husband was WRONG. Could you stand by your husband,
forsaking all others?


I'd stand by my husband in the above scenario ... only because ... i'd talk to him about it in private.

I would show him why i think he is wrong, try to get him to see (or show me where i am wrong).

That way, once he sees it, he can go to the child and correct his own self.

Probably not the best, to correct a parent in front of the child.

Should he never agree with me, i'd probably let my child know i agree with them, but Daddy does not see it our way.

We'll have to go with him on it ... as i'm sure it's not a life threatening situation.

It's more important at this point, to stand with your husband, and teach your child how to stand with their Father - even if we think he is wrong.

Loving Us!

:heart:

Destee
 

Liberty

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I'd stand by my husband in the above scenario ... only because ... i'd talk to him about it in private.

I would show him why i think he is wrong, try to get him to see (or show me where i am wrong).

That way, once he sees it, he can go to the child and correct his own self.

Probably not the best, to correct a parent in front of the child.

Should he never agree with me, i'd probably let my child know i agree with them, but Daddy does not see it our way.

We'll have to go with him on it ... as i'm sure it's not a life threatening situation.

More important at this point, to stand with your husband, and teach your child how to stand with their Father - even if we think he is wrong.

Loving Us!

:heart:

Destee
Very interesting approach. Would it matter if it were a Step-Father?
 

Destee

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Very interesting approach. Would it matter if it were a Step-Father?


No ... i don't think it makes any difference.

If I have married the Step-Father - it is already determined that he has me and my children's best interest at heart.

I would already be trusting him with me and my children, if i married him.

That trust would require me to go with him ... on disagreements ... when i can.

It's necessary even for the children to see that you have respect for this man's decisions, so they can.

A decision may not always look right on the surface, when making it, and trust is often a factor.

Trusting your own decision making ability, or your husband's ... either one could be wrong at any time.

The key is knowing he loves you and your children, trusting that, will make times like this easier.

Even after trusting him, and you find later he was wrong, that has to be okay too ... as it happens to the best of us.

If ever it gets where you do not trust him, his love for you and the babies ... then ... that's a different thread ... :)

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
 

Liberty

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No ... i don't think it makes any difference.

If I have married the Step-Father - it is already determined that he has me and my children's best interest at heart.

I would already be trusting him with me and my children, if i married him.

That trust would require me to go with him ... on disagreements ... when i can.

It's necessary even for the children to see that you have respect for this man's decisions, so they can.

A decision may not always look right on the surface, when making it, and trust is often a factor.

Trusting your own decision making ability, or your husband's ... either one could be wrong at any time.

The key is knowing he loves you and your children, trusting that, will make times like this easier.

Even after trusting him, and you find later he was wrong, that has to be okay too ... as it happens to the best of us.

If ever it gets where you do not trust him, his love for you and the babies ... then ... that's a different thread ... :)

Love You!

:heart:

Destee
Excellent Post. I love your logic. You really broke it down.

*smile*
 

Hermetic

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I believe trust can only be gained via Integrity and Respect. Being able to admit you are wrong and siding with what is right is more important to me than massaging mine or anyone else's ego. Therefor if my wife knows I am wrong, I expect her to point it out to me. I believe we are all fallible, and many times an outside view can see more clearly than a view from the inside of an issue. I may not immediately like the fact that I am wrong (when proven), but I am greatful that she was considerate enough to expose the truth to me.

I guess it is a lot easier for me to take this position because my paradigm is not structured to follow some religious doctrine. So passages from a holy book are not the basis for my morality, and instead I base my morality on Humanism.
 

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