I've noticed that people, male or female, in this position tend to "test" the folks that try to get close because they don't want to be hurt again. That can get real painful to the other party. But whatever it is/was that convinced a person to try to work through the "previous pain induced distrust/testing" is going to keep trying to "put up with" it.
I would suggest that they both understand/remember that "she is trying to work on" this and that that working is very, very difficult!<smile> Because he does still care. And, as you suggested; the only reason for attempting to place the .. er ... "distance" between them is because it does hurt to feel like one is causing pain to one that one cares about. In something like this, it is much easier for a local relationship than a long distance because both can feel the sincerity of the other.
(Sister Destee, those could be valid questions, where this not an "affair of the heart": When has such ever followed "logical" progressions? Also, I suppose one could consider it "obsessive", but that characterization could/would feel a bit harsh to someone attempting to work through this "post traumatic stress", which is what a "hard time trusting people" following "a lot of sh*t in [...] life" would actually be. It is not, necessarily, "obsessive" rather than it being part of the pattern of this sort of "recovery path". It took me a while to figure out that this was what was happening in that relationship I was in, but I did finally get it, and things, eventually, got smoother.)
